REVOKE ▸ d. winchester [1] ✔

Chapter 40

Jackie's POV

I let the hot water pour down, steam rushing up around me as I stand in the shower. Eyes shut, I take a deep breath. I can't wait for all of this to be over.

"This is just the beginning."

I almost fall over, my feet slipping on the wet tile beneath me.

"You'll soon be living how you were meant to live."

My hands find the wall and holding on, I send a grimace to the ground. Was it too much to ask for one simple shower in silence? I went all day without a word, and now he decides to chat.

Screw you, Azrael.

As difficult as it is to do, I ignore the banter and the chiding that continues to rush through my head. Azrael isn't a hallucination; he's part of the voice in my head during the day, then at night, he roams my dreams. He plants ideas and scenarios in my brain that just seem to loop on and on forever. And the most horrific one I've seen: the sword.

Ever since the first time back at Bobby's over a week ago, I've seen the same scenario played through my head every night. These nights are occasionally filled with other taunting and chilling visuals that I haven't yet been able to wrap my head around. However, I can get past those- they don't seem as real as this one.

Because this one, the sword running through me, Dean's smirk, Bobby and Sam's voices, they're just too real. And I can't get past that.

I shut the water off and quickly wrap myself in a towel. I find myself in front of the mirror, staring at my appearance but having no recollection at all that I am still the same person as before. I've changed and there's nothing I can do to undo it.

I can hardly remember what it feels like to be me. I feel alien.

Without really thinking, I soon find myself in a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. I intend on collapsing on my bed and sleeping the night away, and I can hardly wait to do so. However, I force myself to brush my teeth first before opening up the bathroom door and leaving the space.

Glancing around, I find that Sam and Dean are still gone. I'm glad they finally found time to themselves, away from our problems. My problems. As brothers, I'm sure they appreciate time away from it all.

I sit on the edge of one of the beds, restless. I'm mentally exhausted, physically as well, but the silence is uncomfortable in the room. My plans to fall into a deep slumber slowly ebb away as an uneasy feeling overcomes me. I can practically feel that something is about to go wrong.

Getting up, I move away the shades of the window and peak out into the night. Finding nothing remotely suspicious, I end up blocking out the darkness by pulling the curtains tight again. Then, moving over to the door, I make sure the deadbolt is locked. And for good measures, I double check that my gun is underneath my pillow as it is every night.

Maybe this is why you don't sleep at night, I tell myself. You make yourself sick with paranoia. Everything's fine. Just go to sleep, they'll be back soon.

I end up laying on the edge of the bed, wringing out my hands while I listen to the silence. I had gotten used to having other people in the room with me as I slept, so this new solitude felt wrong. Somehow, my eyes begin to droop in spite of my racing heart, and I let myself fall into a light slumber. The only thing allowing me to do this is the gun underneath my pillow, it's magazine full and ready to shoot.