Betrayed( TMI fanfiction )

Chapter 15.

        - Clary, is he mine?

I opened my mouth and, even if I didn't want to, I knew  I still love him.
       Even though he hurt me more than anyone before.....I still love his beautiful golden eyes, shiny golden locks, breathtaking smile, toned abs......his loving and caring arms.......There's no doubt in the fact that I still love him.
          - Jace.......There's nothing for us to talk about....Go away!-I choked out, slamming the door in his face.
             I had to bite my lip to stop myself from sobbing. Every breath I took felt like it's burning. My throat was sore and dry, while my heart broke into little pieces at the wailing baby boy in my arms.
         I gently stroked his soft little head, while I let my tears escape freely.
          I heard him knocking violently on the door, his voice was muffled,but it still made my heart flutter.
           - Go away Jace! Leave us alone! -I yelled, my lips quivering.
          - Clary, is everything okay?-mom asked stepping out of the kitchen and that was when our eyes widened at the same time.
            Her eyes landed on the screaming baby in my arms, while I was looking at her face,hoping I could figure out her thoughts.
           - I'll explain everything.....I promise....Just let me take him upstairs...-I pleaded with my eyes.
           She slowly nodded, still not taking her eyes off of  my son. I made my way up the stairs, rocking Zachary back and forth, rubbing circles on his back soothingly.
        Simon was sitting in the rocking chair in Zach's room. He still looked tense and nervous.
         -Who was at the door? -he asked,once I stepped into the room.
           -Jace....-I breathed out, swaying back and forth.
          Zachary's breath slowed down and his screams lightly faded.
          I gently tickled his sides, which caused him to giggle. I smiled at the cute sound and kissed the side of his head.
             - I'm going to check on that bastard....-Si growled through his gritted teeth and walked past me .
            I nodded even though I knew he couldn't see me.
           I smiled at the cute baby boy in my arms and just stared into his amazing golden eyes, which he inherited from his father.
          - Life it's hard. I know. All your lights are red, but I'm green to go. Used to see you high,now you're only low. All your lights are red, but I'm green to go. I want you. I'll colour me blue.  Anything it takes to make you stay. Only seeing myself, when I'm looking up at you....-I sang softly.
          - I still love your voice....- a voice startled me from behind.
         My eyes widened. The blood in my veins started to boil and my heart skipped a beat.
           I tried to swallow the lump in my throat and stop my tears for falling.
            Who the fuck let him in?!
             I hesitantly turned around and that was when I noticed how close he was. Our nose would've touched,if Zach wouldn't have been between us.
       - Please Clary......I don't ask you to forgive me.....because what I did was wrong even though I had my reasons to do so.......I just want to see him, okay? - he asked, slowly placing a hand on Zachary's little head.
          My son squealed in delight, which brought a smile to my face.
             Should I? You should. No , you shouldn't.
          My heart and mind were telling me otherwise. Should I listen to my heart? Is it the right thing to do?
           Before I could make my decision....I found myself nodding. His arms reached out for my son, while I gently placed him into his warm embrace.
        Jace's eyes lit up in joy and delight. He never took his eyes off of my baby boy's face, he examined his cute features.
         I swear I saw the tears, he held beck, in his sparkling,but now bloodshot golden orbs.
        - He has my eyes-he choked out, still not tearing his gaze away.
         - .....and your hair...-I added walking up next to Jace and looked down at the little boy he was holding.
         - I can't believe you didn't tell me sooner!-he turned to me in disbelief, his eyes full of hurt, which almost broke my heart.......almost.
         - Now, you put the blame on me?!- I gasped. - You were the one who lied to me, who took away my virginity, who used me as a source, who spied on my father, who betrayed me! You seriously blame me for leaving, for never wanting to see you again, for hiding the fact that I'm carrying your child?!-I raised my voice.
         - Clary.......I didn't lie to you ..........Well, yes I did. I've been spying on your dad for the Outside.....I'm one of their best shadowhunters. Yes, I lied to you about why I came and why I asked questions always.......but.....What I told you about my feelings...The fact that I love you more than anything....is true......I never lied about my feelings towards you. -he said softly,looking straight into my eyes.
         The room was spinning with me as I found myself lost in the eternity of his goldness.
        The butterflies in my stomach were going crazy. My whole body was shaking, while I stared at my favorite color in the world.....the golden color of his mesmerizing eyes.
         Even though my heart was telling me to forgive him and jump straight into his arms.......This time I listened to my mind, which hated him, hated what he did.
          - Well, too bad that I have a boyfriend...-I lied, trying to sound as believable as I could.
         His eyes widened and he snapped his head away, looking down at Zachary again.
           - What's his name? - he whispered, gently caressing Zach's smooth cheeks.
           -  Zachary Christopher Herondale....-I muttered,folding my arms.
             - You gave him my middle name?-he turned to me with thankful eyes.
              I just shrugged my shoulders.
              - You're his father after all........
              - Look, I don't expect you to forgive me.....I don't expect you to love me back,but....At least let me see my son......I think I have the right for that.......and he doesn't deserve to grow up without a father.....Trust me...I know what it feels like....-he whispered the last part so sadly,that my heart's shattered pieces fell to the floor.
         - Okay.....You're right.....Tell me where you live and I'll bring him there tomorrow. -I breathed out. The words out a weight on my shoulders. This means that I will have to see him.....again.
          - Thank you, Clary.....You don't know how much this means to me. -he whispered and before I could even notice what is he up to.......he kissed the top of my head.
         Warmth spread through my whole body, from the middle of my heart to the top of my head .
          - Clary,before I leave.....I just want you to know that Valentine knows where you are....he's just waiting for the perfect moment to attack you.......I know you don't care about my opinion....but I know Zachary is important for you and if Valentine comes here he won't hesitate to kill him.......I just want both of you to be safe and I know the perfect place for that....-he explained, sitting down on the floor, leaning his back against the wall.
          I bit the inside of my mouth. Is he telling the truth or he just wants us to be near him? Don't be stupid, Clary. You clearly let him know that you have a boyfriend.......even though that's all a lie.
           - What about Simon? And my mom? Luke?-I asked already worrying about them.
           If Valentine finds out that I met my mother....he will kill both of us......plus Zachary. No, I won't let that happen.
         He sighed and placed our son on his lap. Zach looked at him in awe and reached out to touch Jace's golden locks, but started to whimper when he couldn't do so.
         -You can bring the bloodsucker......and.......Jocelyn and Luke didn't tell you?-he questioned and he really sounded shocked.
           I raised brow. Didn't tell me what? No,no,no,no! No more secrets and betrayal!
          - Didn't tell me what?
          I grabbed Zach's hand and gently tickled his palm, when he was about to cry. He hates being bored.
         - Your mom is the leader of the Outside......and Luke is his husband......-he answered,smiling widely when Zachary squealed.
          My eyes widened. The leader? She was the one who sent Jace and the others? She was the one who caused me all this pain, even though she probably didn't do it on purpose?!
          -It would mean the world to me if you two would move in to the Institute where are shadowhunters, who can protect you with their lives. Clary we have a son. We have to think about the future, because I don't want him to grow up in an orphanage........
          I totally agreed with his opinion, but if I'd come with him, then I would have to be next to him every day, bear his annoying perfection.
         - I-I.....I don't think this is a good idea....-I stuttered and picked Zachary up from his lap.
         He looked at me questioningly, while I started to draw circles on his back.
         - Why? Clary, don't be stubborn.....This isn't just about you now! Think about Zachary....-he whined, and wrapped an arm around my waist.
           My stomach dropped, my heart skipped a beat and my blood stopped running in my veins while my skin tingled at the physical contact.
         - I know.....but.....I don't want innocent victims....Valentine's will find me in the Institute too and he won't hesitate to kill everyone in his way...-I explained.
          He sighed.
           - Think about it......and don't forget to bring him tomorrow...-he said softly and did something I definitely didn't expect him to do. He cupped my face and ran the pad of his thumbs across my cheekbones. The simple gesture made my heart melt.......
        - I promise I'll bring him tomorrow and you two can have some time alone.....-I smiled softly.
         His eyes flickered back and forth between my eyes and lips. My breathing became uneven. He was inches away from my lips, our noses almost touched and I could feel his warm breath brush against my skin.
           I soft coo snapped us out of our trance. I smiled widely and looked down at my beautiful son. He started chewing the bare skin of my shoulder,biting down leaving saliva all over it.
        - He's teething...-I whispered.
       Silence embraced us, where I was staring at Zachary and trying to avoid Jace's intense stare.
           - Okay.....- he breathed out. - Then......I'll see you both tomorrow....-he exclaimed gently caressing Zach's cheeks and kissed the top of my head, which caught me off of guard.
           -Yeah, see you tomorrow...-I whispered, even though I knew he can't hear me anymore.
           His footsteps echoed in the whole house.
             I took a deep breath and placed Zach in his stroller.....I decided to go for a walk.....to clear my head a little.
        I quickly put on a black Nirvana shirt, some black ripped skinny jeans and slipped into a pair of Chuck Taylor's.
         I let my messy hair down and grabbed Zach's diaper bag.
         I walked on my tip toes, hoping I can leave without mom noticing it.......but.....Shadowhunters have really good ears.......She stepped out of the living room once I reached the front door.
         - Where do you think you're doing? You still owe me an explanation.......Why was Jonathan here? - she asked in a tone, that I can't decipher.
         She was acting like she has the right to judge me to teach me......when she wasn't even there my whole life!
          - I'm going for a walk.......to clear my head a little......-I spoke through gritted teeth.
            - Wait! I'm coming with you....-she exclaimed, grabbing her sweater from the armchair.
            I slowly nodded and rolled the stroller out.
            We walked in silence. The wind was the only sound we heard. It was suspiciously quiet and I didn't like it.
             - To answer you questions........Jace is Zachary's father........we were together for a short time.....but he hurt me.......because of you.....You sent him there to spy on Valentine and it's your fault that he used, hurt and betrayed me. -I spat, anger and disappointment running through my veins.
          - What are you talking about? I didn't tell him to make you fall in love with him.....It wasn't part of our plan! - she raises her voice, which made Zachary squirm in his seat.
           - It wasn't part of your plan?! You still made him use me and get information out of me! You did this to your own daughter! You stole the chance of being the first one to hold his son from Jace! You did this to your own grandchild!-I yelled and that was when I realized that she's not walking by us anymore.
          I raised a brow and looked behind me only to make my eyes go wide. She was lying on the ground not moving. I rushed to her side and sighed in relief when I checked her pulse. She was alive.
          Right when I was about to call Simon, someone covered my mouth from behind. My eyes widened and my heart skipped a beat. I tried hard to kick myself out of his/her tight grip.......but the scent of chloroform hit my nose. My eyelashes fluttered close and I lost myself to the sound of Zachary's screams.