My Idol's Baby Sister

I Miss You, Idiot

1987

"You think daddy is going to like this?" My three year old daughter, Melody, asks.

A lot has happened in three years. Mötley Crüe has gotten even bigger which I honestly didn't think was possible. David left Van Halen after the tours for 1984 and he was replaced by this guy named Sammy, he's okay I guess but I really miss having David around. My band is pretty well done, Ace moved away, Zac left the band completely, Beck has been in and out of rehab for a while now, and Hannah got married to CC. I started learning the ropes with Van Halen's label and I work pretty close with their publicist. Eddie is still married to Valerie, Alex is still married to Kelly, and Tommy and I are still happily married.

Melody is getting so big! I can't believe it, like I'm wondering where all the time went. Melody is getting tall and talkative, everyone loves her so much! I mean she is the only baby in our weird rock star family, for the time being at least Hannah is pregnant. Anyways, Melody still is her father's daughter with long brown hair, dark brown eyes, and the biggest sense of humour on this planet.

"Yeah, little lamb, I think he's going to love it." I tell her as I fix the candles in the cake.

It's the day before Tommy's birthday and Melody wanted to make him a cake homemade. The only thing is Tommy is on tour right now but he promised Melody that he'd be home for his birthday. That's what worries me.

Tour is hard on all of us, Melody especially. See Tommy and I know that when he's on tour that he's going to come back, Melody forgets that Tommy will come back. She has nightmares and cries all night so when Tommy promises that he'll be home soon Melody gets her hopes up. When Tommy can't come home, our daughter gets heartbroken. Yes, I get my hopes up too but I don't care about myself getting hurt as much as my baby getting hurt.

"I'm going to put this in the fridge and we'll get it out tomorrow when daddy gets home." I say. "Can you go into the living room and start to clean up your toys?"

"But--" She starts but stops when she starts to laugh. "Mama, do I have to? Daddy doesn't make me."

"We both know that daddy makes you clean up your toys, lamb." I tell her.

"Well uncle Eddie--" Melody tries and I shake my head.

"Uncle Eddie doesn't count." I say and she sighs. "Quick like a bunny."

"I thought I was a lamb." She mocks as she walks into the living room.

My daughter if definitely her father's child.

As soon as I pick up the cake to put it in the fridge the phone starts to ring. My three year old has I gotten into the habit of answering the phone because she thinks every time the phone rings it's going to be daddy. I hear Melody pick up the phone and I start to hurry just in case it's work or something but I slow my pace as soon as I hear she squeal 'hi daddy!'

My daughter run into the kitchen about ten minutes later and holds the phone up to me.

"Daddy wants to talk to ma." Melody tells me.

"Thank you, little lamb." I say and take the phone from her.

Melody goes and sits at the table with her colouring book and crayons while I hold the phone to my ear.

"Hey babe, I want wait to see you. I miss you so much." I smile.

"Hey Katie, I miss you too. That's what I want to talk to you about." Tommy admits. "I might not be able to make it home for tomorrow."

I don't say anything for a second and I just look over at Melody who is innocently colouring. Tommy wouldn't have the heart to tell his daughter, he doesn't have the heart to break his daughters hope. He's perfectly fine with me breaking the news to Melody though.

"Melody, sweetie?" I call and she looks up. "I'm going to go into the living room for a second. Promise me that you'll stay put?"

"I promise, ma." She assures me and I smile.

I walk into the living room and do my best to make sure that Melody can't hear me.

"Tommy, you promised our daughter....you promised me." I remind him.

"I know, I know, Katie this is my job." He reminds me.

"You don't think I don't realize that?" I ask a but harsher than I meant to. "But I'm sure all the pretty girls make everything a bit easier, don't they?"

"Katie, stop it." Tommy tells me. "You know I don't look at them, this is my career and my dream."

"What about your family, Tommy? We miss you!" I agonize. "Melody asks me every night 'when is daddy coming home?' Tommy I can't answer that anymore. Some times it feels like we'll never see you again. I feel like you're going to find some pretty little groupie and leave me, Baby, I can't compete with those girls." I rant and I feel tears well up in my eyes.

"Katie, think of this on my end. I'm away from my wife and my daughter!" He snaps. "I have it harder than you do!"

"You're not the one that has to tell our daughter that daddy isn't coming home this week. It makes me the bad guy because Melody idolizes you!" I hiss. "She's never going to realize how hard I work because all she wants is her daddy." I start to cry but I won't ever admit it to Tommy. "She wakes up crying because all she wants is you and I can't give her that."

"Katie, stop." Tommy says but his voice sounds like he's crying too.

"It's true, Tommy. I don't know how else to spin it." I cry.

"Melody loves you, she loves you more than anything." He tries and I shake my head. "Do you have any idea how much she talks about you? It makes me miss the two of you so much more! It fucking sucks being away from you like this but I can't help it right now! I want to be home with you and Melody but the band needs me! Do you want me to quit the band or something?"

"Of course not! I just want to be able to see you more! I miss my fucking husband!" I yell.

The line goes quiet for a little while and I hear a door open on Tommy's end of the phone. Someone walks in and I hear Nikki's voice asking Tommy if he's okay and my husband brushed him off. Nikki says something about a sound check.

"Look Katie, I've got to go." Tommy says quickly. "Tell Melody I love her and give her a kiss."

"Yeah, I wil--" I cut myself off when I hear the phone disconnect.

I put the phone on the charger and Melody walks into the living room with tears rolling down her cheeks, my heart instantly breaks to a million pieces and I sit down on the floor. My daughter runs into my arms and starts bawling.

"Are you and daddy going to break up?" She cries.

"No, no, baby. It was just a fight." I assure her.

"So is daddy still coming home tomorrow?" Melody wonders and wipes her eyes.

"Baby, I don't know." I admit. "I hope so."

I miss him so much it's forcing us to fight.