My Idol's Baby Sister

Ups And Downs

I think it's a little ironic, when we weren't trying to get pregnant we got pregnant but now that we're trying we have no such luck. Nine months of trying and failing to get pregnant have gone past and now we're getting ready for another trip, to Greece and the Netherlands.

Melody starts school the first week of September and I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready for my baby to start kindergarten because that means I get to go stir crazy at home all day waiting for her to come back. It's going to fucking suck and it's just going to be worse when Tommy's on tour. I'm not mentally prepared for all of this.

"What's bouncing around in that head of yours?" My husband's voice asks and I look up from packing Melody's suitcase to see him leaning in the doorway of our daughter's room looking at me.

"Nothing." I lie and Tommy laughs.

"I can hear your brain going a million miles a minute." He tells me and walks over to me. "What's going on, babe?" He asks and hugs my shoulders.

"I'm freaking out about Melody starting kindergarten." I admit and he sighs.

"Thank god I'm not the only one!" Tommy says loudly. "I'm freaking out about how the other kids are going to treat her and I'm freaking out about how the teachers are going to treat her. What if she's not as smart as the other kids? What if she's too smart and the other kids bully her?" He lists all his questions and drops down on our daughter's bed. "I'm her dad and it's my job to protect her but I can't protect her from all those kids. It's a really shitty feeling." Tommy admits and I frown.

"Baby, don't think like that." I say and he pulls me down so I'll laying on top of him. "She's going to do great at school and she's going to have so many friends." I say and kiss him quickly. "Everything is going to work out great."

"I hope you're right." He admits and I smirk.

"I'm always right, my love." I joke and kiss his lips again.

I get up off my husband and continue to pack Melody's suitcase. Tommy just sits up and watches me do this for a little while.

"Katie, are we lucky this month?" Tommy asks after a while.

This is a bit more innocent than Tommy asking me if I'm late. Like I said a bit earlier we've been trying for nine months to try and get pregnant again without luck. Tommy will ask me every month if 'we're lucky this month' with just a hint of optimism.

Tommy wants to have more kids and I know that the longer this goes on the more it's going to take a toll on him. My husband has always been more optimistic than me when it comes to stuff like this and he claims that he has to be, Tommy knows that the minute he loses faith in this cause then it's going to break me. This is Tommy being strong for me when I can't be strong for myself.

"A couple of days but nothing to get our hopes up for yet." I tell him as I fold a shirt with  Cookie Monster on it and place it in the suitcase.

"I hope this isn't another false alarm." Tommy admits.

We've had a couple of those. This one time I was almost two weeks late and literally the day we bought the pregnancy test I got my period again. The false alarm bullshit is worse than just knowing that you didn't get pregnant that month.

"Do you feel sick at all?" He wonders.

"A little bit but Eddie and Valerie have been sick the past few days so it might just be that." I remind him and he sighs.

"Why do you do this, Katie?" Tommy asks sharply.

"What?" I ask confused.

"You're making excuses for pregnancy symptoms. I thought you wanted to have another baby." He reminds me a little harshly and I cross my arms.