All I Want

5

I was staring at the wall. I was still processing yesterday, from the failed lunch to my mother not even hesitating to deny the Harold situation. And just like almost every morning, there was a knock on the door. I pulled my sheets up to my face, since I didn't want to see or talk to anyone. I moaned and rolled my eyes as I kept hearing the knocks, because this time one wasn't enough. I let a sigh come out as I fixed my position. I sat on the bed with the sheets covering the bottom half of my body.

"Come in." I ordered, a flat tone in my face. It was Conor. He had a big smile on his face and as he entered my room with a silver tray of food, I smiled too. 

"Surprise," He walked toward the bed with the food. I eyed what was on the tray and I felt hungry at the second. "Breakfast in bed for my queen." He kissed my forehead and then he placed the tray on my legs. He walked to the other side of the bed and threw himself next to me.

"This is new," I said, taking a sip of my orange juice. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," He nodded. "I'm more than okay," I offered him a warm smile and then went straight to take a bite of my croissant. He grabbed my hand and started playing with my fingers as I ate my food. "Taylor." He said, serious. His eyes were on me and I tried to swallow my food before speaking.

"Yeah?" I pressed my lips together, looking at him. 

"Marry me." He said. No question there. That was a total surprise. I wasn't expecting it to happen this way. Not after everything that has happened for the last couple of days, every thing has affected every thing.

"What?" I chuckled. I didn't know how to respond, even worse... what to respond.

"Marry me." He took out a Tiffany box from his pocket and opened it in front of me. The most beautiful ring I've ever seen was right in front of me. I smiled at him.

"Yes, I will marry you." I replied. He placed the ring on my finger. He wrapped me in his arms and I could easily feel his heartbeat. His heart was pumping so fast, I swear it felt like it wanted to run away from his chest. He pulled me away and stared right into my eyes. He pressed his lips into mine and we began our kiss. It tasted different. His right hand dropped to my waist, as he tried pulling up my sleep wear. I felt him smiling, just as if he was struggling between smiling and kissing. I pulled him closer to me, letting him be on top. His touch usually felt like electricity but it didn't feel that way in this moment and I stopped right before things could go any further. I looked at him and all I could see in his eyes was love. I felt like he wanted this moment to happen so bad. He moved his head to my right ear and I closed my eyes as he kissed my neck softly.

"It's been too long, don't you think?" He whispered. I took a deep breath. I nodded, letting him win this one. He started to kiss my neck while I unzipped his pants. He moaned in my mouth and then we kept going with the kiss. He won the fight with my sleepwear as it was already on the floor. He stopped kissing various parts of my body to take off his shirt. Even if I was feeling this entire moment out of place and really uncomfortable, I wanted to make love to him. I wanted to prove myself things were okay with him and our relationship. He started our kiss as his hands moved over my skin, back and forth my waist, but no electricity traveled between us. Next thing we knew a knock on the door interrupted the moment he wanted so badly to happen. He let a sigh out. I rushed to pick up my sleepwear from the floor.

"Yes?" I asked. I noticed Conor's body was straight up, his eyes were on me, as I finished dressing up.

"Miss, your mom wishes to speak to you." Alondra spoke from the other side of the door.

"I'll be there in just a minute." My lips still had traces of Conor's kisses, so I wiped them off with one of my fingers.

"Unbelievable." He scoffed, rolling his eyes. 

"I'll be back in no time," I smiled. "Okay?" He nodded. I walked out of my room and went straight to my mother's.

"Taylor, darling, close the door and come over here," She said, extending her arms, expecting a hug. "Show me that ring!" I showed her my hand and as expected, she squealed in excitement. As hard as I wanted to be excited with her, I couldn't. I couldn't be excited at all about the ring, even thought it was everything I wanted. I think the fact I was mad at her, influenced my emotions. 

"He proposed, finally." I stated the obvious fact.

"It was about time, I'm so glad he took my advice."

"What advice mother?" I furrowed my eyebrows, waiting for her response.

"I told him someone else was in the race to get your heart," She chuckled. "Of course you just cleared out my doubts about that silly mechanic, but it was a good because he got scared."

"Mother, you have to stop playing with people. Damn it." I complained.

"You got what you wanted, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but I didn't want to get it this way," I looked at her one last time and walked out of her room. I walked toward mine and found Conor staring out the window. He didn't notice I was watching him from the door, so I walked downstairs, took my car keys and rushed to my car. I started the engine and drove down the driveway. The gates opened quickly and I accelerated. I started driving with no destination whatsoever. After minutes of driving I found myself at a street I knew I wasn't supposed to be in. I parked the car in the usual parking spot, before getting out I took a deep breath. I fixed my hair and opened the door. I locked the car and stood right next to it, as I tried to look for that someone I knew I wasn't supposed to look for. "There he is." I whispered to myself. I walked toward him and as I did, I noticed his co workers pointing at me and staring me down. He turned around. Those green eyes pierced into my soul the second they were on my blue ones. 

"What are you doing here?" He asked, as he cleaned his hand with a piece of cloth. "And dressed like that?" He said, addressing the fact I was wearing my sleep wear. 

"I didn't know where else to go." I confessed. He crossed his arms against his chest, furrowing his eyebrows. I showed him the ring on my finger and his face expression changed drastically.

"You are getting married," He cleared his throat. "Congratulations, I guess."

"I'm not excited at all." I pressed my lips together, looking down at the ground, waiting for his response. My eyes started to fill with tears, but I didn't want him to see that. I was mad and I swear I all I wanted was to scream and run away. I felt such an urge of forgetting about the life I made my entire life in this town, because I realized my mom was the one who made that life for me. 

"Why wouldn't you?" 

"I don't know," I scoffed. "I mean, I do." I sniffed, closed my eyes and glanced up at him. I was hoping there was no tear in sight.

"Spill." He walked closer to me. He looked at me like he knew what my answer was and it was making me weak. 

"I think it's because I might have mixed feelings." He was walking closer to me. I looked at his lips and then at his eyes. He closed his eyes, shook his head and took a step away from me. I let a sigh come out of my lips. 

"Well," He cleared his throat, but not daring to look at me. "You should fix that then," I slightly nodded. "I should get back to work and you should get home, go to your fiancé, he must wondering where are you." He looked at me for a second and then walked away. I stood there watching him leave and in that moment, I felt a heaviness in my chest. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I should've confessed or to just stay quiet and keep going on with the wedding. My mind and heart were opposites right now.