All I Want

20

It was time for me to meet with Harold. I took a deep breath as I looked at my reflection. This whole Harold thing was wrong and even know we both knew it, it didn't stop us. I guess we were stronger than that. I took my car keys and walked out of the room.

"Love, where are you heading to?" 

"Mom," I stopped and turned around to face her. "Hi, I'm going to see some details about a house and uh," My chat with Lily was going to be the perfect excuse for tonight. "An interior designer," I pressed my lips together, trying to think of the name. "Sarah Callum, I think it is." 

"Oh, that's beautiful. You already have an eye on a house!" She said and happily reached out for a hug. I hugged her, trying to keep a smile on my face. "I'm so proud of you darling."

"Okay, mom," I spoke, as I tried to remove myself from the hug. "I'm going to be late if I don't leave now." She kissed my cheek and I walked downstairs. I head out of the house and straight to my car. I started the engine and drove as fast as I could. It was already ten minutes after six, I didn't want Harold to think I wasn't going to arrive. I parked the car right in front of Johnny's and the light was on. A smile creeped on my face since it meant he was still there. I walked over to the front door and quietly, I opened it. It made a squeaking sound, one I was already familiar with. 

"Hey, you." Harold spoke as I noticed he was laying on the couch. Johnny's place was small but it had everything anyone can need. I walked over to the couch and as I did, he turned the tv off.

"Hey, sorry I'm late," I sat next to him. His hand was on my thigh. I stared at the tv as I was about to explain to him the reason behind my late arrival. "My mom stopped me and I had to come up with some excuse, so," I gulped. "I told her that I was going to meet up with some interior designer," I chuckled. I couldn't set my eyes one something else that wasn't the tv. "After a busy day of invitation giving, all I want is not to think about the house or the future kids or Conor."

"Seems to me someone was fed up with questions today." His arm was around my shoulders, he pulled me in and I rested my head on his chest. I blinked several times to remove the trance the turned off tv had me on. 

"You have no idea," I rolled my eyes. "How was your day?" I asked, looking at him. He pressed his lips together, it took him a few seconds to spill out.

"Well, there was a lot of activity, but I finished everything on time and uh," He scratched his temple. "Johnny called a few minutes after you did and uh, he told me he was arriving tomorrow, so this is our last day."

"Oh," I cleared my throat. "I thought he was arriving two weeks from now."

"Guess he isn't." He let a sigh come out of his lips.

"So, this is our last night together..." He nodded. "I wish it wasn't though."

"It's better that this whole thing is ending soon. As more time goes by, it hurts more," I grabbed his hand. "You know what?" He asked. I shook my head. "Let's write each other a letter and we'll read it when we are alone. It will work as a memory for whatever it is that we had. What do you think?"

"I think it sounds perfect. I saw a legal pad on the dining table, I'm going to go get it," I walked over to the dining table and found what I was looking for. As I was there I went through some drawers and found two pens, it felt like everything was conspiring in our favor. At least for the letters. "And luckily I found these." I said, showing off the pens. We sat down and he looked at me, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Woman, you have to go some place else." He said as I handed him a sheet from the legal pad.

"Ugh," I slightly slapped his shoulder. "I'm going to the room. See ya in a few minutes." I walked over to the room and sat on the bed. I stared at the lines on the paper, I took a deep breath and started. 

Hey Harold,

I'm so not going to start this letter with 'Dear Harold' and I'm going to write whatever comes into mind. I don't want this letter to be perfect, because you and I, we never were. Not as individuals, not as a "couple".  Ironically for us, we are ending this whole thing in such a perfect way. At least to me it is. 

I think during this whole period of time, I've come to find ways to show how much I feel for you. It hasn't been easy or the way I wanted too, but I've tried. I guess this letter will have the purpose to remind you of all the crazy things and feelings we shared. To remind you about this night, the most.

I'm sitting on the bed that was our shelter. It protected us someway from the outside craziness that was going around, a craziness that I let happen to us. A craziness that you didn't deserve or wanted, but that you still took with loving arms because I was the thing you deserved and wanted. So, I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for the secret rendezvous and the whispering on the phone, the trouble in the motel, the crying and mostly, I'm sorry for the ending. But you were right, we were never meant for a happy ending. We still tried though, that counts.

I paused. I stared at the three paragraphs and smiled. But I had to keep writing. I took a deep breath and followed.

I think it's wonderful the amount of happiness and light you brought into my world. I could never find enough words to thank you for such an out of this world act. You've given me so much love and happiness, an amount no one has given me. And that's what hurts the most of it all. I'm saying goodbye to you and that joy only you know how to give. 

There's no stopping me from believing you and I will meet again. I have to believe that in order to keep me from going insane. I love you and I know I'll always do.