All I Want

19

In a matter of a month, between wedding planning and dates with my husband-to-be, Harold and I have had sex almost every day. Pillow talk involved a lot of wedding chit chat and the both of us saying it was the last time, even though we both knew deep down it wasn't true. As I organized the order of the guest list, I started to think about him. Harold was the only thing living in my mind these days, it was crazy. I grabbed my phone and dialed his phone. It didn't took long for him to answer the call.

"Hello." He picked up.

"Hi there, what's up?"

"I just finished fixing a car, it took me a while," He let a sigh come out of his lips. "A bit tired, if you were wondering."

"I was," I chuckled. "Are you missing me?" 

"A lot," I bit my lip as a smile was trying to make its way out of me. "Am I going to see you today?"

"Conor is on a trip in London and I have some invitations to give out, you know the wedding is in a month and a half so I need to-"

"Yeah, I get it." He interrupted. I pressed my lips together, the topic got him uncomfortable... every time.

"Sorry, uh, we can meet at the same place?" That same place was at Johnny's. He was a friend of Harold's and since he was on a trip back packing around Europe, he left Harold in charge of his plants and the dog. "Harold?" I asked, after several seconds of no response. 

"Sure, six sounds good?" I nodded. 

"Yeah, I'll see you later," He ended the call as soon as I finished the last word. I put my phone on its original spot, next to the box with the invitations. I stared at the list, as I played with one of the corners of the sheet of paper with my index, I let a sigh come out of my lips. I didn't want to go through with the wedding and some part of me was hoping Conor could set me free and forget everything about me and my family. A sudden knock on the door was caught by my senses. "Come in." I ordered to whomever was at the door. 

"The car's ready downstairs Miss." Alondra spoke. I smiled at her.

"Thank you, I'll be down in a second." I slid my phone inside my purse and took the box with the list and invitations inside. I walked out of my room and noticed my mother was downstairs trying to position a vase with tulips. 

"Taylor darling, do you like these here?" She asked as I reached the last stair. I pressed my lips together, furrowed my eyebrows and looked at the vase placed at the marble table. 

"Sure, looks nice."

"Have you made up your mind about peonies or tulips?" I scoffed.

"Sunflowers." I said, flat. No smile or sarcasm. 

"That's tacky sweetheart, I'd rather you have tulips. I know peonies are your favorite ones, but I think tulips would look beautiful." I took a deep breath. I was doing fine lately, no sarcasm or rude comments. It was my wedding, that mean it was my choices too.

"It a was joke mother, I'd love peonies," I offered her a warm smile and left the house. I saw the driver waiting at the car door and as soon as I was getting closer, he opened the door. "Thanks." I entered the car and he shut the door. 

"Miss," The driver said, drifting my attention away from the invitations. Those white envelopes made me cringe every time. "Where to first?"

"Here's the list, you know them well." He took the list in his hands and inspected it. His eyes went up and down as he gazed through the distinguished names on it, he pressed his lips  together and gazed up at me. He showed me a warm smile and I gave one back. I let a sigh come out of my lips as I leaned my head against the car window. I noticed people walking down the streets as I was trying not to think about that stupid list or the wedding. If the end of the world was here and the only way to save humanity is by me being honest, I'd have to say I'm thrilled about the wedding, but the one thing that does not excite me at all is the person I'm being married to. I've worked so hard on the planning, that it makes me feel comfort. At the end, I guess I'll get half what I wanted... a dream wedding.

"We're here at the Donaldson's Miss." I shook my head, trying to bring myself back to Earth. I smiled and got out of the car with the invitation in hand. I walked over to the door and to my surprise, there was no door man. I rang the doorbell and in a matter of a second the door was already open. 

"Good day, who are you looking for?" A man asked, immediately after I set foot on the inside of the house. 

"Lily Donaldson, I have this invitation for her and Gustav, uh," I cleared my throat. "Her husband." I extended the invitation to him and when his hand was about to take it, Lily interrupted. 

"Oh my goodness, Taylor!" She squealed, extending her arms. I walked over to her and she took me into a hug. "Is this the wedding invitation?!" She asked, as if she didn't know the answer. I nodded. "Come, let's chat for a few minutes!" She enthusiastically took my hand and we walked over to the living room. 

"Your house," I spoke, looking around as we sat down on the couch. "It's pretty."

"Thanks, Gustav hired an interior designer and I spent weeks sitting down with her and sort of discussing my dream house," She chuckled. "You should do the same! I'll give you her number." She reached for her phone and started scrolling down. 

"How have you been?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"I've been good," She didn't take her eyes off the screen. "I just sent it!" Indeed she did, my phone buzzed. "So where are you planning on living? Ah, I can't wait for your house warming party!" She started clapping her hands and smiling like my wedding and my future plans were hers. She was way more energetic about it than I was. As she kept speaking about house deals I just nodded, trying to set my mind somewhere else and looking for a way to get out of this house as soon as possible. Lily was lovely, but ever since she married Gustav, she's been different. I guess it was the fact she stayed in the house all day while he worked at the office. He was twenty years older than her and the fact she did the exact same thing that I was about to do with Conor and still has the will to be this smiley and energetic, surprises me.