All I Want

12

After a few hours of driving, we finally arrived to the motel. The ghosts of lovers, hookers and other men's wives haunted the room. It felt like a thousand couples have come inside these exact four walls to have a little thrill... and we were about to join the list. 

"This is not what you're probably used to, but it will do." Harold spoke, breaking apart the silence flooding in the room. I stared at the room, the crooked bed, wooden floor, yellow toned walls... it was the typical motel you see in a movie.

"I've been to cheap motels before." I lied. Never in a million years I thought this day would come, mostly because I never saw myself falling for anyone other than Conor and he never would come to a place like this.

"Really?" He chuckled, catching the lie in a heartbeat. 

"Fine," I crossed my arms against my chest. "I haven't, but it isn't that bad."

"The bed will probably squeak and the sheets will probably feel dusty, but it isn't that bad." He spoke. I chuckled in my mind, my cheeks reaching up to my eyes. Couldn't avoid the smile from shaping upon my lips.

"I will get through tonight, and, uh, hold on," I got interrupted by the buzzing phone in bag. I took it out and it was no shocking news to me. "Hello?"

"Taylor darling where are you?" My mother asked. I took a deep breath. I said I wasn't going to answer, but a sudden wave of anger flooded my insides. I wanted to say so many things to her, starting with the fact she used an unknown number and how I couldn't predict it was her. 

"Far. I don't want you too look for me." I said, as I paced back and forth the room.

"Come on, are you with Harold?" She scoffed. "You ran away didn't you?"

"Running away is for cowards mom," I said, even though that's what I just did. "I'm just on a vacation from you and Conor oh, and dad too." I rolled my eyes.

"Stop being a brat for God's sake Taylor," The tone in her voice changed completely. "You know pretty well what's at stake if you don't marry Conor." She reminded me.

"Does he know I'm not there?" I stopped pacing. I stood by the window, looking outside. As I waited for her response. 

"No, I can't imagine if he finds out. So, please come back." She demanded.

"Mom, I know you are against whatever feeling I have towards Harold. I know you despise him, but he's gentle and nice. He may not be my future, but he is very much my present and I don't want to give that up. My happiness can't mean so little to you guys."

"It means a lot to us," She corrected. "But your dad's freedom is at stake. Do you want that?" She threw back those words and it felt like stepping into a thousand needles. The simple thought hurt, a lot. I didn't want that, obviously, but there had to be some other way he could be free without my submitting into an arranged marriage.

"Of course not, but I want to be happy too. Conor won't make me feel like that."

"But he will provide for you, you won't have to a work a day in your life. Sweet heart, I want what's best for you."

"Then leave me alone, please. I couldn't care less about the money. I thought I could have a conversation with you, but it's pretty hard to do. Good bye mother." I ended the phone call and as I tried to control my tears, I took a deep breath. I felt Harold's hand on my shoulder, he wrapped me in a hug and I couldn't contain it anymore. I started crying my eyes out. 

"Can I guess what she said?" I nodded. "She said that I don't have the money and that somehow Conor will make your life easier."

"Yeah," I wiped my tears, breaking off the hug. "I don't care about the money. If I did, I swear I wouldn't be here."

"No offense but if you want to prove something to your mom, this isn't the way."

"What do you mean?" We sat on the bed.

"I'm not a toy Taylor and I don't want to be involved in family drama. Why are you so desperate to prove that you feel something for me?"

"Because I do. I can't explain it. It's a connection I felt from the very first second I saw you. I felt butterflies and that kind of thing. Listen, if I was playing with you, do you honestly think I'd be in this cheap ass motel with this crooked floor and squeaking bed?"

"You're being very brave right now Taylor Swift." We both chuckled. I put my arms around his neck and stared at his lips for a few seconds before he pulled me into a kiss. The kiss was soft and it felt like the most innocent thing in the world, until his hands made their way to my waist and I guided him through my torso. My heart was accelerating like never before. I felt scared, but I still decided to let him know what I wanted through my body. 

"We can finally make it happen." I spoke, interrupting our kiss. His eyes were on my chest. He took a deep breath and then he looked at me in the eye. 

"I want to, so bad." His forehead was against mine as a smile escaped his lips. I bit my lip trying to control my desires.

"Should we?" We both pulled away. "Sorry, I just don't want you to think this is all I want from you." 

"I don't want you to think that's what I want from you either," He giggled. "I think we should take this slow then."

"I'm sorry to leave you high with this." I said, hoping he'd get what I meant.

"Yeah it will go back to normal in a few seconds." We both chuckled. 

"I'm going to change into my sleepwear, I'll see you in a second." He nodded. I stood up from the bed and walked toward the bathroom. I took a deep breath, trying to control every sexual thought running around in my mind. I wanted him so bad, but I wanted to make this work even more. I wanted this to last, more than anything and I was going to try to make it something strong enough to endure everything my family and Conor could throw at me.