Is Your Warriors OC A Mary-Sue?

Deathstar

This OC was submitted by sweetdevil4life.

Name: Deathstar/Deathheart (Warrior/Deputy)

Is there a specific reason for the name Death? Heart, by what I've read from the bio, is from her bravery and courage, but Death?

Nickname: Death

Well, the nickname makes sense...

Clan/rank: ( clan I made up) leader of DeathClan

Okay, leader of DeathClan I'd get if it was named after her, but by the looks of it from her bio, DeathClan existed before she was born, especially if it was around long enough for Elders to be in the Clan.

Apprentice: Darkpaw (my sis)

Uh, cats aren't supposed to mentor their family, much less their own siblings. And Shellheart mentoring Oakheart doesn't count, because that was to the request of Rainflower, Oakheart's mother, in case you didn't know.

Gender: she-cat

Well, I can only really judge the gender if they have a stereotyped name...

Looks: red eyes, sharp claws, snake-like fangs, black fur, grey tabby stripes, white tail tip along with white ears,

So, she would be described as 'A black tabby she-cat with white tail and ear tips and unusual snake-like teeth.' Okay, seriously? I'm sorry, but 'Snake-like fangs/teeth, red eyes, and black fur are VERY stereotypical for a cat with the name Death, which are only OC's, because I've never heard of a cannon Warrior with the name Death.

Mate: none

Female leaders aren't usually given mates, so that is stereotypical.

Sexuality: demisexual

Okay, I think I know that you got this idea from HappyDoggy18, since I said that it was original. But sadly, the originality badge for this only goes to HappyDoggy18.

Age: 20 moons

20 moons for a leader is WAY too young. I mean, it takes six moons to become an apprentice, six to twelve moons to become a Warrior, depending on the level of learning capability of the apprentice, then give maybe four or five moons before giving an apprentice to the Warrior, unless under special circumstances, then six to ten more moons to train that apprentice, and then from one to any amount of moons for the previous deputy to either die or move to the elders den, and then StarClan knows how many moons after that waiting for the leader to give up their nine lives to StarClan.

Parents: mother's a warrior, father used to be the leader until Scourge killed him

I- uhh... Scourge, that's the thing... with a Clan name like DeathClan, you'd think that they'd be allied with BloodClan, not arch enemies...

Siblings: Darkpaw

Like I said before, siblings don't train each other...

Backstory: Deathpaw and her father were going hunting , they were on bad terms with Scourge cause once her father tried attacking on BloodClan but failed miserably and barely made it out alive, when Deathpaw turned into a warrior and got her warrior name Deathheart her father turned into a leader . Scourge attacked on DeathClan and killed her father with a single swipe , her mother and her barely escaped in time with some of the Warriors,kits,queens,and elders alone with Darkkit who was born a little ago when BloodClan is making their way to DeathClan. When some of DeathClan's cats came back to their clan there was nothing but dead corpse, before Deathheart's father died he made Deathheart the new leader and appointed Darkkit an apprentice name and Deathstar to be Darkpaw's mentor.

I don't really know where to begin... well, you only give two OC names, but mention tons of other OC's, a whole Clan full at that. An do he fact that Scourge killed her father, is really overused I see, as in a major villain from the cannon series killing a family member of an OC. And there is no Backstory about her kithood. Where did her name come from? Why is she called the same thing as her Clan, and then eventually become leader? Because if there is a DeathClan, the. Chances are there was already a Deathstar, unless you took the time to actually make it go back to the ancients. And there is absolutely no evidence to which territory this is, other than BloodClan being present. But I see tons of stories where BloodClan is back and in the Lake territories. So is this forest or lake?

Likes: hunting, collect stuff, helping others, making sure the clan is well fed, practicing fighting, the gathering,

Very typical Leader qualities, and the more and more I see of this OC, the more and more I feel like you made her just for this review...

Dislike: betrayers, harming her sibling, when cats fight for no reason, rude, leaf-bare, when her clan is starved or starving,

Again, typical leader qualities...

Strength: very fast,good swimmer, very strong , great at hunting,

Hahahahahahahahah, no. Very fast belongs to WindClan, good swimmer belongs to RiverClan, very string belongs to SkyClan or ShadowClan, and great at hunting belongs to ThunderClan. DeathClan should have its own unique set of traits.

Weaknesses: dangerous , impatient , cold and sarcastic,

A leader with typical good leader qualities would not be cold and sarcastic. Dangerous comes from her looks impatient is normal, but overused.

Extra: would do anything to protect her clan, would go hunting alone and doesn't stop until she gets food for her clan if her clan is starving, would do anything to protect her sibling, loyal to her clan,

Very very very overused for leaders, that is all I've got to say.

Okay, so I give Deathstar
10% Original
90% Changable
I'm sorry, but this OC is a MARY-SUE