Better Than Tears (sweeter than sleep)

Seems like a dream

He rolled over again. The room wasn't particularly warm, but he felt hot and restless. At the same time, he felt a coldness that he couldn't fight, something creeping up on him from the shadows. Jungkook let out a raw chuckle, the sound of it scraping against his throat and marking the silence of his room as soon as it died. He was so pathetic. He'd already half-forgotten the awful loneliness that he'd been swimming in, had gotten used to being saved from his distress by warm hands and a warmer smile.

Jimin couldn't be there to rescue him every time he felt like his world was shattering. And it wasn't shattering. He was just having trouble sleeping, same as always. He knew what would bring him to unconscious darkness, but he just really didn't want to cry. He'd never particularly liked crying, but it was normal, it was his sanctuary, it was what he did to get everything out of his head and into the open. It was his thing. It was his rescue.

But he'd found a better rescue and, damn it all, he wanted it. He wanted a hug so badly.

It was an odd feeling, this wanting, this craving for someone's warmth. Sure, he'd wished for his hyung plenty of times. He'd wished for his mom, for anybody who actually cared, but he'd never actually thought that he would get anyone. Jungkook was a broken thing that nobody would ever want and he knew it.

He wished he knew Jimin's number.

No, it was better this way. Someone that nice didn't need someone like him to mess up his life. Better leave it. Let him phase out like everything else. Jungkook would get used to being alone again. He was always going to be alone. He knew that. He really knew that.

Jungkook rolled over again.

A vibrating ringing came from his phone on the side table behind him. He rolled back. The screen glared at him in the semi-darkness, making him blink several times to get used to the light. With his curtains pulled tight against the late afternoon, his room was shrouded in a ghostly shade of light. Jungkook picked up the phone, staring blearily at the screen. The number was unfamiliar. Nobody called him except his hyung and that one nice professor, but they were contacts. This number had no name. Who would be calling...Jungkook swiped hurriedly at the screen and held the phone up to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Jungkook-ah," came the answer, and even through the speaker, Jungkook could hear the warmth in Jimin's voice. It made him want to cry for how happy he found himself at hearing it, but his pillow was ruined enough already and Jimin needed an answer.

"Yes?" He pulled that one word out of his tear-scratched throat, trying to make it sound like he wasn't falling apart.

"You left. Snuck out, Tae says. Are you okay?"

Jungkook leaned back against the wall and ran a hand through his hair. "I just, it was time for me to leave."

"You didn't even eat breakfast." Then, "did you eat breakfast, Jungkook-ah?"

"No," Jungkook forced himself to say.

"Did you eat lunch?" Jimin sounded like he already knew the answer.

Jungkook answered him anyway. "No."

"Jungkook-ah," came the patient sigh, a touch of fondness in the tone that wrapped Jungkook up and gave him the tiniest bit of strength. "What are you doing now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Yeah, nothing. I was trying to sleep, but..." Jungkook trailed off and stared at the sheets.

Jimin was quiet for a moment. Jungkook held his breath without realizing it.

"Tae wants you to come for dinner."