Better Than Tears (sweeter than sleep)

This is my truth

"Taehyung mentioned he wanted to come up for the weekend. Is that alright with you?"

Jungkook looked up from incredibly messy column of notes to see Jimin holding out a mug of tea. He put down his pencil and took the cup gratefully, sipping the soothing taste of peppermint immediately. Even though homework was usually easy for him, Jungkook still hit roadblocks occasionally when his thoughts were too chaotic for him to capture and anxiety would rise up to choke him for no reason at all. To prevent the inevitable panic attack brought on simply thinking too hard about a subject that he already knew very well, Jungkook had asked Jimin if he could come over just to monitor him.

"If you're there, it's a reassurance. You won't let me get in too deep."

"How can you be sure I'll know when you're getting in too deep?"

"Hyung, you always know. Sometimes you notice before I do."

Sighing, Jungkook gulped at his tea again, resting his chin on his hand as he let the tension in his muscles relax a bit.

"Jungkook-ah." Jimin tapped his nose to get his attention. "You didn't answer me. Try to focus on a question asked before you slip into retrospection, remember?"

Jungkook flushed, unable to keep a little smile off his face to match Jimin's. "Sorry. Um, of course I would like to see Taehyung."

"That's what I thought." Jimin sat back and pulled out his phone. "I'll tell him you're looking forward to seeing him."

"Why wouldn't he text me?" Jungkook asked timidly, fiddling with his pencil.

"Have you texted him?"

Jungkook scrunched up his nose. "Not recently."

"He probably thinks you need space."

"Probably?"

Jimin smiled amusedly. "He thinks you need space. I tell him about how you're progressing, after all. Tae just wants you to be comfortable. If you're working hard at changing bad habits, he doesn't mind if he's forgotten for a little bit. He just wants you to get better."

Jungkook blinked and then buried his face in his arms to hide his "overwhelmed with affection" face. It was still hard to believe at times, the amount of love and concern that these two people had for him. Taehyung had spent far less time with him than Jimin had, and yet he was willing to let Jungkook ignore him if it meant he was getting better? It went against all logic, but Jungkook was learning that love wasn't necessarily logical.

"Cute." Jungkook heard Jimin say it before a hand patted his head. He still didn't look up.

"That's okay. You can be shy."

Jungkook dragged his head up just enough to pout at Jimin.

"It's getting late. I'm gonna go." Jimin stood up and reached for his coat. "Tomorrow's Thursday, so I won't be coming over. Call me if you need anything."

"Even just to hear your voice?"

"Even that." Jimin finished zipping up his coat. "You did fine last time. You'll do fine this time as well. Besides, you've got the weekend to look forward to."

Jungkook moved a hand in Jimin's direction, not sure what reaction he was hoping for. Still, Jimin didn't disappoint. Grabbing Jungkook's hand, he brushed a thumb across his knuckles a few times. "I'll see you on Friday, Jungkook."

"Goodnight, hyung." Jungkook watched his dorm room door close and dropped his head back onto his arms.

--

Somehow, Jungkook managed to get through the entirety of Thursday without calling Jimin. He wanted to a couple of times, but he fought against it. Instead, he wrote down in very nonsensical syllables exactly - vaguely - how he was feeling and how he recognized that he was feeling those things and they weren't going to conquer him. A playlist that Jimin had made for him played on repeat throughout the day, the lyrics of the song being irrelevant as the music simply provided him with a background buzz to cover his errant thoughts.

When he lay down after dinner and homework, Jungkook felt good. While he was certain that his version of good didn't measure up to the norm, he was satisfied with it. Mostly. At any rate, he'd made it through the day without calling Jimin and that was good.

He called Jimin anyway.

"Jungkook-ah," Jimin's voice was melodious as always and warm as a hug. "How are you?"

"I'm good." Jungkook tried to put the smile he had on into the sound of his voice like Jimin was able to so easily. "Today wasn't so bad. I listened to your music and didn't think too much."

"That's good. I'm glad you like the playlist. Did you need something?"

"No." Jungkook felt very pleased to be able to say this. "I called you because I wanted to, hyung. I mean, not because I needed to. You know? I could've called you when I felt bad or when I was scared, but I didn't. I called you now."

There was a pause in sound on the other end, so Jungkook held his breath so as not to break the silence.

"Jungkook-ah." Jimin spoke his name like he loved the sound of it and Jungkook basked in it. "That's exactly what I wanted. I wanted you to call me because you just wanted to. I'm so proud of you."

Jungkook felt his cheeks heat up, flushing from Jimin's praise. He basked in that too, in Jimin's pride in his independence. "It was just one day, hyung."

"There will be more."

"What if I go backward? What if I call you because I need you?"

"I won't be disappointed in you, Jungkook-ah. I won't scold you or think badly of you. You know that, don't you?"

"Yes." Jungkook scowled at the wimpy effort. "I know that. It's okay."

"It is. Because you will heal in your own time. Not because you want to make me proud or because you think you're less that other people. You'll heal because you want to and you're willing to work toward it. And that's why it doesn't matter how long it takes, Jungkook. It doesn't matter because it's for you."

A tear rolled down Jungkook's cheek and he wiped at it almost angrily. "Thank you," he whispered.

"Are you crying?"

"It was just one tear."

"It's okay."

"I'm not. I'm good."

"Okay. Goodnight, Jungkook-ah. Taehyung will pick you up in the morning."

"Okay. Goodnight, hyung." Jungkook hung up before it got awkward and lay back against his pillows, just breathing.

Tomorrow, Taehyung.

Tomorrow, unbridled affection.

Tomorrow, love.

--

Jungkook opened the door of his dorm building at 4:13am to a very floppy Taehyung who promptly pulled him back up to his room and collapsed on his bed. Being still somewhat asleep, Jungkook didn't bother thinking anything of it and just plopped down beside him and blinked sleepily, for a few moments, watching Taehyung's chest rise and fall. Then an arm reached out and hooked around his waist, making Jungkook smile as he rolled toward his friend.

"Just go back to sleep. We'll go back to Jimin's when it's actually morning," Taehyung murmured with his eyes still shut.

"Why are you here when it's not actually morning?" Jungkook yawned, burrowing into the nest of Taehyung's warmth.

"So I can sleep, Kookie. You're my teddy bear so be quiet and teddy-like."

Jungkook was already falling asleep, so this sentence made perfect sense to him. Plus, he was totally willing to receiving cuddly attention a little earlier than planned.