Better Than Tears (sweeter than sleep)

I forget the reality

Tangled was a bright, happy movie, clearly made for kids. Taehyung was enjoying himself regardless.

Jungkook was still enjoying the sensation of Jimin's cooking on his tongue and in his stomach, and was very aware of just how sandwiched he was.

Jimin would glance over at Jungkook from time to time, smiling a little before turning back to the movie. Jungkook noticed, but that was because he spent half the time lowkey watching Jimin out of the corner of his eye rather than the movie. It was a nice enough movie. But even if the characters seemed to be on this great, growing journey, Jungkook couldn't help but feel a little sad.

He knew what it was like to grow up all alone, locked in a tower with no experience of the outside world. School didn't count. He spent his entire childhood and teenage years either in his own home, at school or in the hospital, and now the college campus was a big enough world for him, but he knew that he could only stay for so long. Eventually he'd have to leave his new tower and there were so many unknowns to fight. He really didn't want to think about it.

So he didn't.

That's a lie, he totally did. He figured it was about halfway through the movie that he started to shiver, not tremble, no, no, he was not trembling, he was shivering. That made no sense considering he was under a blanket and flanked by two boys who emanated enough heat for three people, but he was shivering nonetheless. Jungkook pulled up the blanket and shook his head when Taehyung offered an arm to lean on. He couldn't cuddle. Taehyung would feel him shivering. He couldn't do it again. Not again. It was such a nice evening.

He'd had a good meal, food that he'd had no trouble eating, well, mostly. He didn't eat that much, but he ate, and that was something. He was with friends, or whatever they were, people who were comfortable sharing a couch, and a bed, and now he was watching a happy movie that should be making him happy, so why the hell wasn't he happy? God, would he ever be able to make it through a day without crying? Or at least without crying more than once? Would that really be so bad? Surely the crying gods wouldn't care if he didn't offer them as many tears as he was used to. It had to be okay to not cry. There had to be other ways to deal with emotions and memories and just thinking in general.

Jungkook was not going to cry.

So then, when the volume of the movie was abruptly lowered and Jimin put a hand on his chin, turning his face around so he could get a good look, Jungkook felt even more ashamed when Jimin touched his lip and brought it away red.

"Jungkook-ah, you're not going to have any lips yet if you keep biting them like that. You can do other things. You can tell me if you're having anxiety."

"You were, um, watching the, the movie," Jungkook stammered, wanting to look elsewhere but he chin was still held firmly in one of Jimin's hands, the other pressing a tissue gently to his lower lip.

"Is something wrong, Kookie? Do you want some water?"

Jimin nodded in place of Jungkook. The couch dipped and rose as Taehyung got out from under the blanket to get some water, presumably. Jimin finished dabbing at Jungkook's lip, sighing at the red stain on the tissue.

"I'm glad I caught you in time," Jimin murmured, almost as if to himself. "Jungkook-ah, what's wrong?"

Jungkook shook his head. "I'm okay."

"You're not."

"I'm..." but he was. Maybe for the rest of the world, this didn't qualify as okay, but he wasn't breaking down, he wasn't crying yet, he wasn't panicking and he wasn't running away, so really, "I'm okay, hyung." He mumbled in, trying to make sure he didn't start bleeding again. It seemed to grieve Jimin more than it should, and he hated be the reason for Jimin's frown.

"Jungkook--"

"I'm just, I was thinking, and then, then my emotions start going off by themselves and I can't really, I don't control them, I can't, they just happen. I can deal with it."

"I don't want you to deal with it."

Jungkook blinked in surprise at this response. "You, what?"

Jimin touched his cheek briefly. "I don't want you to have to continually deal with it, at least not on your own. I want you to tell me, or Tae, and I want us to work together so you can start to have control. I want you be able to decide whether or not you're going to cry. I want that for you."

It was a lot. A lot of good; it was wonderful, even. Jungkook was really not used to wonderful, but he didn't feel bad about the tears that filled his eyes after that. He really didn't deserve Jimin. He didn't deserve Taehyung, either. He didn't deserve anybody. But Jimin was looking at him like he was something special, like he really, really did care. It was incredible.

A glass of water magically appeared in Jimin's hand and was being pressed against Jungkook's mouth. He drank it all, slowly, with Taehyung's silent coaching in the form of a hand rubbing circles on his back.

"I don't want you to sleep alone, Kookie."

Jungkook swiveled slightly to see Taehyung's gentle and concerned face peering back at him. "It's not even bedtime, hyung," he whispered.

"I don't want you being alone at all. I'm gonna go back to your dorm and get some things. You're staying here tonight and we'll get more stuff tomorrow and you can stay until the end of break. He can stay, right, Jiminnie?"

Jimin was eyeing Taehyung with a very fond expression. "Of course he can. I think that's a great idea. Jungkook, is your key card in your coat?"

Jungkook couldn't possibly intrude, but he really couldn't possibly refuse, not when they were both looking at him like that, liked they cared, so, so much. "Yeah," he whispered again, looking down.

"Okay," came Taehyung's voice. "I'll be back. You can finish the movie without me. I've seen it like a hundred times." He bent back down and cupped Jungkook's cheek. "Don't be silly and just watch it with Jiminnie, okay? I'll be back soon and we can have hot chocolate and go to bed whenever you're tired. Can you do that for me, Kookie?"

Jungkook couldn't accept so much care, but he really couldn't possibly refuse, so he nodded against Taehyung's hand and the other withdrew it, pat him on the head once and walked toward the hall. Jimin's hand was rubbing up and down his arm.

"You want to finish the movie?"

He was so...overwhelmed. He mustered up a nod, and he knew, he knew, that Jimin knew, Jimin knew, that he was overwhelmed and confused and grateful and lots of other things and didn't have any words and really didn't care about the movie, but Jimin didn't make any point of noticing, just turned the volume up again. It was still fairly soft, the sound of it gentle on Jungkook's ears and taut nerves.

When Jimin offered an arm, Jungkook slumped against him. There was nothing else to do. Affection was being given out for free, whether he deserved it or not. He couldn't refuse, he could only accept.

But that's what Jimin wanted.

So that's what Jungkook wanted, too.