Better Than Tears (sweeter than sleep)

You make me begin

It became readily apparent to Jungkook that whatever had transpired in those first couple of days did not determine how all the rest of them were going to be.

Jimin seemed to take things one day at a time and Taehyung was pretty much a more enthusiastic and weirder version of Jimin, so he took things one day at a time and Jungkook was continually grateful. The morning after that tumultuous movie night was strikingly ordinary. He'd spent the night sandwiched between his two hyungs once again, their shared warmth creating a safe haven that Jungkook trusted and never wanted to let go of. All of a sudden he'd become attached, but that was alright, because Jimin and Taehyung were attached too. Taehyung more than Jimin, at least when it came to outward signs. He claimed that Jimin was super big on affection. So far, that was true. Jimin never turned down any of Taehyung's demonstrations and often initiated contact between himself and Jungkook, but Taehyung was by far the most outrageous. He would come up behind Jungkook and wrap his long arms around the younger, proclaiming some sort of endearing sentence like, "look how well we fit together, Kookie," or "good thing you're still slightly shorter, I'd hate to lose my tallest status," or even, "I like you."

Simple statements like that took him aback the most, but he couldn't deny that he liked hearing them. Even a phrase as simple as "I like you" was like magic to him. Taehyung said it all the time. He didn't say it to Jimin, only to Jungkook. Jimin was the recipient of "I love you," but since he'd known the other far longer, it made sense. Jungkook wasn't sure that he was ready to hear anybody tell him they loved him anyway. Everything, while wonderful and magical, was still very overwhelming. He was grateful for all the care he was given but it still took him my surprise. He loved that he was treated like an equal and never pressed to speak if he didn't want to, but he still felt guilty that he couldn't talk as much as Taehyung or even Jimin. He was content in the simple comforts of tea and home-cooked meals, but still felt like a trespasser on occasion.

Old habits die hard.

Experience had taught him not to be too reliant on others, for they were sure to let you down at some point. Jungkook wanted so badly to get rid of this mindset. He knew – he knew, he knew, he knew – that he could and did trust Jimin. Jimin trusted Taehyung, so Jungkook trusted him by default. But still, trusting someone with his mind was different than trusting them with his emotions. Even if he mentally counted them to be safe, his body was on a different clock. It still wanted to hide, to jerk away from physical touch, to cry whenever it felt overwhelmed by a situation.

Which is why, to Jungkook's great chagrin, he burst into tears the first time he met Hoseok.

Hoseok was Jimin's friend and colleague. They worked at a dance studio fairly near the college. Jimin would often drive Hoseok since he didn't have his own car and they lived in the same building. Hoseok had a friendly face, an open and friendly face, with a ready smile just like Jimin. He showed up at the door two days into Jungkook's stay with a lazy grin on his face and, "Park Jimin, where have you been?" for a greeting.

Jimin shrugged. "I've been here."

"You gonna let me in? It's still really winter out here."

"You mean wintery?"

"It's cold, that's what." Hoseok tugged off his jacket and boots, sighing into the warmth.

Jungkook was watching from his spot behind Taehyung, one hand clutching at the other's shirt. Taehyung made no mention of it, just shuffled forward slowly so Jungkook could follow easily. As Hoseok came further into the house he caught sight of Taehyung, sighing again immediately, a great, very put-out type of sigh.

"Oh, it's you."

"Yep," Taehyung said happily. "I've been holding Jiminnie hostage against his will, sorry."

"As if." Hoseok was unimpressed and about to say something else when he noticed Jungkook.

"Who's this?"

"This is Jungkook," Jimin answered proudly, like he was introducing his baby cousin or something. The comparison wasn't even that off. "Jungkook-ah, this is Hoseok."

"Hoseok hyung," came the immediate response.

Jimin rolled his eyes. "Make up your mind, would you? You never let me call you that in the studio."

"But Jungkook looks younger, yeah? So he can call me hyung. You can do whatever you want, brat." Hoseok moved forward and smiled at Jungkook.

Jungkook forced himself out from behind Taehyung, whose arm came up to encircle his waist loosely. "Hi."

"Hey, Jungkook. You a college kid?"

"Um, y-yeah." Jungkook was trying, he really was. And Hoseok even looked so friendly and nice, just like Jimin. "N-nice to meet you t-to." The stuttering was minimal, at least. At least.

"Don't tell me you're scared of me," Hoseok joked with a twinkle in his eye. "I'm harmless as a chickadee. Nice to meet you." And with that, he moved forward and engulfed Jungkook in a warm and comfortable hug, very similar to Jimin's or Taehyung's hugs, which he really liked. He could practically smell the sincerity coming off of Hoseok.

Old habits die hard, so naturally, Jungkook panicked.

When Hoseok pulled back, his face went from a cheery grin to mild horror in seconds. "Woah, are you okay?"

Jimin's face was that lovely shade of warmth, his hands already reaching out to pull Hoseok back further. Taehyung reacted even quicker, gently tugging Jungkook into a hug, effectively comforting him and hiding his tears. "You're okay, it's okay," Taehyung whispered in his ear, rubbing one hand up and down his back. "Just breathe, you're okay."

Jungkook was embarrassed, but anxiety trumps all other emotional states, so he ignored whatever Jimin was murmuring to Hoseok and concentrated on listening to Taehyung's calm heartbeat, endeavoring to match his to the much more reasonable pace. It took a minute, or two, or several, Jungkook was never totally sure. Eventually he settled, letting go of the tension in his shoulders. Taehyung stepped back a little and moved his hands up to Jungkook's shoulders, then his cheeks, wiping away the tears without comment.

"Do you want to go into the bedroom?"

"No, I'm okay," Jungkook said softly. "I was okay; I just didn't realize it quick enough. Retraining your body is hard."

Taehyung hummed his understanding, smiling fondly at him. "You good?"

Jungkook nodded, the embarrassment starting to come back now.

"Don't feel bad. You can't help it. Don't ever feel bad about it, you hear me, Kookie?" Taehyung's voice was soft as well, but Jungkook knew he truly meant those words. He nodded once more. "Okay then. Let's join the hyungs then, shall we?" The extra emphasis on 'hyungs' made Jungkook laugh a little.

"That's it," Taehyung smiled encouragingly. "Laughter is the best medicine. Come on, little dongsaeng, let's go cause mayhem, hmm?"

Jungkook had to giggle again at the simultaneously serious and dramatic expression on Taehyung's face. He really didn't deserve to be around such amazing people, but for whatever reasons, they wanted to be around him, so he was going to take whatever he could get. Turns out, he could get a lot. And it was free, all of it. He didn't get how that worked, even after Jimin explaining it several times about love and how it gives no matter what. He got that.

He just didn't get why anyone would love him.

But Jimin did, and Taehyung seemed to, too, and Jungkook wasn't going to reject it.

He was lost, but loved, and that was definitely something. Something else. Something amazing.

Jimin was amazing.