Better Than Tears (sweeter than sleep)

Just give me a smile

It wasn't a particularly small bathroom.

It wasn't a particularly large bathroom either, but it seemed to be progressively getting smaller as he breathed and Jungkook knew he was just digging himself into another anxiety attack. This couldn't be the way he was going to repay Jimin for taking care of him again, for carrying him home again. He was not going to freak out on him again. He was going to meet messy-hair and smile and definitely not freak out.

Jungkook closed his eyes for a second, steadying his breathing to match the tapping of his fingers against the sink. 1, 2, 3, 4. Each breath got four beats in, then four beats out. When he didn't have to force the rhythm, he released the porcelain and stood back, remembering what he was in there to do in the first place. He stripped off his jeans with a bit of a struggle, since wet fabric sticks to skin, then pulled on the sweatpants that messy-hair was so generously loaning him. They were really soft against his bruises and quickly rolled up the left leg so it wouldn't get any blood on it.

He measured a few more breaths just to be sure before he opened the door, peering out into the hall. Jimin and messy-hair were nowhere to be seen, though he heard low murmurs coming from the direction of the kitchen. A few seconds later, messy-hair poked his own head around the corner and grinned at him in the semi-darkness. He reached out and turned the hall light on, causing Jungkook to squint his eyes and look away.

"He's done," messy-hair called to Jimin.

Jungkook ducked back inside the bathroom and sat on the toilet, not wanting to encounter the other guy before Jimin truly introduced them. He heard footsteps in the hall and Jimin appeared in the doorway a moment after. He smiled, seeming to approve of Jungkook's transformation, then frowned only a second later.

"Are you having anxiety?"

Jimin was the type to notice and Jungkook didn't want to be caught lying. "Just a little." He tried to smile bravely but was pretty sure it came out crooked and ugly.

Of course, Jimin noticed, but he didn't press the issue. "You didn't wash out the cuts, did you?"

Jungkook shook his head, silently grateful that he didn't have to explain anything, especially since he didn't really know how to. His anxiety was often illogical and he wasn't claustrophobic, like Jimin would likely assume. He just didn't like the combination smallish bathrooms and his own, overbearing thoughts on strangers or the fact that Jimin had miraculously come to his rescue when he really didn't deserve it.

Jimin had put away his frown but didn't quite smile as he moved completely into the bathroom. He placed the cloth he was holding in the sink and ran the water as he retrieved bandages and a jar from the bathroom cabinet. After turning off the water, he squeezed out the cloth and knelt in front of Jungkook.

"It'll sting a bit, but I'm not bandaging dirty cuts." He held Jungkook's chin firmly with one hand and with the other, gently dabbed at the cut on Jungkook's cheekbone.

It did sting, but Jungkook didn't squirm, just pressed his lips together every few seconds. When he'd finished with his cheek, Jimin moved on to the revealed knee, his expression totally concentrated. The silence was so thick and Jungkook didn't like it very much, but he didn't want to be any more trouble, so he kept quiet even as Jimin carefully picked tiny specks of gravel from his palm, teeth almost itching as he held them back from biting through his lip again. Jimin would notice and he really didn't want to be on the receiving end of that almost unbearably gentle gaze when he was still caught up in self-pity.

But then, "There we go. I tried to be gentle. Was it okay?" Jimin looked up and Jungkook just nodded shyly, finding himself basking in the warmth that spilled from Jimin's eyes - and he wasn't even smiling. Jimin was a comfort vending machine even when he wasn't smiling. Jungkook didn't understand how that worked but he really didn't care.

"All right, that's good. I've got some salve here. It won't sting at all." Jimin looked back down.

Something like cool oil covered the stinging left behind from the washcloth and left his cuts feeling less like cuts and more like bruises. They still hurt, but it was more in the back of his head than a persistent nagging. Jimin carefully placed a large bandage on Jungkook's knee, a similar one on his hand and a smaller one on his cheek.

Finally, when he'd thrown away the wrappers, that warm smile returned to Jimin's face, the one Jungkook had been waiting for without knowing it. A feeling of safety immediately washed over him and he clung to it, knowing it'd soon disappear when messy-hair reentered the picture.

Jimin washed his hands quickly, dried them and held out one toward Jungkook. "You're all done. Lean on me and we'll go meet Tae. Jungkook-ah?"

Jungkook accepted the hand and let Jimin put his arm around his waist. "Yeah?"

"Tell me something. How did you know you didn't have to be scared of me?"

Jungkook swallowed and thought for a second. "I--, your eyes? I guess, I mean, I was just a mess but y-you kept smiling at me and you let me cry a-and you didn't get mad even once. You'd just met me, but you carried me to your home and you're j-just really warm." He felt himself blushing and wanted to hide his face in Jimin's shirt again.

"Tae smiles all the time, he won't get mad if you cry and trust me, he's pretty much the definition of a warm-hearted person." It sounded like Jimin was smiling. Sounded like it, because Jungkook was looking down at his feet.

Trust him, Jimin said. Trust him. "I trust you," Jungkook said, ever so softly, knowing Jimin would hear him anyway.

But he was pretty sure the definition of warm-hearted was standing right next to him.

--

This chapter is short.

The next one will be longer.