Better Than Tears (sweeter than sleep)

Never felt this way before

Jungkook broached the subject when he went to Jimin's apartment for the weekend.

"Hyung?" They were seated at the kitchen table with mugs of hot chocolate and Jimin was telling him something about Taehyung eating cat food when they were kids and Jungkook was sure it's pretty funny but he wasn't quite listening.

"Mm?" Jimin sipped from his mug like he wasn't quite listening too, but Jungkook knew he was.

"I called Taehyung-hyung last night."

"Yeah?"

"We, um, talked about things."

Jimin sat there patiently, fingers drumming softly on the sides of his mug.

"I'm not exactly sure why I called him, but he said that I was, that, um, why didn't I talk to you about it, and I think I thought it was scary? Scary, and he said that I could tell you anything, and I know that, and..." Jungkook gestured vaguely with his hands as if they could finish the sentence for him. "I was just saying that it was hard and he asked if I had been crying."

Jimin was looking at him almost sharply, but Jungkook knew he was just very interested to hear the rest of the story.

"And I said I hadn't, because I had you to talk to and to hug me."

Jimin opened his mouth and closed it again, just nodding. Jungkook knew he had things to say but was choosing not to say them. Jungkook knew Jimin a lot better than he thought he did.

"And h-he, Taehyung-hyung said that m-maybe I should still be crying be-because I'm not ready to let go, to, um, to n-not be crying...yet." Jungkook gulped, already feeling like he could cry at that very moment.

Jimin read his thoughts and asked, "Have you missed it?"

"M-missed crying?" Jungkook clarified.

"Yeah. I get it. Knowing him, Tae probably said something along the lines of you not being ready for change, but he meant that it's bad to just completely change your routine without giving your body and mind a chance to acclimate to a new system. Of course you deserve a better way of releasing your emotions, but that doesn't mean you can just change your method at the drop of a hat. It's a very long learning curve and we're just at the beginning."

Jungkook knew Jimin was thinking out loud and felt that it was okay to think out loud because Jungkook understood that. Jimin understood Jungkook a lot more than he thought he did.

Maybe both of them knew each other better than they thought, or maybe they just didn't think about it. What a lucky break that Jungkook had found Jimin - or that Jimin had found him - instead of some other nice person. What other person could possibly understand him so well and so quickly besides Jimin? Jungkook didn't think such a person existed. There was only Jimin for him, only Jimin to figure him out and lead him along.

And Jungkook was perfectly willing to be led. It had been such a hard week, but now, here, feeling like he was safe and at home, Jungkook knew that no matter how hard it got, he was willing to have Jimin lead him on. Because he knew that Jimin would always lead him home.

Jungkook didn't really have a home.

But he had one in Jimin.

"Jungkook-ah?"

Jungkook smiled, loving the way his name rolled off of Jimin's tongue. Jimin always said it like he really had such fondness for Jungkook, like it was more than a name. It reached inside him to warm him up and hold him tight.

"I'm here," he said, reaching for Jimin's hand without thinking. "You're right. You do get it." The relief was palpable in his voice but Jungkook knew, Jungkook knew that Jimin would understand why.

"You really understand me, hyung."

Jimin laughed. It was such a pleasant sound, that laugh. "I do? Well, maybe there's different levels of understanding, because I can assure you that there's a lot to you that I have yet to figure out. But if you mean your mannerisms, the way you put extra meaning into your words or the faces you make to convey emotions when you don't have the words, then yes, I guess I do understand you." Jimin tiled his head to the side, playing with Jungkook's fingers in a way that was just so incredibly soothing.

"You understand me at that level too, don't you?"

Jungkook scrunched up his face for a second. "If you mean I know what your expressions mean and I know your intentions and I can guess your feelings by the sound of your voice then, yes, I guess I do." Jungkook suddenly felt very self-conscious after having this serious and extremely self-aware conversation.

He watched Jimin watch him struggle with his next words, feeling the safest kind of small under that gentle gaze. "Do, um, do you know what I'm thinking now?"

"Of course I do," Jimin laughed again, head thrown back for a moment and eyes twinkling like tiny but incredibly bright stars. He stood up and looked down at Jungkook with a barely repressed smile. "You want to cry." Folding his arms, Jimin leaned down to meet Jungkook's eyes. "And you want a hug."

Jungkook couldn't help the small note of pure happiness that left his mouth at the same time a few tears did. "Yeah," he whispered, filled with affectionate awe.

"Come on, then," Jimin opened his arms. "Cry all you want. Hold on as long as you want."

"Hyung," Jungkook whispered again, frozen in his seat.

Jimin reached out to caress one of Jungkook's cheeks. "Yes?" He whispered back, soft as velvet on the skin.

"You...you're like a star. My star." Jungkook felt himself blushing but couldn't find it in himself to care, not when Jimin was looking at him like that.

"A star," Jimin repeated wonderingly. His hand was still on Jungkook's cheek. "I'm a star?" He laughed once more. "Jungkook-ah."

"Yes?"

"I'm a star?"

"Yes."

"Then you're the moon. Sometimes you go away from me, but you always come back. And when you're full, you're the brightest thing in the night sky. I sit next to you and think you're amazing, because you are, Jungkook-ah, you are."

Jungkook felt more tears spilling out, but the emotions making his chest swell were anything but anxiety. They were unfamiliar and strange, but he was certain they were good ones. "I'm the moon. I'm amazing?"

"You are." Jimin pulled him up and through to the living room.

He sat on the couch, still frozen, still full to the brim with wonderful feelings.

"Mr. Moon, how are you feeling?" Jimin was beside him now, one arm already pulling Jungkook down to rest on his chest.

"Like I have the brightest star next to me," Jungkook mumbled, latching onto Jimin's middle, breath catching as he exhaled. "Hyung."

"It's okay, baby. Just cry. You'll feel better afterwards. I've got you."

"You've got me," Jungkook murmured into Jimin's chest. The tears were spilling out steadily now, heart beating rapidly as he let it all go.

He was Jimin's moon and Jimin was his star.

Jungkook had never felt this way before.

He could get used to feeling this way all the time.

Because he couldn't be lost when he had a star to guide him home.