Better Than Tears (sweeter than sleep)

Stay there a little longer

Jungkook saw his phone light up when Jimin texted to let him know he'd arrived.

He dragged himself out of bed, feeling his way along the wall as he went downstairs, not so much for the support as for the reassurance that he was awake and functioning. The wall was solid and not going anywhere and he followed it all the way to the door. As soon as he opened it, Jimin pushed inside and grabbed onto his arms.

Jungkook waited for the hug, but it didn't come. Instead, Jimin looked into his eyes and frowned, sighing that concerned sigh that had Jungkook feeling grateful and guilty every time.

"Let's go up to your room, yeah? Show me."

Numbly, Jungkook turned around, leading Jimin up the stairs with the older still attached to his arm. He felt vaguely disappointed in the distance between them, but Jimin must have his reasons. He was the strong one, after all. He was the decision-maker. He was the rock and Jungkook was the one carried away by the storm, so he didn't say anything and just let Jimin into his room.

All his disappointment vanished in an instant as Jimin hugged immediately after he shut the door. Jungkook sagged in relief, his exhaustion and stress seeping out of his body like Jimin was sucking it out, bleeding him dry. He didn't cry, having used up all his tears on his pillow. His arms wrapped around Jimin's body and held on tightly, not daring to let go and lose himself.

This was it. This was what he lived for. Jimin's warmth, Jimin's strength, Jimin's heartbeat in his ears. Jimin's words of reassurance, Jimin's scent, Jimin's everything. It could have been anyone, but for Jungkook, it was Jimin, and this was his everything.

"Jungkook-ah, let's sit down. I want to talk."

"I don't want to. Talk." Jungkook mumbled it into Jimin's shoulder.

"I think you need to, though. We both knew this wasn't going to be easy. But you want to get better, and I want you to get better. Talking is part of that." Jimin's voice was gentle but firm and Jungkook caved to it.

He pulled away reluctantly and sat down on the bed, rubbing at his wrists. Jimin sat down next to him, pulling up his legs so he sat cross-legged on the rumpled sheets. "Okay. Tell me how your day went."

"It was awful. I don't want to talk about it."

"I want you to, though." Jimin gazed pointedly at Jungkook.

Jungkook didn't look at Jimin, leaning back against the wall and drawing his knees up to his chest. "Why? Why can't you just comfort me?"

"Because," Jimin said ever so gently, "I'm not here to be bandages on your wounds, I'm here to clean them out, stitch them up and help you heal. I'm not your temporary fix, Jungkook-ah. I'll be your lifeline and I'll be your walking stick, but I won't let you ignore the problems. You have to deal with him and process them if you're ever going to get anywhere."

"That sounds hard," Jungkook whispered, tugging at his hair a little. "Life is already so hard, hyung, it's so hard, every day it is, just breathing normally and being around people. It's hard to breathe in the classrooms and it's hard to not freak out because someone glanced at me once."

"I know," Jimin said soothingly, one hand reaching out to take Jungkook's wrist. "I know it is, but I know you can do this. You've been strong enough to continue thus far, so I know you can keep getting better. And I'll be here every step of the way. I won't give up on you, so don't you give up on you either, got it?"

"I want to, sometimes. A lot of the time. All the time. I want to give up on me."

"What does that mean?"