The Bucket List

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Was that the last thing?" Amy asked as she crawled out on the roof with a water bottle in her hand.

"I think so yeah." I nodded as I looked around. The food was in the middle with pillows and blankets around it. We even had the duvets out. Amy had to beg mum. But in the end she allowed us to have dinner on the roof.

"So, have you heard anything from Austin while he's gone?" Amy almost whispered.

"No. Not really. Only a few Facebook messages from time to time, wanting to know how I am. But it has been a while now." I gave her a small smile while I reached out to get some more chicken. She knew how touchy I was on the subject and therefore rarely asked me about him.

"Well that just shows he still thinks about you. Plus he did promise he would come and see you when he get's back." Amy said trying to convince me he would come back. I didn't have the heart to tell her, but I didn't know what I would do if he comes back. I mean it has been 6 months, it's a long time. And there must be a good reason why we didn't do a long distant relationship. Right?

We soon finished our food and carried the stuff down, and got our desserts. As soon as our mum saw us she almost ran over to Amy to see if she was cold and asked me to get a few more blankets while she would help Amy up with the dessert.

"Here you go." I gave my sister the blanket as I got up on the roof and sat down beside her. "Don't think about mum. She's just afraid you'll catch a cold. Which you won't be able to do with all that clothes on." I said giving her a timid smile.

"I know. It's just, if I didn't have AML then she wouldn't even give it a second though that I wanted to spend an evening on our garages roof." She said looking down at her hands. "I know I have to be more careful and that my body can't handle what it used to. But I hate how people treat me differently and how I can't just do what I want but always have to think about my illness."

I didn't know what to say to her. I never did in these kind of situations. "I have no idea how you feel and I can't put myself in your place, I can only try. But I understand you. I can't imagine how your life is now, how big of a change it must have been for you, or how hard. But you're a fighter. You're going to get through this and get better. And then, you get to tell mum no when she fusses over you, because your body can handle it."

"But what if I don't make it? Everyone keeps telling me I'm going to get better, and I'm going to make it. But I'm not getting better. I'm getting better and then worse. What if people are wrong? What if I don't make it? What if this is it?" She asked me not looking my way but just looking up at the stars.

"Don't talk like that Amy you're going to make it." I said trying to stop her trail of thoughts.

"Would you stop saying that?" She almost yelled at me "Every time I as much as hint about death, people start saying I'm going to get over this, and have a long and happy life. And God I hope they're right, but I need to follow this trail of thoughts as well. I need to be prepared for the worst as well." She said in a harsh voice. I could see her eyes starting to shine with tears she was trying to hold back.

"I don't know what to say to you. I don't think anyone does. I think that's why people change the subject. They can't stand the thought of you not being here. I can't stand that thought. I can't even imagine it. But I understand you as well. You can talk with me about everything, just don't expect me to have an answer." I got out trying not to sound as vulnerable as I felt like.

Amy was quiet for a while before she started talking. "Do you believe in something after life? I wish I did I really do. But I just can't get myself to believe it. I'm too much into science and evidence to believe in a God. But what will happen to me when I die? If it's because of this stupid thing or if it's because I'm old. Either way that's what frightens me the most, I don't want to just not exist anymore. Plus I really, really don't want to leave. I want to live my life. Get an education, get my first real boyfriend and move in with him. Get dumped and get another one until I find the one I want to get married to. I want to be there for you and be your first maid of honour, meet my nephews and nieces. I want to experience all that but I'm afraid that I won't make it." My sister said tears now running down her cheeks.