I Beg You | CAPTAINSWAN AU

Chapter 41 | Soulmates

|I cried a lot while writing this omfg my pillow was so wet then whoa|

"Killian, what's going on?"

"I'll just go grab a washcloth."

"Hey, wait-"

But he was already in the bedroom's bathroom.

She didn't understand.

One second they were having the best time of their lives, and the other he had a tear rolling down his cheek.

She got up, still feeling very wet between her legs and walked to the bathroom where he was soaking a small towel with water.

"What happened?"

"It's okay, love. Don't worry about it now. Please." The way his voice broke at his last word made her shiver.
This had already happened once.

He stopped the water and washed himself, then turned around to wash her, the cold water against her skin all of a sudden making her step back a bit.

"Killian, you're scaring me. You're not okay..."

"I'm fine."

He made her slightly kneel so he could clean between her thighs too.

"You were quiet today... Killian... Please talk to me."

"I can't- Emma I can't"

And when she looked down, it wasn't a tear anymore. His eyes were watered and his cheeks turning red for forcing back his tears.

Before she could grab him, he walked back to the bed and lay down on it, pulling the covers on top of him like he was ready to go sleep.

She sat next to his body and bent down  to face him, bringing her hands to cup his cheeks.

"Talk to me, please."

He looked at her, trying to memorize every single detail, every single freckle, her dried lips, the glasses that many times hid the beautiful color of her eyes. The way she looked at him. Worryingly, carefully, lovingly.

She'd never be looking at him that way after he told her the truth.

"I'm leaving to Ireland, Emma. I have to."

There was a big silence while she took the information in.

"I thought you had already decided? I don't understand." And though she only had watered eyes, she was already snuffing.

"It's not that..." He breathed, his eyes narrowing on her almost without blinking. He didn't want to miss any of his last seconds with her. "Liam was diagnosed with lungs cancer. The stubborn arse says he doesn't want to spend what might be his last years trying painful treatments that might lead to nothing. He says- he says he's not going to do anything."

Tears fell from her eyes, her mouth slightly open because she was probably having problems breathing.

"It's a difficult cancer. He's my brother- I... I have to be with him. He's- he's going to die-" he was breathless.

"Killian," her voice was barely a whisper as she pulled him in her arms, their bare skins against each other. "Killian," she repeated again and again, brushing her fingers in his hair and kissing his forehead as he started silently crying. "I'm so sorry." Her voice broke and she started sobbing.

"I don't wanna lose you." He whispered.

"You don't have to." She sniffed. "I'll go with you to Ireland. We can be together."

He started laughing and crying at the same time and shaking his head so many times.

"Emma... You can't. You finally found a family who cares about you. You have a future awaiting for you here, a brilliant one. I'll only bring you brokenness and grieving in your life-"

"No." Call her selfish, stubborn or naive. Doesn't matter. She wasn't going to let him go of her life that easily. "I'll wait for you then."

He bit his lip, because she was the one, he bloody knew it, and she was right here with him and it was so frustrating that he had to let go of her. Not also would it leave him heartbroken but it would break her.

"I don't know how much time I'll be there... It could be one year, a lifetime..."

"So it's just like that? I'm losing you?"

"Maybe it was just meant to be." He said and she shot him a look in the eye. "We were together for a reason, love. We fixed each other... One day, you'll meet a guy who'll realize how lucky he is-"

"No."

"-and he'll love you and care for you more than I ever could-"

"No."

"-and you'll be so happy, Emma. You'll live your happily ever after, just like every fairytale you've read."

"No, I don't want that. I want you." She sobbed.

"I want you too, love. But with time everything will change. We'll move on."

"I don't know if I can do that."

"I know you can." It was his time to comfort her, so he made her lay down next to him on his bed on their sides, facing each other. "I know you can." He repeated after kissing the tip of her nose.

"When are you leaving?"

"Liam's taking care of the flight. He understands those things more than I do." He tried to laugh but only a dry chuckle came out. "But I'm going soon... My school files will be transferred to there. I can't wait until the end of the year... He could die this month, Emma."

She felt like a monster for wanting Liam dead soon so he could come back to her.

He kissed her then, their lips wet and salty with tears.

And she just wished to fall asleep on his arms and tomorrow waking up to realize that none of this had been real.
She wished she could just laugh tomorrow in the morning and love him even more because now she knew what it felt like to lose him with so much to still to be done.

"I love you" I beg you to stay, that's what she silently told him.
"I love you too" I beg you to come.

Maybe soulmates are just two people who are too stubborn to let go of each other.