The "IT" Life

Chpt 21: This Is My Life [PART 1]

I couldn't sleep, i kept tossing and turning in my bed, thinking about the last words that i heard escape Chloe's mouth.

"We're done with you...", "You're out of the crew..."

I started crying uncontrollably and everyone was watching; some with terrified looks on their faces and some whispering to their friends and giggling, i felt like my world was over until i felt someone rest a gentle hand on my shoulder. I got up off my knees and turned around to see that it was my brother Johnny, standing behind me and smiling; i started crying even more.

"Don't cry Ash, it's okay." He said to me with a chuckle. I looked at him, straight into his eyes.

"Nothing's been okay since you...left us." I replied softly.

"I know...but i also know that you were trying your best to make it okay."

"How do you know?"

"Cuz' i've been here all along, watching over you guys and i've seen everything. Now i'm here to tell you that getting yourself into somewhere you don't belong wasn't what i meant when i always told you to fight for what you want sis."

"I don't understand Johnny, what...what did you mean?"

"Didn't you want your best friend back?" He asked, glancing across at Annabelle who was standing in a corner with her brother, watching the scenario go down with everyone else.

"Annie?", "Of course i did...and still do too."

"Exactly, getting her back means getting your old life back...your real life, not the prissy fake one with those guys." He pointed at Chloe and the others' direction. "It's like that i meant."

He was right. I never fully understood the things he told me as a big brother when he was...still alive but it was all clear now. I was taking his words and turning them into what i wanted to hear because of my own wants. I always wanted to be an "IT" girl because i admired them...but i was already my own "IT" girl, living my own "IT" life.

"Thanks Johnny, i get it now."

"You always did, you just never paid attention.", "Now go, start your life."

"You mean start it over." I laughed and he laughed along with me, saying that silly phrase of his- "Cool beans Ashes." Then he scruffled my hair and kissed me on the forehead, the way he used to when i needed his comforting. From the corner of my eye i saw Sassy come up beside me and Johnny turned to her.

"Sass, keep up the singing duck-face, you'll go far."

"Thanks toad-head." She said blushing and stepping forward to hug him.

"Love you guys."

"Love you too." Sass and i said simultaniously.

"See you guys soon. Kiss mom for me."

"Will do." Was my last reply before he turned around and disappeared into thin air.

Not a second after i blinked, everyone disappeared and i was standing in the middle of the room alone. I heard a soft whisper of my name and before i could answer, i woke up. I sat up on my bed looking at my mom who had come into my room and sat right beside me.

"Are you okay hunnie?", "I heard you talking in your sleep again and i came in and saw you crying."

I wiped my cheek, i was really crying in my sleep. "I'm fine mom." I said, then kissed her on the cheek.