Hold Me

Chapter 18 - What The Heck Did You Do?

Angelica and Eliza told Hamilton he was to stay on their couch for the night. It didn't take long for him to pass out. They had been in touch with their sister to make sure Laurens wasn't doing too bad. Apparently, Lafayette and Hercules had been doing their job of keeping him happy. Peggy had told her sisters that Laurens had shown more concern for Hamilton than anything else. They intended to keep an eye on him.

"Angelica, look at this," Eliza picked up the note book that Alexander had been writing in. "He wrote some letters."

"He's always writing letters," Angelica walked in from the other room. She knew that all Hamilton did was write. She knew that when it hadn't been school work he was doing, he would be writing secret love note to Laurens. Of course, Hamilton never gave any of these notes to him. 

"Not like these. The first one is to Laurens," Eliza flipped through a dozen pages of apologizes and I love you's. Hamilton really was broken up. "This one," she paused for a moment thinking she had read the name wrong, "he wrote to his mother."

--

Laurens was continuing to go through phases. One minute he'd be alright, the next he would be upset, and the next wouldn't care about anything then he would have another drink and it would start over. The beneficial part had been that he was no longer sobbing. 

"Peggy," Laurens tipped his mostly empty bottle at her. He was more than half in the bag at this point. "Where's he at?"

"If I tell you then you'll go. You're better off staying here," Peggy used her bottle to tip his back towards him.

"She is right you know," Lafayette's accent was getting thicker with every drink. In a few more hours it would be impossible to understand him. "Alexander is fine. Do not worry."

Laurens leaned on the Frenchman who immediately began to pet him, "what if he isn't? Peggy, I miss him," Laurens didn't move, he just looked at her, a small pout formed on his lips.

"What would do if he was here?" She remembered that was the question her and her sisters would ask each other whenever they would go through a breakup. Most times it did something to help.

"I'd look him right in the eyes and I'd hold his little face with my hands and I'd say it just quiet enough for him to hear. I'd say," he took another drink from his bottle, "Alexander, what the heck did you do?"

--

Hamilton woke up the next morning feeling sick. It wasn't from the alcohol, it was from what he did. He noticed a bag of his things at the end of the couch, one of the sisters must have gotten it. He was relieved, he didn't think he would be able to face Laurens just yet. Hamilton wanted to cry again, he felt so terrible. He did his very best to keep himself composed. 

Hamilton kept thinking to himself over and over, what did you do, how could you do this. The pain he felt seemed to burn a hole in his chest. Hamilton was still in love with Laurens. He wanted nothing more than to hold him and whisper sweet things. That wasn't going to happen. He would probably burn before Laurens looked at him the same. Hamilton thought he would burn before he saw Laurens again. 

It was a silly thought since Laurens was only down some stairs but that felt so far away. It felt like a trip he could never complete. 

Angelica and Eliza probably just felt bad for him. That was the only reason they let Hamilton stay, it had to be. Maybe Jefferson had been right all along. What if no one really cared? After all, how could they understand the position he was in. If he hadn't done it then Jefferson would have spread his secrets. It felt bad enough knowing that Jefferson could control him like this. Hamilton felt useless.

--

Both Peggy and Angelica woke up to the same text message from Maria. It read, "The break-up didn't matter, it was just to get them upset. Jefferson's going to do it anyway. What should we do?"

The girls pulled themselves, along with Lafayette and Hercules, together and had another secret meeting in Maria's dorm. 

"Okay, but how do you know all this," Hercules questioned after Maria had filled them in on Jefferson's scheme. 

"Well," she avoided eye contact with anyone, "that Aaron Burr's quite a talker after about four shots."

"You did shots with Burr?" Lafayette sounded disgusted. He didn't like Burr almost as much as he didn't like Jefferson. 

"No, I just poured them," she brushed off the question fairly easily. "But for real, we need to figure out what to do because if Hamilton finds out before we can stop it, who knows what might happen."

"Part of his plan is Hamilton finding out first," Eliza looked up. "He wrote about it last night. He knows how he is when he's angry, Jefferson just wants to piss him off. If Hamilton ends up doing something stupid for seemingly no reason..."

"Jefferson wins," Angelica finished. 

"What are we supposed to do," Maria sounded as defeated as they all felt.

"Perhaps," Lafayette spoke up, "there is a way to keep our Alexander here, stupid decision or not."

"What do you mean," Peggy looked over at him.

"I, how you say, know a guy."

"Who," Angelica was almost as confused as everyone else.

"Me. I am the guy."

"So, what are you going to do," Angelica pried.

"Open my trust fund."