Hold Me

Chapter 20 - How Do You Say Hold Me? (Sunrise)

Laurens watched as Jefferson left to go after his friends while holding his nose. He may have broken it. That wouldn't be good for anyone. He waited until Jefferson had disappeared around the corner before running to check on Hamilton.

"Alexander," Laurens rolled him over. He was careful not to hurt Hamilton any more than he already was. There was a small cut where Jefferson had hit him, it was already pretty swollen. It was bleeding but not too badly. Laurens could see what would soon become a bruise on the opposite side of his face, it was probably from him smashing it against the wall. "Alexander, please," Laurens was begging with tears in his eyes. He knew the man was still breathing but he needed to be awake.

"Laurens..." Hamilton stirred. He didn't open his eyes, his head was still spinning. He wanted to see Laurens. Hamilton was just thankful it had been Laurens who showed up, anyone else might have also gotten themselves hurt. Laurens knew better than to get overly involved. 

"Oh, thank god," Laurens pulled Hamilton close. "You're okay, you're okay," Laurens was saying it more to himself than he was to Hamilton. Laurens was not about to lose his best friend again. He was okay. They were okay. Laurens just had to figure out what to do about Hamilton's head.

--

Hamilton sat next to Laurens on the bed. He had a bandage on his head and was trying help Laurens with all the pages of writing. They had been doing this for hours. Hamilton wasn't sure of the exact time but he knew it wasn't morning anymore. It was probably late afternoon, he didn't want to check the time.

"Laurens," Hamilton looked at the man next to him, Laurens did look up. "John..." Laurens looked at him. Hamilton hadn't said anything but he could already feel the lump in his throat. "I'm gonna burn." Laurens didn't understand what he meant, Hamilton expected as much. "I'm gonna burn up and you'll never know..."

"Alexander," Laurens was hushed by Hamilton raising his hand. Hamilton had a lot to say and Laurens would have to wait. Hamilton was determined to make sure this was the last time he would have to wait.

"I feel like I'm on fire without you. I am so fragile and I like to pretend I'm not, I don't know why I do it. It's kind of stupid. Jefferson had everything I hadn't told you, there were things there I don't tell myself. I got so swept up in trying to preserve what little I had. Laurens, I didn't care what happened to me. I just cared about all of this," he gestured to the piles of pages. "I care because it's you. It's how I see you. It's all just you."

"Laurens, I know that someday I'll be alone or you'll be alone. I know that someday there won't be anything left of us. I don't want to think about it but I have to. I don't care that there won't be anything about me. It doesn't bother me and I know it wouldn't bother you. My dear Laurens, my dear, dear Laurens, I need you. I was forced to let you go so I could get you back. I know that doesn't make a lot of sense but you have to understand. Please Laurens," Hamilton took his hand, "I am burning." 

"Hamilton," Laurens understood exactly what Hamilton meant. "You don't need to burn." Hamilton began to cry. "I'm here, I will be here. You're not going to be alone. You're not going to burn," Laurens pulled Hamilton into a tight hug. He loved Hamilton so much and Hamilton loved him. They needed each other. Both of them thought it was okay.

Hamilton kissed him. "I'm so sorry, Laurens. lo siento mucho. I've been fighting for everything and now...Ahora que te encontré..."

Laurens kissed him again, "it's alright. Just make me one promise." Hamilton's eyes met Laurens'. "Promise me you'll stay past the sunrise."

Hamilton nodded, "as long as you promise to stay too." Laurens gave Hamilton's hand a little squeeze as he also began to cry.

"Abrázame al amanecer," Hamilton kissed Laurens on the cheek. "Bésame al amanecer."

Laurens smiled, "respira."

Hamilton's face lit up, "respira, that's right."

Laurens leaned closer to Alexander. "Ámame."

"Prométeme."

"Al amanecer."

"Al amanecer."