Caroline is silent.
Gareth longs for better years.
Pemele? She smiles.
Davidson is laughing.
For now, they are unimpressed.
SCORES:
Kylar Knight
Score: 12.2
Your grasp on metaphorical language in this was strong, however it bordered repetitive by the end. Things were described in very similar ways throughout. Also, the task here was to turn, but you focused mainly on Blythe. Although romance is not discouraged, it is if it detracts from the task give. That being said, Kythe is already cute.
Blythe Sullivan
Score: 12.5 - [1] = 11.5
This entry was rather brief. That, along with the heavy amount of dialogue toward the end, is what can be fixed in the future. It had one of the strongest openers of the batch, by the way.
Calvin Popovich
Score: 12.8 - [1] = 11.8
This was a really fun read. You have such a realistic style of storytelling and it really worked with Calvin's character. However, we still wanted more- it remained flat from beginning to end. Not boring, but constant in its emotions. In the future, take us on highs and lows and really let Calvin make us feel. However, if e're being specific, your contrast of the world being quiet/alive was really beautiful, and the transitions were good throughout.
Eden Adriett Paloma
Score: 9.4
You did state this entry was short, but that didn't prevent from how lacking it felt. The emotion wasn't as strong as it could be, and most of the description (although pretty) didn't give a sense of who Eden is as a person. You went away from the classic bite, which was a good thing, but the turn itself was rather fast. Since free reign isn't your thing, these Games may be good practice, because several of the tasks will leave room for whatever you desire.
Jessie "Jess" Harold
Score: 0
No entry. No notes.
Rachel Winters
Score: 11.1
The plot of this entry is what made it fun to read because you had more action than most. However, there was too much dialogue compared to description, and most paragraphs held two or less lines. It made it feel empty and choppy, which resulted in very static characters. Overall, it felt very thin, like there's fantastic foundation, but you need work to build on top of that to stand out.
August Sterling
Score: 10
It's a common note we've given this task, but this entry was heavy on the dialogue. So much that we were left with no idea who August really is and, because of that, the emotions really fell flat. Try to add more around the speech to thicken the narrative and bring more of it to life.
