uber

f i v e

»josh»

when we finished at the trampoline park and it was 4 p.m. after that we ate dinner, and finished at about 6 p.m., i got to learn so much about melanie, about her family, her friend, her taste in music, her weird obsession with chocolate and swedish fish, the gap between her teeth... there was probably so much more, and i wanted to find all of it out.

we went for a walk around the city and i bought a mini california license plate that had my name on it. tyler and i almost screamed when we heard heathens on the radio inside a store, melanie told me it was on in the über drive. i guess i didn't hear. i noticed i was next to my car rental, melanie right next to me, i turned to face her.

"thank you for this." she softly said with her angelic voice.

"anytime." i breathed out and stared down at her eyes. i heard a few clicks and fast-paced footsteps ascending away. i smiled and rolled my eyes. i felt melanie slightly shake as i cupped her face with my hand. "would it be weird if i kissed you, or too soon?" i awkwardly asked, mentally slapping myself for how stupid i sounded.

"honey you kissed me three seconds after you met me yesterday." she quietly retorted and smiled. i laughed and i leaned my head closer to hers and she wrapped her arms around my neck. putting my hand on her waist, she closed her eyes and tilted her head.

"josh? i think i left my credit card with- well crap, um..." i heard tyler, i pursed my lips and kept my eyes on melanie, she unhooked her arms from my neck and backed up.

"just text me later. it's okay, josh." she faked a smile and walked to her car. i heard her door slam shut and tires screech, speeding off. i put my hands in my pockets and tyler sighed.

"i'm so sorry buddy. oh my god, i'm a screwup, i know." he gave me a hug and i protested against his negative thoughts.

"hey, it's okay i'll kiss her one day. you're not a screwup." i smiled.

"stop faking your smile it makes me sad." he whined.

"okay, okay. let's head to the hotel." i said and entered my car, sighing, then turning the engine on. i pressed FM to welcome the music, just to block the negative voices in my head. does melanie use music to block the same thoughts?

»melanie»

i got in my car, i shut the door and sighed. i turned the engine on and pressed FM to welcome the music, just to block the negative voices in my head. does josh use music to block those thoughts?

once i reached my house, i heard 'the run and go' blasting from alaya's room. i walked in heading to her room.

"could you turn that down?" i shouted over the music as i stood in her doorway. she walked over to the speaker and lowered the volume. she glanced at me and smiled, it soon faded when she saw my eyes.

"you okay? what happened?" she walked up to me and eyed me up and down.

"i'm okay. just tired." i grinned and spun on my heel, heading towards my room.

"alright, we can watch a movie tonight if you want!" she exclaimed. i gave her the a-okay sign with my hands and opened the door to my room. i shut the door and slid down it, putting my knees to my chest, the voices soon invaded my brain.

josh never even wanted to kiss you anyways!

don't believe the voices, melanie.

yes, listen to me. now, go hurt yourself because you'll never find love.

no!

do it.

it's not going to help.

you're ugly! who'd ever want a stubborn and ugly girlfriend. trying to act all special, poor you, you believe you're special, yeah right! you're pathetic, now go hurt yourself.

"no, stop!" i accidentally said out loud. i heard alaya coming towards my room, she knocked and i noticed the tears on my face. i ran into my bathroom and locked the door before she could come in.

"melanie?" i heard my bedroom door creek open.

"yeah, hi. i'm fine. my mom just called me, she's being her curious self again." i lied.

"o-okay. you know you can talk to me, mel!" she said and i heard my bedroom door shut.

great! now she's gone you can hurt yourself. come on, you have your fake, long nails. scratch yourself, would you please?

why would i? because josh didn't kiss me?

no, because you shouldn't believe you could have a boyfriend. this is your punishment for believing you could even think about having a boyfriend. stop being stubborn and hurt yourself already. i'm sick and tired of you not listening.

but you're me.

i'll do this myself if i have to melanie adele martinez.

i pulled my left jacket sleeve up and dug my fingernails into my skin, dragging lines into my faded-scar covered skin. i hate how i'm so sensitive. i grit my teeth and groaned quietly, seeing the blood seeping onto my nails.

good, you can stop now.

there were lines up to my forearm and i got a napkin wiping the blood away. i walked out of the bathroom and locked my bedroom door. i heard my phone buzz and looked at it.

alien daddy👽💖: you're not okay, please talk to me mellie

i ignored it.

alien daddy👽💖: don't read the message and leave, please dollface

dollface😍💘: i'm okay :)

alien daddy👽💖: give me your address i'm coming over.

dollface😍💘: no josh i'm okay

alien daddy👽💖: i'm asking alaya on twitter

dollface😍💘: okay 😒 melanie and alaya's apartment

dollface😍💘: room 6b on the second floor

alien daddy👽💖: omw ✨

i locked my phone and changed into comfortable clothes, making sure i had a long sleeve shirt on. i dried my arm again and almost cried looking at it. i hate the voices in my head...

love you too.

it never shuts the hell up.

»»»

:( i hate the voices in my head too.

josh is coming over 🤑

don't self harm guys you're v v special! don't listen to the negative, and follow the positive. 💖

bRO i just noticed how much i love the song holding on to you. lmao just had to let that out.

stay alive |-/