Falling like a snow storm....

Chapter 38-I'm sorry!

Ok so these past 2 days have been the worst 2 days of my life other than obvious things like deaths. Not only these I have had exams all week. Ok well some of you will already know one thing I am about to say, sorry Georgie for mentioning it on here.

Yesterday I got a message off one of my best friends brother and his friend, and also was threatened. Threatened my death wish actually. Me and Lois both were for something we haven't done. Well I then had a maths exam in the morning and well I can safely say now I failed it. My frame of mind was in a totally different place. Not maths at all. More like fear, fear of going to cadets. Well not being at cadets, but I am too scared to get a lift home with Georgie on Monday just in the likely case her brother is there. Lois said I could get a lift with her but I would feel awful on Georgie ad her mum! I don't know what to do really!?

Not only that today I got home all was fine up until I couldn't find a shoe and tried getting past my dad only he wouldn't let me past so I tried to force myself past him. Resulting in me getting squashed against a wall. I then try to break free, manage to. Then lie on my bed and my dad comes in shouting at me saying he wants my phone and basically snatches it off me. I then kick off. Throwing things&everything. I am sure I have must have some issue.

In the end I wanted to go for a drink but he wouldn't let me. I got past him with a lot of effort and ended up going out without my phone for a walk to calm down. When I had been on my walk, which I was brave enough to do just about. I came home and tidied up the mess I had made upstairs and went down to ask my mum where my dad was as he said I could have my phone back once I tidied up. He was at football at the time.

When my dad came home, I was sat downstairs but couldn't even bare to ask him. I had been crying at everything since I had the argument and if I asked I might cause another one. I cried at others crying on tv and then all the tv program's ended and my eyes watered. I ran upstairs and got onto my bed....

Lois I am sorry about this part! I didn't mean to.. I never normally break a promise but I couldn't stop myself this time.

I sat there on my bed and see something silver shining under my blanket. Scissors. I grabbed them my first though was 'the promise' I cried and cried and couldn't resist it. Slid the scissors down the top of my leg. Cutting it. Blood poured out. Luckily I had tissue from where I had been wiping my eyes but it killed me. Now I sit here writing this. Whilst holding a piece of paper on it as ran out off tissue. I AM SO SORRY LOIS! I WOULD NEVER NORMALLY BREAK A PROMISE PLEASE FORGIVE ME!:(

I feel so bad on everyone. My mum says I am an attention seeker. I also got told I was a whore and a dog by someone. And yeah let's not go any further.

I said it yesterday and its how I feel again today. Maybe I would be better 6ft under. I did think about jumping in front of a car or something when I went for my walk but I couldn't dare do that to my friends and family who mean the world to me!:( love my friends so much they are always there when I need them!<3