Change Ahead

Chapter - 8

I closed my eyes trying to enjoy the happening and then suddenly it all went black.
Next I open my eyes, to find myself lying down in a room, Varun was sitting near me holding my hands and rubbing it gently with one or two fingers.
I gazed at him and smiled thinking what had happened earlier.
He had kissed me. I had that irresistible desire to kiss him always. It happened and I could not enjoy it fully. It was incomplete. I could feel the incompleteness.. Unsatisfied.. I wanted more.

He turned back to look at me. I looked blank, pale and ill.
"Don't worry. You are ok. I think.............................. you fainted."
He laughed a little and asked me, "did u really faint? I thought u r a brave girl and u fainted for just one kiss?" He laughed out loud. I stared at him. He then closed his mouth trying to control his laughter.
It was one kiss for him. But it was "the kiss" for me. I felt like something for which I had waited my whole life had happened. May be it is fair enough to faint for a life time achievement.
He asked me, "Do you feel better now? Can we go home?"
I nodded and he gave me his hand to palm me up.
He walked me home. He had realized that I was actually weak and not strong.

After having lunch, I said, "Ok. Now you can go."

"What? You want me to go? After what had happened you want me to go?"

"Yes. You should. I think you should leave now." I tried to push him off.

"Gaze.." he called me in a lazy and pampering way.

"Now.. don't call me that." I turned back angrily.

"Ok. Gazella... look... look at me." He slowly slipped his hands onto my hips and tried to turn me back to face him.

"Look at me." I do not have the strength to face him. I was going to burst out. I had lived alone for about 3 years now. I did not have anyone to care about me. He lifted my chin up and made me look at him.

"I know you love me."

I denied, "No. that is not true."

"Ok. You like me. Ok? Ok now?"

"Just because something happened for a few seconds, it doesn't mean anything and doesn't give you any leverage over me." I pushed him off and continued, "Now.. go.."

"Ok. I'll leave. Just tell me that it was true. Whatever, it is that I saw it in your eyes today morning; that you try to communicate to me with your eyes. Please tell me it is true." He pleaded.

I nodded no.

"Ok. You will come around. It is not a long time before that." He walked out. I closed the door behind him and locked it. I had slipped. May be this is what my father was trying to make me realize?

Later that evening, I was running a high temperature. I laid there without eating anything. I was trying to sleep. I convinced myself that the fever was going to go if I slept. I dozed off a little while.

"One more... Open your mouth." I heard a low voice. Someone was feeding me. I could recognize it was Varun. I was lying on his lap with my head up on his chest. After my mom, it was him who had fed me in years. I tried to open my eyes, but I could feel them burning. The fever had not reduced.

"Don't strain. Just close your eyes and open your mouth. Finish this off and you can go back to sleep." He said patiently.

I ate it and went back to bed. He came to me and asked, "Do you want to lock the door and sleep. Shall I leave? Do want something else?"

I did not want him to leave. I held his hand and compelled him sit on my bed. He touched my forehead caringly and patted me to sleep. I felt good. I was losing myself to him, but I liked it. He should have slowly slept on me. We slept the whole night holding hands. I felt the warmth of my mom in his arms. I felt comfortable.

Next morning, I woke up to see him sleeping and I got out of the bed. I called him, "Varun.. " tapped on his back and called again, "Varun... It is already morning. Wake up now. We have to go to the shop."

He sat up and asked me, "Are you feeling better?"

I said, "Yes. I'm good now."

He smiled at me. He took my hands and made me sit on his lap. He put his hand around my waist and asked me, "Did you sleep well last night?" I nodded.

"I had to sleep here. You wouldn't let me go." he gestured a no with his lips.

"I know." I held his hands and smiled at him. He got a little excited.

He jumped up and asked, "So is it a yes?"

I said "NO....." with a smile.

He asked me, "Ok. Does a no mean yes in your language?" He kept his chin between two fingers and held his chin with his thumb and continued, "Because, you say a big no and u kiss me, you make me sleep on you and now.. You are sitting on my lap with my hand around your waist."

I stood up immediately.

"Hey.. Wait!! I did not ask you to leave. I was just clarifying."

I faced my back to him and giggled at myself. He came near me and kissed me on my cheek and hugged me hard. I blushed.

"Do you realize that you love me?"

"No... I don't love you."

"Ok. You like me. Let me show you that." He took me to a mirror, "Look at you now. See how happy and blushed you are. Can you feel the rush of your blood in your body when we get closer; the urge to fell something that cannot be felt otherwise? I haven't thought twice about how personal it was to touch another's soul, until fire and interest sparked in your warm gaze."

Suddenly his touch was like an electric shock, forcing my heart to pound. I felt the truth in his words, perhaps because our souls had touched each other long back.

I looked up to see my father standing near the door.

"Father..." I said shockingly.

We both turned back and there he was. He found me at last. I thought he was never going to come to find me after all these years.