Change Ahead

Chapter-10

While I had my knife about to cut deep into my veins, Varun tried to come close to me to get the knife. Everybody was so silent and anxious. They were so nervous about what I was going to do next if they do not move out.

My father said, "Don't do anything more stupid. You have already done so many stupid things."

My mom got anxious and looked angrily at him.

Varun said, "Keep quiet uncle. Let her calm down first. Then she will go home with us. You don't talk anything. I will talk her out."

He agreed. My father went and stood outside.

Varun, "Gaze... Give me the knife to me now. He will not disturb you. I promise. He will leave. I will talk to him."

I gave him the knife and knelt down to the floor and cried. I felt terrible. Something exactly I did not want to happen had happened. How can my father take away even the last thing I have for myself? Varun and my mom came to me and consoled me. I felt awful, dreaded.

Varun went out to talk to my father. They talked and talked for hours together. I could hear them shouting at each other. Inside, it was pin drop silence. There was tension everywhere.

After a while, I heard them agreeing on something.

My father said, "Ok come on Sarah. Let us go. Let her stay here and rot."

I shouted, "Get lost. Don't ever come back."

My mom cried a lot before she left. I convinced her that now that they know where I live, I will visit her at times. She left heavy heartedly.

"Varun. You also... Please" I said to Varun pointing my hand towards the door.

"Let me stay. You are in a bad shape now. I will stay back and help you."

"No. I can manage. I need some lone time now. So please!" I prayed him to leave and shut the door behind him.

I looked at the house turned into garbage. That is how my life is now.

'What have I done? How did I get the courage to take a knife in my hand? This is not me. Definitely, this is not me. I was soft natured. May be a little bold and brave to do things. But this...!! I can never do this. At least, I thought I can never do such a thing. I had always considered this an idiocy. I felt foolish. I should have looked like the biggest idiot.

What would have been my mom's thought about me when she saw me do such an act? She would certainly be torn down because of my sin by now.

I was having such a wonderful and happy life. But my father's entry made it garbage. I had been a quiet neighbor. Now everybody knows about me in my worst mannerism.

In life, fear is the worst enemy, while risk is your best friend. That is what I had done to save myself. I calmed down. I relaxed.

Varun dropped by after a while asking to let him in. I did not want him to take advantage of me over this situation.

"No... I cannot let you in. I will call you once I get back normal."

"Let me help you for that. Now please let me in."

"No. I do not need any help. I am ok. I feel better. So please go."

"Gaze... it is only me. You can be yourself with me. Just let me in."

After a long argument, I opened the latch and let me in. I was so ashamed to face him. My eyes avoided to meet his eyes.

"Gaze... I'm not going to judge u with this. Don't worry. Nothing is going to change between us. I am still crazy for you like I was yesterday."

I did not make a move. I was fully down with humiliation, dishonor. The whole world appeared so silent suddenly.

After a while, Varun sat very close to me, held my hand and said, "Gaze... I understand you. It is completely natural to be angry and go crazy for a min or two. It is ok." I felt relieved but still I felt bad for what had happened.

"You can cry if you want to. Get it out of your chest. Speak something."

I was in guilt. I was still processing if I should go with fear or risk...

After dinner, I said, "I am ok now."

"Feeling better?" he asked.

"Yeah. Better. I want to sleep for a while."

"Ok. I will let you sleep now. Good night. See you at the shop tomorrow?" He enquired childishly smiling.

"Yes. You will." I smiled back.

Next day, as usual, I went to the shop to find that I had been kicked out of the shop, now that everyone knows that I'm a run away. Run Away..!!