pastel [3]

twelve

Taehyung's point of view

"Did you seriously call me a problem?" I scowled at my brother sitting in front of me as we sat on the bed that filled my mind with dreaded memories. Seokjin had insisted on me staying the night when it had started raining and he didn't have the heart to let me walk in it. So I sat on the only available bed, room now emptied of Yoongi's things to be dark and gloomy. A dreadful reninder of what had occurred inside this space. Now sitting here with Daehyun in front of me was like standing on the edge of a cliff, crashing waves taunting beneath me in hopes that I would fall back into that guilt that threatened to drown me.

"Well you are," I gritted out at Daehyun's complaints.

"Now that's just cold..."

"Deserved." I hummed with a sly smirk, falling back into the pillows. "You know I hate you." Daehyun nodded, not fazed by the fact.

"You have every right to. So I have nothing to say." I let my eyes slide shut, then felt a figure snuggle up to me. "But I'll still love you."

"Daehyun. What happened to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why are you so messed up?" This earned a laugh from the dead boy as he kissed my cheek, leaving a tingling sensation in its place.

"Consequences of not having my own mind," he spoke against the skin on my neck, the supernatural touch numbing that ache I was slowly getting used to. "Hard to be sane when there's no part of you that is grounded. Probably doesn't help when the body I'm stuck in wasn't exactly stable either." I gave a nod for a simple reply without acknowledging the dig at my own insanity. Instead I curled up into the covers and shut my eyes, attempting to fall away from the tensity of the day. One last kiss was placed on my nape as his words soothed me into a slumber of peace. "Goodnight. Don't worry, I'll be here."

__

"Taehyung!" My eyes snapped open in an instant at the loud shriek of alarm from my brother. I jolted up from the bed and located Daehyun, pinned to the wall by Hoseok who had his wrist pressed to my brother's throat.

"Who the hell are you?!" He snarled, pressing on the dead boy's chest and spitting in his face. "What the fuck are you doing in this house?! Why were you with Ta-"

"Hoseok, stop!" I snapped sternly, pulling his attention away from my brother to face me. "Leave him alone, I asked him to be here." After a grunt of annoyance, Hoseok let Daehyun go, not without a shove against his chest that had Daehyun wheezing out a breath. Granted Hoseok couldn't hurt him, since there was not really any more dead he could get except for a painful return to hell maybe.

"What is he doing sleeping with you? When did he get here?" I glanced at Daehyun, giving him a brief glower at the fact that he hadn't disappeared when Hosoek had tried to enter the room. He wasn't supposed to be seen by people, it also meant I now had to explain who he was.

"He was laying with me because I couldn't sleep." I explained slowly, fiddling with the corner of the blanket still warm from sleep. Hoseok quirked an eyebrow and I immediately knew why. "He's my brother!" I added quickly, cheeks reddening at the alternative implications.

"Since when did you have a..." he trailed off with a frustrated sigh, "I am too tired for this, Seokjin told me to come wake you, breakfast is ready and he wants you to eat." Hoseok ignored Daehyun's presence, swivelling around and exiting with a slam of the door.

"Well he hates me..."

"Oh don't you start! You shouldn't even be here so go away." After those words he was gone. I dressed quickly into the same clothes I had worn yesterday, staring at myself in the mirror for a moment to rewrap the bandages neatly. Once I felt comfortable enough to let other people see me I began to make my way down the stairs.

__

"Taehyung, please eat something." I stared down at the set of meals in front of me, simply shaking my head. "Why not?" I could tell Seokjin was irritated, he had already finished his. Everyone else was close to having empty plates. But mine was still full. Eating made me feel sick, despite the availability of food now. I felt selfish not eating but it was hard to eat when it felt like my insides were liquid.

"I'm just... Not hungry." Though my stomach seemed to say otherwise as it growled at the most inconvenient moment.

"Your body says different." Hoseok mumbled through a mouthful.

"I can't keep doing this, you're driving me insane. I'm going to see Jungkook today since you interrupted my plans yesterday." Seokjin turned his head to the two sitting at the table. "Yoongi. Make sure he eats." Yoongi simply nodded, going back to enjoying his own food. I was losing any energy to stay afloat as I watched Seokjin get ready to leave, knowing he was going to see the person I craved so badly. The person who would hate me if I showed my face...

Once he was gone I pushed myself away from the table, eyeing the two as they glanced at each other. I didn't like the dark gaze Yoongi held on me.

"I ah... I'm going to go upstairs." I whispered, wanting to escape the no longer comfortable environment.

"Nah." Yoongi simply stated, standing up and approaching me. I unconsciously stepped backward, my lower back hitting the table. "You gotta eat."

"Yoongi..." He grabbed my wrist harshly, locking me in place. The contact and pressure caused me to gasp, eyes blurring under the nails unknowingly digging directly into my scars.

"What's your preference?" He asked, ignoring the grimace now spread on my face as his grip was tight on my arm, sending waves of continuous pain through my body.

"Can you... Stop." I whispered, trying to claw his hand away, but he thought I was just trying to escape, tightening his grip further. The tightness drew a scream from my lungs as I pulled back harshly.

"Let go of me!" I screamed directly in his face, finally managing to yank my hand free from his grip. He stepped back, surprised by my outburst. I muttered a curse under my breath, rubbing my wrist and walking away, leaving the two in confusion.

"Taehyung?" I ignored Hoseok as he called my name with concern, running up the stairs and slamming the door to the room shut. The moment I was alone I fell to the floor, head hitting the carpet and finally spilling the gurgled sobs that had been drawn in with each reminder that this place was somewhere I was no longer welcome.

I felt lost in that fear that this was my life now, a life of continuous punishment for actions that my body was to be held accountable for; for not fighting to keep the love I had no matter the consequences. Jungkook wouldn't be suffering if it weren't for me... these people wouldn't hate me if it weren't for my fucked up life and all it brought.

Now alone, left to drift into the currents of my wrongs and my fears, drowning in my tears that soaked into the dark carpet.

_________________________

Bad Yoongi