pastel [3]

thirteen

Seokjin's point of view

I didn't understand what was wrong with Taehyung. First he disappears for ten years without any sign of returning, assumed dead by everyone. Then one day turning bacl up expecting the world to fall perfectly into place for him. It was maddening that he refused to tell anyone where he went, clearly he was hiding key information about his disappearance. Yoongi tried to remind me of some weird shit about his mother being a god, which was a whole other layer of outrageous complexity. I was trying to be open-minded about it all, but I found it hard.

I knew Taehyung didn't have a family except for his mother who seemed like a bit of a prick. A part of me wished I could give him one, open up our circle to him so that he felt safe. Except last time I had done that it resulted in Jungkook's assault. Trying to ignore the psychotic behaviours was going to be a challenge that I knew I would struggle with.

---

The youngest of our little family's home was in chaos, the bins were overflowing and the weeds needed to be pulled. His black porshe in the driveway was dusty and brown. There was so little care done to the house, since Jimin was now working they had to split the maintenance chores. When Jungkook got stuck in his head, those maintenance features were the first indicators.

I knocked lightly on the front door and stepped back in wait. Whilst I did I looked down at my phone to see if I had any messages, finding one from Namjoon.

Don't tell Jungkook about Taehyung.

I sighed, sending a quick reply.

Why not? He needs to process this now before it builds.

It was my concern that if everyone held this from him things would escalate when he finally found out. Whilst Jungkook was an incredible person with an immense compassion for those around him, he was also incredibly short-tempered and fixed on his perspectives. I couldn't see how hiding it would be helpful. But Namjoon's reply brought my thoughts to waver.

This needs to be carefully planned and gradual. If we tell him straight out it will create chaos. We need to sit down and work out what is going to be the best option for him. Please, I know it's important, but we need to do it right.

As the message came through I heard the click of a door as it swung open, revealing a very sleepy looking Jimin. His eyes brightened instantly when he saw me.

"Seokjinnie! You're back!" I gratefully accepted his hug as he threw his arms around me, smiling into the way he squeezed tightly and grinned against my hair. "I missed you!"

"I missed you too." I murmured, still distracted by the contents of the message. I know it's important but we need to do it right...

"Why are you here so early?" I flicked my fringe out of my eyes, tucking the loose strand behind my ear.

"I just wanted to check on Jungkook, I heard he was having a rough time the other day." Jimin nodded, walking inside and gesturing for me to follow. We walked into the lounge, I instantly smiled seeing the two curled up on the couch. A little boy wrapped tightly in Jungkook's arms as they slept peacefully. His nephew spent more time here with his uncle than he did with his mother. Areum had been dealing with extra stresses at work, so she had graciously accepted the two's help in taking care of him. Jungkook with kids was something that filled me with a deep joy, his hold on the boy so gentle, his lips pressed to his hair as they curled up together.

"He's doing better." Jimin mentioned whilst I stared, "things are slow, but he's talking more and eating again. Doctor said his hearts okay, just a little strained." I nodded, watching him as he snored. He was so peaceful that it felt strange. Before I had begun travelling he was still in the height of his grief, and that had been such an intense thing to witness. Part of me begun travelling to get away from it all, unable to bear the brunt of his suffering anymore. It felt selfish.

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Eight years ago

"Just... take a deep breath, okay?" I attempted to hold onto the boy's arms as he trembled with each gasped breath of air. It was like he was fighting against his most basic instincts, screaming into nothingness. "In slowly," I began to instruct.

"I can't!" He screamed through strained vocal chords, breathing in fast and shallow breaths that had his whole body scrambling to hold onto whatever oxygen it could get. "It hurts!" He screamed louder, beginning to battle the grip I had on his arms. Even weakened by his malnutrition he was strong enough to push me off, tumbling back to the floor to watch him cave in.

"Jungkook!" Namjoon called from the other side of me, reaching out to take a hold with a stronger but still gentle embrace. The call of his name had him shaking his head violently, hyperventilating into each gasped syllable,

"Pain! Chest!" The scream felt like pressure caving into my ears, eyes squeezing shut and body shuddering.

"Kook you need to tell me where," Namjoon spoke calmly despite his own clear panic on his face. "Where in your chest?" It was hard to get Jungkook to fully focus, head still tilted in non-verbal refusal.

"Heart," he managed to stammer out, eyelids drooping and arms dropping suddenly. Within the few seconds it took him to fall Namjoon and I managed to scramble and catch him with one arm each, bringing his head back up to press a finger to his pulse point.

"Joon call an ambulance," I whispered out in terror, his heart jumping erratically with an unhealthy inconsistency. "Now!"

"Shit okay, what's happening?!" Namjoon shrieked as he began to dial the emergency number and punch in their area code. Whilst he did I pulled Jungkook back on the bed, lifting his chin up to open his airways. His breaths were just as sporadic as his heartbeat, but thankfully still there.

"His hearts all over the place, I think he's fainted."

---

"It's been five days Jungkook, and you haven't slept once." I whispered softly in his ear, hating the sobs that were filling my own. "Please, just once. Even if it's only a few hours." The raven simply shook his head, pushing against my chest.

"No no no!"

"Kook if you keep hyperventilating you're going to pass out again." With fingers combing through his hair I pulled his cheek to rest against my chest, slowing down my own breathing to hopefully ease his own. "You're okay, you'll be okay," I chanted with each deep inhale, sighing out in relief when I heard his own breaths ease up.

"I feel so stupid," Jungkook choked up against my skin, my eyes fluttering shut and shaking my head in silent denial of those words, but I let him speak. "Two years and I... I have a stupid fucking heart that literally broke."

"Kook its called Broken Heart Syndrome, but it's to do with stress, not just love." He barked a laugh of sarcastic amusement at my attempt to explain.

"Are they not the same thing?"

"No they are not." I dropped down to my knees so I could rest my forehead to his, circling his ears with my thumbs. "You will make progress, and things will get better. But you have to let yourself feel. If you don't this will never go away."

"All I do is feel," he cried, that tremor in his exhales rising again. "I feel everything and I just want it all to stop!"

"Well I'm sorry Kook, but it isn't going to. Welcome to love. It sucks ass and it will break you. But it is also beautiful when it is kind. You shouldn't shut love out, just like you shouldn't shut your anger out. Love comes the same way everything else does, and I hope that one day you can find a love that is honest and whole."

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