pastel [3]

twenty two

Taehyung's point of view

It was nauseating, feeling invisible to the very person that had brought me away from the cliff of death. Now I had to watch him sit with a girl on his lap, head resting upon her shoulder whilst they spoke with eachother quietly. In the time I had spent speaking and planning with Daehyun, Areum had picked up Tae and when I'd come back into the room the two partners were already inseparable, a gentle and consistent physical affection between the two that seemed to come so easy to the man who was smiling into every word he spoke.

It wasn't just watching him with someone else that made me sick, I realised it was also the fact that I had never felt that from him. That natural state of ease and love that was a baseline for a healthy relationship. We had it once and I killed myself because of it.

He was such a flirt, that unwavering confidence he had shown since the first day we'd met still very much present: pinching her cheek and whispering words that couldn't be heard but the intention could be felt. It was effortless and she was so in love with him that it was going to kill me all over again.

You don't belong here, said the nagging voice in my mind, a conscience that screamed for my survival; thankfully a little less pig-headed than that last voice that used to take up residence.

"I don't even understand how you're putting up with them." The realisation that someone was beside me made me jump, looking over to see Hoseok had settled into the couch and was sharing my expression of immense discomfort - though his was more to do with the uncomfortable show of PDA and less the jealousy.

"I'm not." I muttered through gritted teeth. "I just need to wait for Daehyun, then I'm leaving." Hoseok whined in annoyance.

"Aww, you're leaving? Why?" All I had to do was look over at the two, silently gagging when I watched Jungkook's joy from the sidelines. A tiny part of me found solace in the fact that this girl, Sooyoung, made him so happy. That part was drowned out by the incessant screams for me to be in her place. When I turned back to Hoseok and glared pointedly, he gave a flustered nod of understanding. Then he cupped his hands and yelled out across the room. "Hey! You two." They both looked up at the sudden rush of realisation that the lounge connected to the dining hall and they were in plain sight. That expression was further deepened when Jungkook locked eyes with mine. "Get a room please." Added Hoseok with a darker tone than I'd heard from him before. The immediate response was the two pulling away from eachother, Sooyoung rubbing his arm and whispering something I couldn't hear. Then she got up and left the room, leaving Jungkook's focus to narrow in on me.

Please get me out of here...

I thought with each passing second, feeling like the intensity of his stare would suffocate me. Breaking the gaze I dropped my attention to the floor, exhaling a sigh that felt heavier than the sky.

The sound of footsteps chilled my spine and I froze, unable to look up even when that figure had stopped by my side and rested against the arm of the two seater couch. On my other side I felt Hoseok reach out and entangle his hand with mine, squeezing to pull me from the primal fear keeping me paralysed.

Is he trying to comfort me?

With that soothing touch I looked up to meet Jungkook's gaze, now uncomfortably close that I could see every ripple of scars on his skin. He didn't talk for several minutes. I hated it.

"Can you please move..." I squeaked, my breath getting caught as I spoke.

"Tae," The shortened nickname nearly pulled a whimper from my throat, held back by the rather rough tug of my lip between my teeth to settle the sound back down. "Are you okay?" This boy and his questions... How could I answer truthfully? I'd just watched him flirt with his girlfriend for twenty minutes.

"Why do you ask?" I whispered with a feigned calmness, chewing on my lip like it was a stubborn piece of bubble gum. The faint tingling sensation of blood filled my mouth as I bit down just a bit too hard, sighing under the distraction the pain brought me, only to be pulled back into the centrifuge that ripped apart my conflict with Jungkook's words,

"Because you look like you're about to burst into tears." I felt my lips begin to tremble, as the topic seemed to be making me, like he said. Cry.

"I'm... Fine." I attempted to say, though it came out doubtful and teary, choking back the words as I spoke them.

"Tae." I blinked under the strain, his voice like sharpened ice dripping down my back with tantalisingly dangerous movements. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise you had come back in here." He reached forward attempting to grab my hand but I pulled it away, instead bringing it up to wipe at my already leaking eyes.

Please... Stop.

"Get the hell away from my brother." The deep growl of the words jolted Jungkook from his attempts to press closer, stumbling back up to come face-to-face with Daehyun who was standing behind him with a hot breath that could definitely be felt from how close they were. The craze in his eyes stilled Jungkook in his place, locked on that violent haze that had his whole body beginning to tremble.

The sight of Daehyun so close to Jungkook with the clear display of lunacy broke the unsteady stream of my emotions into more heavy tears, turning away from the two and pressing my face into Hoseok's shirt. It felt shameful to let Jungkook see me cry over this, feeling like a complete wreck for coming back into the man's life only to fall apart on him every hour.

It felt like my body was being plunged in the icy waters that had tried to capture my soul again. My head was pounding and I felt my whole body going numb. I tried to ignore it, listening silently to the two speaking.

"I wasn't doing anything to him." Jungkook replied with a defensive snarl, not even looking over at me as he tensed his shoulders and pressed forward until Daehyun had to step back from the proximity to not collide.

"Don't even try to play innocent with me. You know exactly what you're doing." I watched from under Hoseoks arm. It was frightening to see one of the most dangerous men I knew next to one of the most fragile. Whilst Jungkook had always had his own daunting power around him, it was a controlled power, one that was used with intention and logic. Daehyun was a power that stemmed from chaos, and his consequences for violence were far more insignificant. If Jungkook tried to push him, I feared what the end result would be.

"Daehyun." I called in quiet warning, the said man turning to face me with an instantly softer expression. "Please stop." It was merely a hope that he would listen, considering that promise of helping me get closer to the very person he was threatening. Despite the sigh he released sounding severely disappointed he nodded and stepped back. Though he didn’t miss getting to shove Jungkook's shoulder as he stepped past and dropped down to settle in front of me. He wiped at my eyes and offered a reassuring smile.

"Come on, let's go home." I nodded, turning and mouthing a thank you to Hoseok who nodded with a final squeeze of my hand before releasing.

Just as Daehyun was helping me to my feet I watched Sooyoung return from the hallway, eyes dartig toward where her boyfriend was now standing in a still silence. He didn't even notice her presence because he was so focused on me. With each sniffle from my nose I felt a sick sort of satisfaction at the guilt that twisted his features.

Surprise rushed through me when Sooyoung reached up to kiss his cheek in greeting, only for him to pull away and hold up a hand for her to stop. I guess I could say it filled me with maybe just the tiniest bit of hope.

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