pastel [3]

six

Taehyung's point of view

I was lonely again. Not by choice this time. I wanted to be with someone. Wanted to have someone to talk to, someone that would listen and not mock my past. But that someone wasn't coming back anytime soon.

With no sleep and a restless mind, how could I think about anything else? Sending Daehyun away was a mistake, I felt more alone than ever wandering aimlessly through the places that used to be so familiar and welcoming, now a cold reminder of how much time had past. All of that time for Jungkook to forget about me, to give up on me, to get over me.

I didn't want him to mourn, it would be selfish to expect Jungkook to grieve me for ten years. But the thought of him moving on and forgetting about me tore me apart. It created that dangerous crashing of waves inside my mind. So I went to the place where the water was still to reflect.

I sat at the rivers edge, looking over the water. The place all too familiar for me. I was wearing a pale blue jumper, that seemed to slip off my shoulders as it was greatly oversized. A pair of white ripped jeans to accompany it. I didn't know why, but pastel seemed to be the only kind of clothing I could find. A new outfit appearing in my closet each day. Each being some type of pastel. I wore it without complaint, for I was just happy I got to change my clothes each day.

The riverside was empty, and I sat with my feet in the water to feel the gentle current against my skin, soothing the cuff injuries on my ankles. This was the same spot I remembered getting shampoo for the first time in years, still remembering the sweet fruit smell of the product.

'Call me Kook.'

"I miss you Kook," I whispered into the river, tracing fingers through my hair in longing reflection of a simpler time. A time when I was in pure denial that I would give up everything for this boy who wanted to unravel every part of me. Sure, it was the curse that made him follow me, it was the curse that made him love me. A part of me had this wish that I could get him to love me without the curse, a test of his true feelings.

There wasn't much to do except watch the water flow, picking at blades of grass to solidify the connection to an earth I had deeply missed. A cold feeling trickled down my spine as I slipped in and out of a trance, shuddering under the feeling of tiny sparks under my skin. I was being watched... When I looked around I couldn't see anyone watching me. I shook my head, shaking it off as me being paranoid.

"Jungkook!"

Oh fuck.

As the name rang distantly through the air, I turned to see who had shouted from the restaurant above. I couldn't see any sign of the owner of that dreaded name, staring blankly at the place for multiple seconds in a desperate scan for a sign that he was here. For a moment I saw the faintest glint of purple, the colour a reflection of familiar raven coloured hair. Before I could fully process it I was being dragged away by a firm grip on my arm. Then I was pressed to a wall just out of sight of the restaurant.

"He saw you." I blinked, turning my attention to the person who had roughly dragged me away from the potential of making amends. When I saw who it was I sighed a relief, my twin brother staring at me with unwavering eyes.

"Daehyun! A little warning would be nice." He wasn't listening though. Instead he was staring up at the restaurant above us.

"Hopefully he just shrugs it off." Daehyun tried to pull me away, but I stayed still.

"What are you talking about?" His face scrunched up in annoyance, before sighing in irritation.

"Jungkook. He saw you from the restaurant but I don't think it's safe for him to see you yet."

"What do you mean?" Daehyun lowered himself to the ground, patting the place in front of him for me to do the same. I did, waiting and watching curiously.

"When we... well, died. Jungkook kind of broke."

Wasn't he already broken?

"No. He wasn't, though he was extremely damaged. My fault, I'm sorry."

"No you're not, you took pleasure in abusing him," I spat back angrily, already feeling that rising tension that I tried to reign in. "You fucked up his life and I took the blame. He hates me because of you!" Daehyun shrugged, his expression unchanged by my frustration towards his actions.

"I know that, but you can't change the past. Venus told me to keep you safe and that includes protecting you from Jungkook's reactions. When we died he completely broke down, the curse tore him apart and watching you die was too much. He fell into psychosis, couldn't tell what was real anymore, he kept seeing you even if you weren't there. He completely crashed for several years, lost his house, couldn't work, didn't eat, ended up in hospital."

Because of me?

My chest tightened under each listing of the way he had suffered, thinking about what Jimin had said to me.

You may have been punished, but so was he.

It had never been considered how someone would react if I disappeared whilst the curse was still active. We still had five months left on the curse when I'd died, which meant that Jungkook had five months of an uncontrollable longing to love someone who no longer existed.

"Apparently you meant a lot more to him than I originally thought. Once the curse wore off he was beside himself, stayed that way for over two years. He's slowly gotten over it, only recently full letting go. If he saw you, it would send him into chaos."

"And why would you care?" I asked bitterly, picking a blade of grass and running it through my fingers.

"Quite frankly I don't. The idiot needed to back off. It's you I care about. I don't think you'd be able to handle seeing him like that so I want to keep you away from him." The way he spoke with that familiar controlling tone brought a tensity to my shoulders, eyes washing over him in a haze of frustration.

"You said you'd leave me alone." I spoke in warning.

"It's my job to protect you now. I can't let you see him like that." I ripped the small and delicate nature piece, giving the undead angel a glare.

"That's not your call to make, Dae. Leave me alone. I don't want you to protect me. I can handle myself." My voice rose with each word of spoken aggression, not even thinking about the comfort it brought me to have another person by my side.

"Can you?" Daehyun challenged with a condescending rhetoric, my eyes narrowing and fists balling.

"Yes you prick!" I shouted it so loud, a few students stopped to question us.

"Are you alright?" The girl asked, she looked extremely concerned, I turned towards where Daehyun had been sitting, but he was gone.

"I... I- I'm fine." The girl rose an eyebrow, but then continued on her way.

Great, I still look like a mental person.