pastel [3]

twenty three

Jungkook's point of view

This wasn't the way I wanted things to go. Hell I'd never even considered this would ever happen. The way Sooyoung stared at me with an unclear concern felt shameful, because she of all people knew my complex emotions towards the man we'd all thought was dead. So sure, me having feelings for him was fine baxk then because they couldn't go anywhere. Now it was a looming threat to our relationship, one I felt ashamed to admit was still clear.

With Taehyung gone I pulled Sooyoung in closer, pressing my forehead to hers and settling my arms softly against her nape, pulling us both toward the dining hall to settle into a chair.

"Speak to me, what's going on in your head?" Murmured Sooyoung gently, tracing my cheek with a careful touch. The uncertainty of her touch brought guilt. To make up for that I pulled her in and pressed a gentle kiss to her pretty lips, tugging a smile from that deep etched worry.

"That I'm going to fuck this up," I replied in honesty, settling her on my lap so that I could lean back against the chair and keep my focus on her. "This is so messed up Soo, I... What do I do now?" She hummed in quiet acknowledgement of the cry for help, not answering for a long moment of deep thought.

"I'm probably not the best person for you to ask about what you should do. Because selfishly I wish you would cut him off." It was harsh, but she softened it with each gentle placement of care between the words. "He hurt you Kook, badly." Yeah... "It's been a decade and it still affects you. I don't want to see you hurt again. But..." My eyes rose up in surprise at the extension from the personal thoughts.

"You don't have to talk about this. We can just leave it for now and revisit when we're alone."

"Kook I don't think you could wait to be honest." She was right. The idea of leaving this conversation to simmer was dangerous. "Whilst I see all the hurt he has done, I do not know or see the man you loved. So it's not fair for me to say what you should do. I'm your girlfriend Jungkookie, of course I'm going to say stay away."

"I trust your judgement," I murmured in response, head resting against her shoulder to look up more comfortably.

"I know you do, but you don't trust your own."

"I dislike how well you know me." I pouted toward the observation. The dramatised expression brought a smile to her face, giggling at what I knew was definitely a ridiculous sight.

"Well considering you used to pay me to talk about yourself..." she added pointedly.

"Will I ever live that down? That was five years ago!"

"And yet you still pine over the same things!" She teased, leaning in to kiss my cheek with a playful sneer.

"Hey! You two! Get a room please." The shout from Hoseok pulled me from my narrowed in world, head shooting toward the voice to lock eyes with the golden haired boy beside him who looked paler than he had when he was nearly dead. A stiffness rushed through every hair follicle on my body upon realising how long he must've been sitting there for. It was the pain in his eyes that tensed every muscle in my body, Sooyoung feeling the reaction and tilting herself to catch my peripheral.

"I didn't realise he was there." I shook my head.

"You're fine... I didn't either." She rubbed my arm, giving a clothed mouth smile before getting up.

"I'm going to give you some space, I'll be back soon. Do what your judgement says, don't doubt yourself."

Then she was gone, leaving me to be pulled toward the conflict that would forever be ingrained into my bones.

---

"How did it go?" Spoke Sooyoung with a clear apprehension when I pulled away from her touch.

"He... he cried. I feel like an asshole. His brother nearly killed me." I sighed, watching as Taehyung was guided by that weird brother of his, heading out toward the door. "He's worrying me so much. I know I haven't been the nicest to him... but he seems so sick and I'm scared he'll..." With a squeeze to my hand she single-handedly settled every nerve that was firing within.

"Talk to him quickly, now." She suggested, I nodded, seeing Daehyun was distracted.

Whilst his brother was speaking with Namjoon who had just returned home from work I managed to approach Taehyung from behind, pulling on his waist and swivelling him around so that our faces met. Though I realised my mistake at the unprepared movements, hastily covering his mouth when he nearly screamed.

"Hey. It's just me." I whispered, waiting a few seconds before removing my hand. It was either he'd pull away and we wouldn't speak, or he'd let me say something. Hopefully he picked the second option.

His eyes were wide as he wriggled under my grip. I leaned forward, colliding our foreheads so that his gaze never left mine.

"You are worrying me Kim Taehyung."

"I shouldn't be..." He replied softly, trying to lower his gaze, but I held his chin up.

"You look sick again." His skin had gone pale again and he seemed to be breathing more heavily, though that could've been from our contact as I was feeling the exact same way. "What's making you sick?"

"I'm not sick..." He protested with a tug on my grip to try and free himself. There was a moment of self-awareness where I thought, maybe I should pull away. In that brief moment I made the dumb decision to, instead of pulling away, tighten my grip and pull him closer until his nose was pressed to mine and I could see every golden freckle across his cheeks that looked like lens flares against his caramel skin.

"You are. What happened to you when you died? I want to know how I can help."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Taehyung replied dangerously, catching me off guard. I was so shocked to hear him raise his voice at me, that this time I let him go. "Just ten minutes ago, you were showing off with your girlfriend about how happy you two are. Now, your acting as if nothing happened! Make up your damn mind on who you love, and who you hate!" His face was already stained with tears, but new ones started to well up as he spoke. "I get it Jungkook. I hurt you. But you don't need to rub your love life in my face." His face had gone even more pale the more he yelled. His legs shaking as he only just managed to hold himself up.

"Taehyung..." yeah this time I was sure I fucked up, that trembling of his whole body solidifying my guilt around every jab and accusation I had made towards him with a childish stubborness. He staggered back from me with an unbalanced weariness. The moment he nearly fell Daehyun was suddenly by his side, holding him up and pulling him into a protective embrace whilst staring through me with a silent threat.

"Let's go Taehyungie." whispered Daehyun toward his brother whilst opening the door. On the way out he slammed it shut to emphasise his anger. Then Taehyung was gone. It ripped a hole through me as I replayed his tear struck face bleeding with betrayal.

"Jungkook..." I turned, seeing Sooyoung had now approached me. I smiled sadly. Then rubbed my forehead, laughing nervously.

"That didn't go very well."

"Can I ask you something Jungkook?" The serious tone in her voice was a stark change from her previously sweet and understanding tone. That only added to my stiff anxiety, unable to speak as I silently let her pull me toward the couch. Taking a seat by her side, I prepared myself for the array of questions that could be asked, expecting anger or jealousy from her as I recounted the proximity I had used with Taehyung whilst she had been watching.

Idiot...

Of all the questions I expected her to ask, the real one was not one I ever imagined. Spoken with a stern expectation:

"Do you love Taehyung?"

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