pastel [3]

thirty three

Jungkook's point of view

I wasn't intentionally trying to hurt either of them. They were two people who had held so much of my heart, and both still did. It was maddening going from a lack of love to too much of it. Sometimes when it all felt like too much I would think about what it was like to feel nothing. The emptiness of shallow relationships that were based on convenient circumstances or forced closeness. It wasn't to say I never cared for people, but it was a stark difference from what love felt like. Love amplified every small moment or emotion into a blaze of incredible heights. That blaze also sparked pain into an out of control forest fire.

I walked home from work with Taehyung's words echoing around inside my head. Love is messy... I felt like giving up on it all. This was too confusing, too overwhelming. I felt like I was stuck in some stupid love triangle that had always been my least favourite trope, thinking about how stupid it was that the person didn't just choose someone and stick to it.

"Just pick a side or you'll hurt both in the end!" I'd shout to the screen, much to Jimin's dismay. "It's so stupid, they clearly love ... more! Just give it up." Hypocrisy was my colour, thinking about the stupid trope and realising I was stuck in the middle of it. Except instead of drama and tension from both sides, I received warmth and understanding. The compassion the two of them shared and empathy for the feelings this situation brought only made it harder.

Tonight I had to face Sooyoung, she was coming over for dinner and for once I was cooking instead of Jimin. The shopping had all been done a few days ago, so all I had to do was prepare everything. Granted I was not the best cook, as it was something everyone had always done for me.

Hopefully this night would help with the decision that was inevitable. A decision I knew a part of me had already made but was smothered by the fear of the outcome.

---

"Mmm it smells edible!" Called the sweet voice of Sooyoung as she and Jimin both entered the house after a big day at work. I heard the scuffling as they removed their shoes, distractedly mixing the sauce with all of the vegetables that I had been stir frying together. It required very little technique so I was managing okay.

As I mixed through the final steps I felt gentle hands brush across my shoulder blades, transitioning into a kiss against my nape. It sent a chill down my spine that had me pulling away from the hot plate, swivelling to set eyes on Sooyoung who was smiling joyously. "You look very handsome when you're in the kitchen," she teased, fingers looping under the apron I was wearing to tug me closer.

"Don't get used to it," I croaked with an attempt to hide the nerves racing through my body. She was as gentle and kind as ever, hair pulled up into a tight bun with loosened strands hanging across her face after a full day stuck in an office. She wore a soft red jumper tucked into a pair of black linen pants. She was so pretty.

"You stare," she cooed, stepping away to let me continue cooking. "Let me know if I can help with anything, I want to spend as much time as I can with you before we both have to work again." Shaking out of my momentary disconnect I nodded to her words.

"Yes... yeah of course. I'll plate this up and then we can watch a movie or something."

"I would not like to third wheel!" Called Jimin from the lounge room, cracking Sooyoung into a giggle.

"We'll be quiet, Minnie!" Her teasing was something I always adored, a playful air to her compassion that always shone through. She knew the right things to say to lighten a mood without poking at the sharp topics that were still too hard to joke about. "Now you're staring at the wall." Her voice sifted in through my thoughts, and I hastily turned the flames of the stove off before I completely lost my mind. "You okay?"