Part of Me

Chapter 19

"What's wrong Steve?" she asked him at the end of the day, while he was cleaning the dishes after the team had their first dinner with Barnes, extremely awkward no doubt, especially when Bucky and Natasha seemed to be discussing something really serious in Russian with no one except Wanda understands on the dinner table, Steve barely saying a word since they first started, he have been acting a little bit off that day, his actions gives it all off that something's wrong.

He kept silent.

"Steve? What is it tell me," she insisted.

"Nothing, Romanoff, I'm fine," his voice cold, not turning back to even face her, yet he called her by her last name, something he does only on training but not on times like this, something was definitely wrong. That was it, she was done with his 'I'm alright's, she stood up walked to the sink, turned off the faucet and faced him.

"Tell me. What's wrong?" she said, voice demanding. He dropped the dishes gently into the sink and faced her.

"I don't like this Nat." He said straight to the point, that soft tone of the usual Steve was gone.

"What is it?" she took his hand and held it in hers, but he pulled away immediately. She was surprised at his reaction, he have never been this rude before.

"Yesterday you were hugging me and told me how you cared for me, and today you're hugging him and telling him how he's a great man. I don't get this Nat, stop playing games with me. I'm not a game to be played, and you need to know that my heart is only for you, but the moment you did that with him, you hurt me so bad Natasha! Heck you did it when you know I was watching, what did you mean? You want that to be a slap in the face for me? As a reminder that I can't be with you? I never should've trusted you, Romanoff. Guess you can never trust a spy can you?" He said furiously and honestly, she gaped at his honest response. He stormed out of the kitchen immediately leaving no space for her to say any other word. What have you done, she told herself as she tried to walk herself back to her room, she felt her body weak, his words stabbed right through her heart, leaving a big big hole.

Guess you can never trust a spy can you?

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She didn't sleep. She can't. She was up all night in the gym, punching bags here and there, using all the equipments there are to release the anger and sadness she was having. It sure did drained her energy, but she still didn't feel like sleeping, so she went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water and drank it all in one sitting, she tossed the bottle into the trash bin. She noticed something else in the bin, she walked to it and crouched down to take two torn pieces of paper. It was a sketch of her, she remembered that day vividly, they were on the roof, she fell asleep at some point, and that's exactly what the sketch shows, a drawing of her on the roof underneath the stars peacefully sleeping. She didn't know Steve actually kept a drawing of her until now, although now, it was torn in half. Her heart sunk into the floor.

What was she supposed to do? Choose between the two? James or Steve? Steve or James? It's not a choice that can be made in just a day. James was there when nobody showed her affection and love. Steve was there when she needed comfort, he trusted her he did, he cared for her, he looked after her. Now Steve was absolutely mad at her, he felt betrayed, so what was she supposed to do? Tell him she wants him more than James? Tell him she was sorry?

These problems actually made her remember something, Fury's offer of her leaving the Avengers. Should she accept the offer and leave her teammates just to avoid getting her heart broken over and over again? If she leaves now, then no one will get hurt anymore, right? Sharon can have a chance with Steve and he wouldn't have his heart broken by her again. Maybe it is better for her to leave, isn't it?

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Early in the morning she was still punching bags in the gym, fortunately the archer found her and decided to have a talk with her.

"Sheesh Natasha, you look like a zombie," he said.

"Shut it, Clint."

"You didn't sleep?"

"No and I don't need it."

"Alright then if you say so." He gave up questioning her and started working on his stretches, The two work out together in silence, allowing the thoughts in her head to stream right in again. Then, she had the urge to tell Clint of her thoughts, he is her bestfriend after all.

"I'm thinking of leaving the Avengers," she blurted out, causing Clint to stop his stretches and turn his attention to her completely.

"You what?!"

"I want to leave this, the Avengers and get back to working solo in SHIELD, Clint."

"What? Why?! Did any of us did something wrong? Was it because I left you as my partner?"

"No,no, it isn't that, it's kinda complicated."

"Our line of work is complicated, Nat. I can handle it, spill."

She took a seat on the floor and took a drink before she started speaking, "Steve, he confessed to me, he told me he loves me. I didn't know if I did too, but at the same time James showed up. Steve he, he felt that I was playing him," she then told him why Steve felt that way, it hurt her all over again just to retell the story, "it felt as if I needed to choose between the two of them. I can't Clint, I can't just choose one of them, not this fast, not in a situation like this. It's better for me to leave, no one will get hurt that way. Besides, people from other divisions don't like the fact that I'm in this division. Please, understand Clint."

"Can't you just choose? It's really obvious who you'll choose anyway, Natasha. We knew Steve would admit his feelings sooner or later, and I know you, Nat, you've never seen anyone like you see Steve. I'm just saying, but please stay, we need you, the team needs you, Wanda needs her big sister figure, and Steve no matter how mad he is, I'm pretty sure he needs you as much as you need him," he said as he got up and prepared to go out.

"But, if you wanna leave then it's your choice, I'm not gonna force you to do things you don't want."

Should she? Should she leave this behind? Leave Steve? Leave James? Leave everyone and get back to SHIELD. True, the team was like her own family, but what if the situation is like this? This was a really hard decision she knew it, but she also knew she had to make a choice.

Guess you can never trust a spy can you? His words echoed once more in her head.

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