Beats of Dusk (Gangster Series #1)

Beats of Dusk

Naranasan mo nabang mag mahal?

Naniniwala kaba sa love at first met?

At

Higit sa lahat naramdaman mo naba kung paano mahalin?

Akala ko magiging masaya na. Nakilala ko siya dahil niligtas niya ako sa isang trahedya. Naging kami dahil sa pagmamahal na ipinaramdam niya.

At lalo nang nag tagal kami dahil sa tiwala sa isa't-isa

But

What if it turns into the other way around?

Lahat tayo naghahangad ng mala fairytale na buhay. Lahat tayo ay umaasa sa happy ending na istorya ng buhay ngunit tama nga naman kasi ang kasabihan na hindi lahat ng nasa mundong ito ay hindi perpekto at permanente.

My life was simple yet peaceful not until I met him.

Once upon a time, there's girl who fall inlove with someone who help her. Her savior. A man who have been with her despite of her flaws, a man who change her life and light up her world and a man who break her heart when she found out the trust and she discovered that She's in a Relationship with a Gangster.

I place the book back in the shelves when I saw and read the prologue. A bitter smile plastered on my face. Realizing that the prologue suites to my experience. I wanted to laugh out of bitterness because of it.

Gangster huh?

"Mommy..."

I almost jump when a small hands wrapped around my legs. My bitter smiled change and plastered a genuine one. Nag palinga-linga pa'ko before I squatted infront of her.

"Baby, what are you doing here? Who are you with?" I asked.

Labeling myself to her height so we can talk easily. I pinch her cheeks when she blowed it that make her pouted. I stand up straight and held her hand.

"Papo, Mommy!" She said while looking up, answering my question while pointing the entrance of the bookstore where I was.

She's still young to talk straight but it's fine she has still lot of years to learn.

"Saw you...." She added.

I just smiled and nodded. I was about to walk but my head creased when my daughter didn't even move a bit. Instead, She look at me and then pointed the book I was holding awhile ago. Biglang kumalabog ang puso ko sa ginawa niya at halos manlaki ang mga mata ko pero agad ko rin iyong pinalitan ng nag tatakang tingin at ipinukol sa kaniya

Calm down, Am. You look like a rat caught by a cat. She's innocent! She doesn't mean to give it a different meaning!

"What baby?" Tanong ko pa.

Nakaangat ang kaniyang mukhang nakatingin saakin na animo'y nag dadalawang-isip at nalilito.

"Book! Mommy you like..." She said and pointed it out again.

I chuckled and shook my head at her. "No, baby. Let's go to your Papo,"I said. 

Agad naman siyang tumango-tango at ngumiti saakin. Nag simula na kaming mag-lakad ngunit ako naman ang natigilan. I held my daughter's hand tightly, kasabay ang pag tambol ng dibdib ko. Nakita ko rin ang nagtatakang tingin saakin ng anak ko bago sundan ang aking tingin sa kung saan. Umiwas ako ng tingin nang makita ko ang babaeng lumapit sa kaniya.

So, after all this years they are still together huh? The bitterness filled my system as memories keep on flashing back.

"Mommy, friend?" She asked innocently and pointed her cute little forefinger to the man I am looking at. Nasa labas sila ng isang store na bilihan ng mga gamit ng mga baby.

I can feel my hands become cold. Tinignan ko ang aking anak ngunit agad ko rin itong binawi. My heart pounded hearing my daughter's question. Di ko namalayang napansin niya pala ang tinitignan ko.

I just smiled at her and glance at him for a seconds. Isang malaking pagkakamali ang tumingin pa. I saw him smiling while his hands are on the tummy of her girl. I smiled bitterly again and face my daughter. Gusto kong pagalitan ang sarili ko. Sa halos anim na taon na nagpakalayo-layo ako. Alam ko sa sarili ko na naka move on na'ko pero bakit ganito? Para kong nilamon ang lahat ng salitang binitawan ko. Isang bagay na dapat ay hindi ko hinayaang mangyari.

"Let's go, baby!" I said and tried my best not to stutter.

Wth, is really happening to me? I glance at them for the last time before smiling bitterly again and walk to the different direction.

"Ice cream!" My daughter said happily while pointing the ice cream parlor near us. Kahit papano ay naibsan ang kung anong nararamdaman ko kanina nang makita ko ang excitement at ngiti ng anak ko.

I nodded at smiled at her, but my thoughts is wandering about what I saw earlier. He's smiling like he is happy with his life right now? I bet he is, huh? I look at my daughter who is looking happily to her cup of ice cream. I felt a sting in my chest, a creck of a broken piece, not for me but for my daughter. Naupo kami sa vacant table with two sitter chair. I smiled when I saw her eating happily but it faded when she started to ask.

"Mommy, did you saw daddy?" She asked with full of innocence while smiling widely before she took a bit of her ice cream. 

I just smiled at her as an answer. I can feel the guilt in me and pity for my daughter. She continued eating happily so I had the chance to look at her with a sad emotions. I can feel my tears on the side of my eyes. Sinubukan kong kumurap-kurap habang nakatingin sa kaniya, to stop my tears from falling. Naisip ko. Mali ba ang desisyong ginawa ko? Seeing her as if trying to seek for her Dad, yet her Dad doesn't know that she existed. It pained me for a moment thinking of that thought.

'Yes, baby. You saw him already, you saw your daddy, the man you pointed out awhile ago, with her wife and another child.'

Salitang hindi ko naisatinig dahil kailanman hindi ko naisip na magagawa kong mag habol sa taong kusa akong iniwan at ipinagpalit sa iba.

"You saw him already baby.." I whispered. Tama lang para hindi niya marinig.

The one whom make my heart beats during dusk,

Leaving me in sorrow in between the light and dark.

Breaking the beats into pieces as the darkness comes,

Covering the lightness and separating it into ones.

Because he hold my beats during dusk and leaving it in brokeness during dusk.