Positive (Ed Sheeran)

Chapter 20

"Please, Charlie, you can trust me." Patrick smiles lightly at me.

I shake my head. "It's not that! Of course I trust you, it's just that- I don't want to tell you.."

"But .. you can tell me anything. I won't judge you. I promi- "

"Jesus Christ, it isn't about fucking judging people! My mom died and I don't have my dad anymore! I lost all of my friends and I have no one else! Now how the fuck are you going to judge me?! If you want to, then just go on ahead because I don't give a shit anymore!" I roared as the tears escaped my eyes and slid down my cheeks.

"No, no! Charlie, please," Patrick immediately wrapped his arms around me, but the thing was that he held me really tight. So tight, I couldn't really get comfortable anymore and I was having a hard time breathing.

"P- Patrick!" I try to squirm out of his arms, but he was just squeezing me too hard, that I couldn't get away.

"Sshhh!"

"Pat, let go!"

"No, I'm not letting go until you tell me that you're okay." He shook his head.

"I'm OK!"

"Again."

What????

I can't believe this!

"I'm fine, Patrick!!" I shout, and Patrick slowly let go of me, and after I pulled away, I stared into his eyes, but he didn't look back at me. He sadly stared down at his lap.

"I'm s- I'm sorry." He apologizes, and I just was not expecting that.

"Why are you sorry? You actually helped me, unlike those little shits out there." I mock Ed's words with a light smile.

"No, I mean, I'm sorry about your mom." He picks up his head and looks into my eyes, but it was my turn to look away.

"It's- fine. Not like it was you who did it anyway."

"What is that supposed to mean?" He asks.

"It isn't supposed to mean anything." I shake my head.

Patrick then places his hand on my shoulder. "Did one of the guys kill your mom?"

My eyes widen and I shove his hand away. "What the FUCK??! NO!"

"Are you sure? Because you know you can trust me, Charl- "

"For God's sake, can you just shut the hell up?? They didn't do it! Not that I know of, but still! I don't believe they killed her. I won't believe it! I refuse! Change the subject, please!" I began to cry again, and Patrick quickly wrapped his arm around my waist.

"Shh! Just breathe, everything is going to be okay."

"But .. how?? How do you know that?" I asked, staring into his eyes.

He isn't serious. I told myself. He's just only trying to cheer you up. Everything he says is a lie.

But .. how do I know that??

He stared back into my eyes and lightly moved the hair from my face. "I know that because .. I have had moments where I felt like I was going through .. hell, or something near hell. You know, when things happen that you weren't expecting, or whatever? Yeah, I was going through some really tough situations, and I felt- I'm just going to be totally honest with you right now, I felt lost and abandoned, and that there was never going to be joy in my life ever again. Yeah, life is hard. It isn't easy. Just when you think everything sucks and that you should do something that you totally shouldn't do, there's a light at the end of the cave, and there's always going to be something for you in the end. So, that- that's what I know .."

I froze, thinking about everything I just heard.

I look down at my lap, feeling stupid for not trusting in Patrick. Then I look back up, into his eyes, and I see pain and sadness. Right away, I felt guilty.

I'm such an awful person.

"P- Patrick ... I'm sorry- that was beautiful. It was so beautiful." I say, almost in tears.

He nods. "It's fine, I get it. Oh, and thank you... Hehe " He giggled softly. It made me blush.

"You're cool." I mumbled. He looked into my eyes and I swear I felt my heart madly skip three beats.

"You're kind of cute." I blush madly.

WHAT???

"So, are you really Ed's girlfriend?" He asks and I nod. "Oh .. well, how's that going? Has he been good to you?"

"Yeah, it's just- oh I don't know-"

"It's the 'Alice' thing, isn't it?" Patrick jumps in and I was completely shocked.

"Well .. I- I honestly don't kn- know anymore. I- "

"Oh, wow! That was rude of me, wasn't it? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to throw Alice at you like that. I'm really sorry."

I roll my eyes. "It's fine."

It would be really nice if he could stop interrupting me!!

"Now, what were you saying?"

I sigh. "I was saying that, I'm not really sure anymore. I mean, yeah, it is her, but I don't have anything against her. You know what I mean? It's not like I hate her because of this. I seriously don't. It's just, I don't really believe that Ed 'loves' me, or even likes me. What I mean by me, is that, you know, myself. My personality. Not my face or my voice, because I remind him of some ex-girlfriend of his that he couldn't get over or 'let go' of. It hurts me because I love him, and I get extremely happy when he holds me, or when he says he'll be there, or even when he 'cares'. But then when he accidentally calls me Alice?? It hurts me so much, and that's when I realize that whatever he has for me, isn't truly for me."

Patrick stares at me and it made me feel weird because I just told him something really big, and he just sat there.

Maybe it was a bad idea to tell him ??

"Charlie- holy smokes! Why is that so true! No, I'm sorry, I totally agree with you. Oh my g- are you okay??!" He practically shouts, but it doesn't startle me.

I slowly nod. "I guess so ..."

He again wraps his arms around me and this time I do the same to him.

"Charlie, I want you to know, that I'm here now, too. Okay, you can tell me anything, literally. Please, even if I'm busy, I'll never push you away or not want to talk to you. I don't want to sound like a creep, but I think you're really pretty. Not really just pretty, but .. you know, you can always talk to me, and you don't need to push me away, either. I want to get to know you. Okay?" He lightly kisses my head and I have never felt so good about myself before.

"Thank you, Patrick." I smile.

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GUYS!! OMG HI I'M BACK

SORRY IT'S BEEN A WHILE IK IM TERRIBLY SORRY

ALSO SORRY IF THIS CHAPTER IS TRASHY IM JUST REALLY GLAD THAT I UPDATED

I PROMISE THE NEXT CHAPTER IS GONNA BE BETTER :)))

OH ASDWONB VCSGSDH JJHKL IM ALSO SORRY ABOUT THOSE OF YOU THAT ARE READING MY OTHER FAN FIC FOUND YOU AT LAST, YEAH I WILL UPDATE THAT SOON XDD

IT HAS BEEN SERIOUSLY BEEN FOREVER SINCE I UPDATED THAT STORY AND IM SORRY

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