Perfection of Darkness: The Fourth Book of Poems

Verse Three: Filled With Sorrow

Life is an endless walk

We must carry on until we tire out

The mountains are far ahead

But I can see storm clouds coming in

My legs get weaker, but I'm pushed forward

I lose sense of direction, I can't stay where I am

There are two mountains for me to chose

But I can't see the peak

I want to stop, to rest and think before I climb

The air is thinner up here, will I finally lose conscious?

But it always just brings another nightmare

~

The days are bright

Carried my dead weight to the top

But my scars don't fade

The memories I made

It's where my body was laid

I must continue, walking a path I cannot escape

No suffering will shine through my eyes

Because everything I feel is trapped inside

There is no hesitation within my voice

Because I locked up my mind

Absently there, smiling from behind

But there's no reason to be happy

~

Filled with troubles on days of relaxation

They do not worry, but I'm not as simple

I'm not alone

They're always there, watching and breathing down my neck

An explanation for everything I do

A reason for what I cannot subdue

Bury the secrets of what I feel

Pour the sand of what I truly think

And try to forget it all

~

Filled with sorrow on days of joy

My heart is aching

My mind is racing but I do not say a word

Throat is closing, eyes are swelling

Can I please be alone for a minute or two?

Knife in hand, walking to the bathroon

Fresh tears stream, feelings worsen as I think of you

Expose the body, puncture the skin with the blade I stole

Let my tears fall onto of my running blood

Silent wails, quiet worries as I begin to wonder

Clean up the mess, wash and hide the blade

The blood is gone, no longer there

But I'm still filled with pain

Joyous cries echo throughout the days

But I cannot see past my own dismay

Hiding what needs attention

Plotting something that can kill

One more day, don't take a pill

Let the dam break

Waters of torment surge through my body

Increasing the pain within

Aching all over, pain, I cannot win

Exhaustion spreading through my limbs

Frustration taking ahold

Who am I to behold?

No more days of joy

Only the echoes of our pasts

Still filled with sorrow, but I learned to let go

Plenty days of joy, but none for them