Perfection of Darkness: The Fourth Book of Poems

Verse Twelve: Inside

Let me die inside this cold lonely bed

Let me suffer and perish in insecurity and false care

Let me die inside your cold lonely heart

Let me scream and die in my own body

Let me die inside this burning agonized house

Let me cry and fall and break through a surface

Just to choke on the new air

How can it be natural for humans to breathe when every time I inhale I ache?

I'm a fountain of youth, supposed to be buzzing with energy

Supposed to be socializing

But I don't move a muscle

I keep rotting in my own sweat and sorrow

And it bothers me but I can't get clean

They say they have a life just because they're not cutting with a knife

Outside everyday, enjoying the suns ray

But inside, I don't let the light in

They do their drugs and their dares

While I chug down what my body cannot bare

Fourteen bottles of anti-depressants

With sixteen medication prescriptions for insomnia

~

Inside I die everyday

Revive my body just to be in pain every way

I know I'm born to die

Being kind is an illusion

No one cares about the people dying unless it's in their society

Because inside your mind you know you don't care

That you're apathetic without sympathy

We can't look in the mirror so we sinply turn it away

Creating an illusion of what we think we are

Of what others think we are

~

I've slaughtered millions just by looking at them

Because inside my eyes they see their reflection

Knowing they're bound to die

No way to hide

And that they're awful inside that makes them fall apart

I've taken these knives

Slit the wrists of children

Let them bleed slowly

I've taken these knives

Slit the throats of adults

Let them try to breathe before their final hour

You know you're the sadist here

That even though I embrace the pain your the one that makes it all possible

Cause deep inside you know you can't help yourself or anyone around you

You know they will die while you try to find another way to relax

So ignorant and simple minded

But the others are so intelligent and complex

And at the end of the day

We all know we're all the same

Because you would shoot someone else before shooting yourself

You'd chop off someone elses limb just to save your own

Wouldn't leave your daughter burning

But you wouldn't try to save anyone else but yourself

We're all cruel and sadistic

Obdurate and inferior to being superior

But we can't understand ourselves

Or fix selfishness

And so the others scream; "Bring my life to an end."

Cause inside you know you'll never truly know who you are

Unless you get up and try

Stare in the eyes of fear

And hear the voice of rejection

Taste defeat

See who you truly are

But you're blind from sitting in the darkness for to long

So far gone that the answer lies in drugs

In the pistol under your bed

With the weed that messes with your head

And because of that, deep inside you know your better off dead