Perfection of Darkness: The Fourth Book of Poems

Verse Twenty Seven: Countless Shadows

How long have I felt this way?

The days go by like a blur

And my reality crumbled

There's two things that keep me sane

But is there a third?

I don't wanna know

I don't wanna awaken the consequences

Agony seeps into my words

Second guessing myself

I don't know the answer or the path

Or what lies ahead

Is pain all I bring or do I create joy and happiness?

I feel as if I destroy nothing bad but everything good

I confuse myself and I'm lost without hope

Without their words, I'd be alive

~

Jealousy nags and nags like a rope around my neck

But it isn't the way I feel, no, it's much tighter than that

They say I feel this, they say I feel that

But that's not how they control me to feel

~

I could spend forever just counting shadows

But I couldn't count their bodies

Not the grimaces on their face

Just the part of them that didn't even exist

The part of me that still feels real

~

Seasons fly by my eyes

And with them the sun dies down

The shadows get longer and longer until I'm alone

And darkness enfolds my soul

My mind feels dead just like my body

I swear there are weights on my arms

But my feelings still wander away

And new ones come to haunt me

~

My eyes can't stay open

I'm tired of being empathetic for provincial people

I'm not pragmatic anymore

Just melodramatic

And that's why my knife goes through our wrists

Why doesn't your shadow bleed?

I counted them all but I still see more

The one I never counted was own

Even if shes dead her shadow is still there

But it seems as dead as me

~

I could spend forever counting shadows

Just thinking of the past

It bars me off

It tears me down

And without a sound I'll choke from the ceiling

So just ignore the blood falling

I've made a new shadow

Maybe now it's beautiful to you