Perfection of Darkness: The Fourth Book of Poems

Verse Thrity Three: Am I Nothing?

Am I nothing?

Or am I something?

You treated her like a princess

And looked at me awkwardly

Do you love me?

Do you hate me?

She was so special to you

All I ever was was a friend of yours

Do you need me?

Do I despise you?

I thought she was everything but you tell me otherwise

I'm just lonely

Would you abandon me?

Would you abandon her?

I feel like nothing to you

I'm convinced I'm breaking in fear

Why would you love me?

Am I not enough?

~

There's no value in what you say

I found no meaning in what he gave me

All for nothing

But pain is for something

Isn't that what you told me?

There's no value in a life with no meaning

Walking away, walking to my grave

I tripped, I fell

You carried me back to the start

But when I trip again

There's no hand for me

And I'll fall in the hole you dug for me

Am I nothing?

Am I worthless?

I find no value in your words

They surround me

Empty meaning

Nothing could ever describe nothing

~

A sorrowful symphony

Playing in my hollow lungs

The wind thst you blow right through me

Crashing down, my walls of bones

It turned to dust during the years I spent with you

Everything that supported me

Was really just nothing

So when I realize I'll come tumbling down

~

Weakened by words

Beaten by looks that can pierce your bones

Help me breathe

My heart won't beat on its own

And that's why everything I feel is artificial

~

It was real pain

But it wasn't ever real love

The pain behind my voice

All for nothing

But it's always for something

I could've been dead

You wouldn't let the chair fall

I could've been out of my skin

You just wouldn't let me cut myself out

But you discarded my anyway

You wouldn't let me pull the trigger

You just pulled it on your own