Rebel || Camila Cabello & G-Eazy

Part 18

Camila woke up to the sound of rain smacking against her window. Glancing at her clock, it read 3:50 AM.

She turned on her lamp and sat up. She wasn't sure if she wanted to wake Lauren, but at the same time she didn't want to sleep alone. To pass some time, she decided to open her drawer and pull out the journal Gerald left.

Flipping through song pages, she finally found the first entry.

It was dehydration. That's the reason why they threw me in this place, but it doesn't even feel like I was dehydrated. Maybe it was a mistake, they didn't mean to mark it in my charts as dehydration. I've been drinking for weeks, that's not possible. Did I drink something?

I'm losing my damn mind. All this alcohol is making me forget things I should remember without even thinking. It'd be different if it was a song lyric or tour date, but the consumption of water?

Do I even drink water? I'm forgetting the most simple things, I can't even think.

I've been snapping at the one girl I love the most. She's my whole world, she's my everything.

Camila Cabello, on tour with me, G-Eazy.. I hate referring to myself as my stage name, but come on! It's like, legendary. 

I've been in love with Camila since the first day I met her, but she's been too focused with schooling and just didn't seem interested. Come on, I'm G-Eazy, I get all the girls, don't I? She's so beautiful, from her head to her feet. There's nobody else I would have rather fell in love with other than her.

Another doctor walked in, I have to go. Maybe they're here to tell me I'm going to be fine, and i can go back on tour. I left all my fans they're probably hectic right now. 

Camila inhaled deeply and bookmarked the journal by folding the page. Gerald, in love with her? She didn't understand why he didn't share this with her right away, or before he died in that matter. 

"Oh, Gerald.." Camila let out slowly, then began to cry. She cried because she missed him, and she cried because she couldn't have been more selfish when it came to him. She didn't consider his feelings, all she did was friend zone him. Yet, at the same time, can she blame him? She didn't know what else to do, she didn't know he was in love with her. She didn't even think there was a reason to be in love with her in the first place. 

She didn't want to leave on that note, which lead her to opening the journal back up with hesitation. In all honesty, she didn't know what else would be in the journal. Deep dark secrets? A love triangle? Camila was filled with all these theories, so she read the next entry. 

A fucking enlarged heart. The no good doctors told me I have an enlarged heart and need to do whatever I can to fix it. I want to fix it, of course, I want to fix the damn thing it needs to be normal so I can go back to the show. My doctor says  I can improve but there's no way I can actually recover. What an asshole. Yeah, let me just tell my patient he can try but it'll all be for nothing because of how big his heart is. Oh no, it's not like any other enlarged heart, its tooooo enlarged. Nice going, Doc. 

I hope Lauren doesn't fucking visit me. I hate her with a passion. She's been an asshole to me ever since day one, and I don't want to see her before I die. I mean, she's basically my first G-Eazy hater. She's never liked the idea of me rapping and leaving to go on tour; she didn't approve of my own damn dreams. All she could think of was herself and Camila. It was always her and Camila. If Lauren did something, Camila had to do it and I don't like that. I don't like the fact that they had to do everything together, that is, until I invited Camila to tour with me. Unlike Lauren, I know that Camila's dream is to go on a tour of her own. She's too shy to share her dreams, I heard her talking in her sleep. I know she writes her own music, and I know she plays her little piano in her room all alone only for her mother and sister to hear. 

Lauren has no right to come visit me, but I know Camila will drag her to see me. I don't see why she would, but I know her. She wants to fix everything. She wants to fix things that are broken, but she can't even fucking fix herself. She's not all happy go lucky as she seems, but this journal is about me, not her. Even though she's the love of my life, I can't make it about her. I'm the one dying, not her. I'm the one who's going to pass on into whatever the hell "The Light" is, not nobody else. 

I can't stand it. All these things going on inside my head, I don't even know how to describe it. All I want to do is go home and sleep. That's all I should do. I can get better on my own, I don't need these stupid doctors. They just want money, all doctors are money hungry.

 I feel like a fucking bitch. I keep getting flashbacks. Fuck, remember when your dumbass fainted in front of Camila? Almost choked with all that water she was splashing on you, fucking idiot. 

The only reason that happened was because I didn't feel good. I didn't have an appetite, all I drank was whisky the night before while everyone was asleep. It's not my fault. It's not my fault. It's not my fault. It's not my fault. 

We performed Plastic Dreams, I remember because Camila did such an amazing job with the lyrics even though she was always asking me what it was about. She's just like that, she wants the answers to everything and I adore that. 

After I finished my last verse, I was scanning the crowd and smiling. They were all so fucking happy, screaming and cheering for the song. Last thing I remember was fumbling backwards and my head smacking down against the stage floor. 

Who knew Plastic Dreams was going to be the last song G-Eazy ever performs. 

The sound of Camila crying began to become too loud, loud enough that Camila couldn't hear herself breathe. She remembered that day all too well. The fans cheering, screams everywhere. They were all happy, happy to see their favorite rapper, and yet it turned out to be a night of horror. 

She began screaming, throwing the journal under her pillow and covering Gerald's blanket over her face. All she could think of was that night, and how she should've cancelled the show when he fainted the first time. 

This was all her fault. Gerald's fainting, his entry into the hospital, even his death. 

Camila was the one to blame.