Code Black (N.S)

11.

Harry's POV

I was surprised that I was able to tell Niall something that was quite possibly one of my biggest secrets, something only Louis and Zayn knew about me. Of course, if Niall was able to tell me of all people something about himself, it only made sense that I could do the same. 

Niall had gone really quiet again and was now staring into space. His blue eyes were glossy as he stared ahead of him, his only movement being the rise and fall of his chest. His stillness was rather concerning and I wanted to say something in order to break him away from his trance, but I let him have as much privacy as I could possibly give him.

He still didn't trust me, which I knew was for completely obvious reasons but he seemed to have relaxed a little. Although he was still obviously scared, I could tell that less of that was directed towards me. He seemed to realise that I wasn't going to hurt him again. It was rather sad that he even needed to have that change of opinion in the first place. 

He seemed to have forgotten about what I had said about his father but I definitely hadn't. I felt absolutely terrible for even thinking of something so horrible. Even for someone I that I hated, I should know not to say things like that.

I thought of my mother, feeling especially disgusted because she hadn't raised me like to be like that. I couldn't imagine how disappointed she would be if she found out what kind of person I was. That thought alone made me feel so much worse.

Honestly, I was an idiot, a selfish prick who deserved nothing that I had. I didn't realise the monster that I had become over the thought of me being better than everyone else. I didn't realise the effect I had on others.

I could have done something so bad, something that could have permanently ruined people and I wouldn't have even cared about it. Why the fuck would I ever do something like that to someone? I wished that we could get out of here. I wished that I could get out and apologise to everyone that I had ever hurt and stop being such a terrible person.

It may not seem like it, but I was scared. I was putting on a brave face as best as I could, knowing that things would get so much worse if I were to start freaking out. Things would be a lot easier if I acted like things were going to be okay, mainly for Niall's sake. 

If anything happened to him, I would never forgive myself. It was already bad enough that I had made his life miserable ever since he had gotten here. The last thing he needed, or deserved, was any more pain. 

I didn't want him getting hurt anymore and I would do anything to stop him from hurting. I wanted to be able to protect him from then on. It was all my fault, I should have just left him alone. Neither of us would be in this position if I left him alone.

Maybe if I hadn't decided to mess with him, we would both be out by now. We, particularly Niall, would be safe and with the people that cared about us. I had no idea why so many people cared about me, why my friends didn't hate me like the rest of the school probably did.

All too suddenly, a rough voice was heard from a small distance from where we were, though it was too muffled for us to make out what was being said.

Immediately, I turned to face Niall. He looked up from the ground, seeming exactly as panicked as I felt. I could make out the tears in his eyes, which conveyed every bit of the fear he seemed to be carrying. I felt the sudden urge to move nearer to him and at least try to calm us both down, as though he was silently asking for me to move closer. 

My arm slid around his waist. In my panic, my fingers unintentionally dug into his skin rather harshly, causing him to let out a soft gasp. 

"Sorry," I let out, my voice incredibly shaky. I closed my eyes, letting out a breath and attempting to calm my erratically beating heart. "I didn't mean to--"