Code Black (N.S)

37.

Niall's POV

After what seemed to be hours of me sobbing against the wall, when in reality was probably several minutes, I could sense someone sitting next to me. I felt their presence slide down the wall so they were sitting beside me. They didn't touch me but I knew they were there.

"Angel, I need you to calm down for me," I heard Harry over the sound of Ryan's voice, blocking the indistinguishable words out.

Harry sounded rather calm, though I could clearly sense that he was slightly freaked out, which he was likely trying to cover up. I hadn't touched him, he still hadn't touched me and I wasn't sure if I was saddened at the lack of contact or happy for the space.

I just sat there and continued to cry, my chest began to feel tighter as time went on, as though someone had sat on my chest and had cut off my breathing.

"I'm here, love. It's okay. I'm right here," he whispered reassuringly, still making no move to touch me, though I could see his hand twitch through the corner of my eye, as though he wanted to grab mine.

Trying yet again to take a breath, I forced myself to look up and could immediately see his worried green eyes through my tears.

"Calm your breathing down. Can you do that for me, baby?" he asked, his brows furrowed with worry and eyes shining anxiously.

I nodded and began to take small breaths, slowly trying to calm my breathing down. I wasn't sure how well it was working, considering every breath I took felt immensely painful. After about ten minutes of desperately trying to calm my breathing down, I finally succeeded. I could feel my heart slow down and my loud sobs turning into small whimpers.

"Can I touch you?" he hesitantly asked, sounding particularly unsure.

I slowly nodded, immediately feeling the overwhelming need to have the comfort of my boyfriend. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into his chest. I soon melted into his embrace, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face into it. He began to run small circles into my lower back as tears fell onto his neck but I didn't think that he minded.

"What happened, baby?" he asked after a few minutes of sitting in silence.

I was hesitant to answer, particularly to tell him about the text message, knowing that he would worry even more.

"I don't know. I-I couldn't control it. I couldn't breath, Harry," I found myself letting out more sobs, it seemed as though that was all I could do.

He didn't answer, he just let me cry into his neck as he softly rubbed circles into my back. I expected Harry to say something in order to get rid of the lingering silence, though he simply stayed as quiet as possible as he helped me to my feet.

I had no idea where mum was, she seemed to have disappeared once Harry had arrived, and I hadn't seen her since. I needed to thank her for calling Harry though, but I guessed I could do that later.

I sighed softly as Harry lay me on the bed and got in next to me, pulling me back into his chest again. 

"I'm sorry for making you r-rush here. I should have been able to handle this on my own," I told him, my voice cracking weakly as I struggled to speak. 

He let out a sigh, his hand reaching down to cup my cheek and turn my face to look at him. The expression on his face was still gentle, but there was a certain firmness to it. 

"Don't think like that. You know that I would come here for anything. I don't want you to handle anything on your own, it's kind of my job to be here and I love doing that. No matter what, I'm always going to be there for you," he told me, his thumb brushing on my cheekbone gently. 

"You're okay now, baby. Nothing's going to happen to you," he said.

I couldn't help myself but to feel better at his words. The tone of his voice made me feel confident that he would do everything he could to ensure nothing bad happened to me.

I hoped that he was right, that I would be safe. I didn't have a reason to distrust Harry anymore, as he was the only one who could calm me down during a panic attack and I knew that he cared enough to ensure my safety. There was no longer a reason for me to doubt him.

Feeling much calmer and reassured, I closed my eyes and fell asleep in his warm embrace.

Harry's POV

I couldn't say how much Niall had scared me. I felt as if my heart had fallen from my chest as I thought of him suffering. I hated this feeling. It made me think I had failed. Niall was my boyfriend, meaning that if he was hurting, it was up to me to make him smile again.

I was probably the only person that could come close to understanding what Niall was feeling because I was the only one that had seen what Ryan had done to him. I was the closest person to know what Niall was seeing. 

This meant that I felt a huge amount of responsibility for Niall. I knew that Niall was capable of taking care of himself, but that didn't stop me from trying to protect him as much as I could.

Letting out a sigh, I looked down at his sleeping figure. His small body was cuddled into my side, his arm around my chest and our legs tangled together.

He looked so innocent. I couldn't think of why anyone would ever hurt him. Even though I was the cause of his pain for quite some time, I couldn't answer this question. I didn't know why I felt enjoyment. I was quite possibly the most terrible person in the world and I knew I would spend the rest of my life feeling horrible for what I had done.

I didn't deserve Niall's forgiveness but I had it, and I knew that I would do everything I could to not abuse it. Niall trusted me, something that I never wanted to change.

His grip on me suddenly tightened as he let out a whimper. I realised he was having a nightmare, something that wasn't uncommon recently. I didn't know what to do, of course I had seen him have nightmares before, seeing as though I had been staying the night here more than at my own house but it never got any easier to watch.

Niall's POV

"Niall!" I heard, which made me stir and I awoke to someone frantically calling my name.

"Ni, baby, wake up," I opened my eyes to meet Harry's.

I saw flashes of my dream and I immediately let more tears fall as I scrambled to get away.

"S-stay away from me," I breathed out. I couldn't look into his eyes, scared to see the evil green I had seen in my dream, that I hadn't seen since before the lockdown.

He didn't listen to my pleas, instead he gently wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me back into him. I pushed on his chest, hoping to get him away from me as fresh tears started to fall.

He noticed my struggling and sighed sadly but still didn't let me go from his grip.

"Baby, I'm not going to hurt you. It was just a dream," he said softly.

I eventually stopped fighting him and soon let out a shaky breath before wrapping my arms around him.

"I'm s-sorry. It just felt so real. A-and then looking into your eyes just made it worse," I mumbled, immediately feeling ashamed.

"What happened?" he asked, his hands moving to cup my cheeks and tilting my head up to meet his eyes.

I let out a shaky breath, before I told him what had happened in my dream, that his kindness had all been a lie, that he just pushed me aside and left me vulnerable to everything. I stopped talking, having finished telling Harry the events of my dream. He was silent as I spoke and even when I had mentioned Ryan's name, he remained quiet.

I could see the heartbreak in his eyes, and I realised that this was hurting Harry as much as it hurt myself.