Code Black (N.S)

41.

Harry's POV

Why the fuck did I say that to him?

He had just made me so angry that I couldn't hold in the words. Though that wasn't an excuse for saying something like that. I just wanted to protect him but I knew that no matter how much he meant to me, it didn't mean that I had the right to say something as horrible as that to him.

Fucking hell. I was convinced that he now thought I wanted him to get hurt, yet that is the last thing I wanted. Though he wouldn't know that because I was a fucking idiot. I didn't want anything to happen to him. I wanted him to know that I was just protecting him. I just wished I had shown him that instead of saying things that I knew would hurt him.

Obviously, I had never had a good temper and I wasn't one to stay calm when I got angry at something. If something made me mad, then I would take it out on the people around me, no matter how much I cared about them.

I had no filter in these situations and the only thing on my mind was to hurt them the way that they hurt me. Of course, Niall hadn't hurt me at all. He had done nothing wrong. I just had to be a prick and get all defensive over nothing. I was the only one to blame.

I dejectedly watched as the blond rushed out of my room and down the stairs.

If I could, I would follow him, pull him in my arms and apologise repetitively until he forgave me but then I remembered the whole reason this happened was because he wanted space. I knew that going after him would probably just make things worse, so I let him leave, praying that nothing bad would happen to him.

I eventually sat down on my bed and began to cry. I wasn't an emotional person in the slightest. It generally took a lot to make me cry, so it was strange that I suddenly burst into tears.

I guess Niall just had that effect on me, he could make me happy, make me feel on top of the world better than a drug, but he could also drag me down, make me feel like I had lost everything, yet he was worth it.

Through my uncontrollable tears, I reached for my phone and called Louis, who thankfully answered after the third ring.

"Harry?" he asked.

I wiped my eyes and sniffled before replying.

"I've fucked up, Lou," I murmured. "I said something I shouldn't have and now Niall hates me," I continued. I was crying so much that I was actually surprised that Louis could understand me through the sobs. 

My chest was burning. I hadn't cried this hard since I was really little and I hated it. I hated feeling so weak but I couldn't blame Niall. It was my fault, so I deserved to feel like I did.

"Harry, whatever it is you said to him, you should know that he would never hate you," Louis told me, giving me that reassuring older brother voice that usually made me feel as if things were okay. This time, it didn't do much. 

"You don't get it. I-- I try so hard to protect him but all of that's wasted cause I got mad and said something bad because I wanted to hurt him," I bit my lip, watching a tear fall from my face and onto my leg. 

"I'm sure that Niall will understand that you couldn't control yourself. No matter what you said to him, he obviously knows you care about him too much to mean anything," he replied, reassuring tone still very much present. 

I was sure that Louis would not be so supportive if he knew exactly what I had said to Niall but I couldn't bring myself to even repeat the horrible things I said. 

"Lou--"

"No, Harry. Listen to me. Niall's not an idiot. Everyone who knows you two knows that whatever you have is special and even after all the shitty things you've done, he'll still cares about you," he cut me off, his voice now a lot more firm.