Code Black (N.S)

28.

Niall's POV

As soon as I heard what the news lady had said, many emotions had hit me all at once. I would say that fear and sadness were the most dominant emotions that I was feeling. There was no way of me convincing myself that it was my imagination because it most definitely wasn't. It was all too real. 

"What the fuck?" Harry broke the silence, his deep voice laced with shock and something I assumed to be anger. 

I said nothing in response, not knowing what do say. I guess Harry's outburst just about summed it up. 

"They can't-- no. This is ridiculous. He's a fucking criminal, he can't just be let out. We have to do something about this," he ranted, clenching his hands into tight fists. 

I swallowed, shaking my head. I struggled to breathe, almost feeling the same sensation of something blocking my airways but not quite enough to be considered a panic attack. 

"There's n-nothing we can do now. We just have to wait for his trial," I told him, the news hitting me as I spoke. 

"Ni--"

"I just w-want this to be over. I don't want to be anymore involved that I a-am now. People will find out about how horrible he is in court a-and then they can deal with him. But right now, there's no point," I said, trying to stop myself from bursting into tears. 

I felt exactly like I did during the lockdown. I could hear his voice in my ear, I could feel the ropes burning my wrists and his hands touching me.

I couldn't cry in front of Harry again. I refused. Harry saw me in a vulnerable position enough as it was. I couldn't let him see me full on sob twice in the space of a few hours, I needed to be by myself.

"I need to be a-alone for a while," I manage to say through my laboured breaths. As much as I loved having him close to me, I felt flustered over everything and I knew that space would help me cope.

"You want me to leave?" he asked hesitantly.

I nodded, taking my bottom lip between my teeth. My eyes burned with tears but I wasn't going to let a single one escape whilst Harry was there.

He sighed, obviously reluctant to actually do it but he caught sight of the pleading look on my face and complied, stepping away from me with a sympathetic look on his face. I didn't need a mirror to see how fucked up I looked right now. I knew exactly how bloodshot my eyes were and I could imagine exactly how dishevelled my hair was. 

I was certain that I would soon change my mind and want Harry to come back again but at that moment I knew that the last thing I needed was to have him fuss over me. I needed my space, a sort of way to show that I didn't need someone there for me all the time.

"Are you sure? It's probably not a good idea to leave you alone," he said gently, as though he expected me to start crying at any moment.

I should have been angry that he was treating me like I was a child but I knew he meant well and to be honest, I did seem to act like a child a lot of the time.

"I'm sure. I-I'll be okay, I just need a couple of hours at least. I'll call you later, okay?" I asked softly.

He nodded and kissed my forehead softly. I couldn't help but wish that he had kissed my lips instead. I had longed for the feeling of his lips on mine but he said it himself that he didn't like boys in that way and I needed to accept that.

I felt him step away and shortly after that, I heard the door softly shut. I knew I was now completely alone.

~