Code Black (N.S)

18.

Niall's POV

It had been two days since Harry was at my house. I didn't exactly know why he bothered to do that, seeing as we weren't even close to being friends, nor did he have any sort of obligation to look after me but I couldn't help but be extremely grateful for it. 

I felt slightly better about the situation. For some strange reason, Harry made me feel safe, regardless of what he had done to me previously. When he was around, I seemed to almost forget everything that had happened. 

I didn't know why I found more comfort in Harry than I did with my friends and my own mother. Maybe it was because he knew more about my situation than they did, that he had seen what I had gone through. 

Whatever it was, I didn't know if I should be happy about it or not. On the one hand, maybe it was a good thing that Harry was no longer something negative in my life but on the other hand, it was kind of unfortunate that I had developed a sort of dependence on someone that wasn't even my friend. 

Harry wasn't there when I woke up, which was disappointing but I understood. I wasn't a child that needed to be taken care of all the time. Harry had his own life, he shouldn't have to hang around and care for me.

The memory of his sudden appearance put me in a good enough mood to reply to the texts that my friends had sent. I hoped that they actually believed what I said. None of their responses revealed if they were at all reassured but I knew that they were all smart enough to not believe me when I said that I was okay. 

Although I was feeling the best I had felt since everything had happened, I still felt completely terrible. Not only mentally but also physically. I constantly felt sick and the dark circles under my eyes seemed to only get darker but I couldn't do anything about it. Every time I tried to fix myself, I failed. 

I hadn't left the house since I had returned from hospital. I saw the outside world through my window, but I was too scared to even try to go out. The thought of going outside left me with this incredibly anxious feeling, but even in this horrible state of mind, I knew that I didn't want to be stuck in my house for the rest of my life. 

I felt trapped. 

~

"I don't know, Niall," mum frowned, putting down her fork and giving me her full attention. She also seemed to be rather stressed about everything and I couldn't help but feel guilty. It was because of me that she had to feel pressured to rush home and make sure everything was okay. 

"I know w-what you're thinking. Believe me, I understand. But I-I'm not gaining anything from sitting around here and feeling sorry for myself. I-I want to start going back to school," I told her, trying my hardest to be firm. 

She obviously thought that I wasn't strong enough to handle being out on my own. I couldn't necessarily blame her, as I was feeling the exact same but I also felt like going back to a normal routine would be more effective in my recovery. 

"I know. I just don't want anything to happen to you," she told me gently, as if worried I was going to get angry. 

"I'll be o-okay," I tried to assure her. "Anyways, I-I'm sure they're taking more precautions this time around. I'm-- I'm not scared."

Well, that was debatable. 

"I believe that, Niall. But I don't think it would help you if you just rushed back into a routine if you're not ready for it. Sometimes putting pressure on yourself will make things harder," she told me, a sympathetic look in her eyes. 

"I'll have to do it e-eventually. I promise I'll be careful," I told her, trying to sound more confident than I actually was. 

"Well, if you're sure, then I guess it's your decision. Please don't push yourself, healing takes time. If you're not ready for something, don't force it," she finally said, offering me a reassuring smile.