Take Me ( MRog )

[ 5 ] ~ Distance

{ TRIGGER WARNING! Suicide and drug abuse in this chapter. }

My head hurt from how hard I was thinking. But really, why was Ross concerned? It's not his fucking business anyway!

I'm trying to distance myself.

Those words ran through my head until all I could think about was that phrase. The words plagued my mind, turning it into a muddled mess of tangled letters that seemed like they could never be removed from my head. Tears welled in my eyes and I clung a bit tighter to George. I could feel him tense up, his hand stopped moving through my curls.

" Are you awake? " he asked softly.

I said nothing, just held tighter to him. My arms began to shake slightly. He tried pushing me away.

" Matty what're you- " I cut him off by clinging to him tighter.

He continued to try and push at me but my arms just wrapped around him tighter with each push. He finally succeeded in pushing me about a foot away before I broke down.

" NO! " I screamed, my voice coming out shaky.

I saw George flinch at the volume of my voice as I broke down sobbing and wrapped my arms so tight around him that my whole body was shaking and my arms were aching. I considered for a second that I might be hurting him but I pushed that thought away, instead focusing on not letting George go. If I let him go I'll lose him. He finally gave up on trying to push me away and instead began to breath harshly as I practically crushed his lungs under my grip but I didn't let go.

His hand hesitantly ran through my hair trying to make me relax but I wouldn't relax. I continued to shake and hold him. My arms seriously began to hurt with how tight I was holding onto him, my fingers cramping up from the pressure. George didn't say anything. He just continued to pet my hair and pant for breath.

" M-Matty " George stuttered after a second.

I let out a sound.

" I can't breath, " he whimpered.

My heart wrenched at the sound but I still didn't let go.

" But I won't be able to breath if I let you go, " I whispered.

Everything fell silent, the only sound my soft breaths and George's harsh pants. I stopped for a second, letting George's harsh breaths fill my ears. Finally I gave up, pulling away in defeat. I looked at George and saw him flinch away from me. The raw pain in my eyes seemed to terrify him. I looked down and lay down on my side, putting my back to him and ignoring his worried glances.

" Matty... "

" Go ahead then, distance yourself! " I choked out.

I heard nothing for a few minutes. Finally I heard the squeak of the mattress and a door slamming. Suddenly the words I uttered came back to bite me and I began to regret ever saying them. He was gone.

-

It had been days, possibly weeks. Everything went by in a blur so I honestly couldn't remember how many days it'd been since I last saw George. Since I last saw anyone but girls honestly.

I'd had over seven girls in my bed in the past few days alone and I'm positive my blood had turned into vodka and my breath into weed.

I was high as a fucking kite at the moment and all I could think about was George.

George's skin, George's lips, George's hair, George's eyes...

All I wanted was him but he's left. He has to come back though. Right? At least to get his clothes.

That thought alone made my stomach turn.

I'm trying to distance myself.

I slammed my fist against the ground, my knuckles coming in contact with the hard tile that adorned the kitchen's floor and splitting, causing them to begin to bleed. I let out a whimper and started crying for the millionth time today. Sobs bubbled up through my chest and escaped my parted lips. Shakes wracked my body as I lay on the dirty kitchen floor and curled up in a ball. I needed out. I don't want to live anymore. Especially not without him.

I got up shakily, my hand dragging against the walls and leaving blood stains on the white paint. I walked to the garage and grabbed a long large rope. I never thought my life would come to this, wanting to commit suicide.

I dragged my body up to the bathroom and tied the rope to a hook in the ceiling that had been there since I bought this place. I guess this was just destined to happen.

I tied the rope in a noose and got a chair. I stood on the flimsy chair and tightened the noose around my neck. I kicked the chair out from underneath me and began to fall but the hook and rope couldn't hold up my weight. I fell to the ground with the noose still around my neck and harsh breaths escaping my mouth. I felt sore and my back hurt from landing so harshly. I'm sure I had a rope burn on my neck now. I heard a door open downstairs.

" Matty?! " I heard someone's voice yell.

" George.. " I whispered before everything went black.

Hey guys, sorry this is so short but I wasn't sure how to make this any longer. Sorry for the pain 💕 I'm not in the best place right now but I figured I might as well update and make someone's day with this horribly sad chapter 😂 enjoy!