[12] ~ What Are Titles? { aka Matty looks up how to stop loving someone }

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{ Matty's POV }

The last few days had been hell. We've been on the road for days and have only had one show so far where I broke down in the middle of a song.

I've been trying to avoid George but it's quite difficult to avoid your best friend who's also in a band with you and sleeps in the same bed as you most nights. I wasn't thinking a few hours ago when I left the first hotel that we were staying in.

I was angry, tense and I just wanted sex, no strings attached. I called up a girl I knew who lived in this area and she gave me her address. When I arrived at her house it was all lips and teeth crashing against each other.

Weed and wine. Coke and sex. It was perfect but it wasn't. It didn't fill the empty gap in me that seemed to grow every time George called a girl hot or ' went out for a pack of smokes ' and didn't come back for hours. Every time he crawled into bed with me smelling of smoke, sex and nighttime.

I left the girl, not even leaving a note, just some money for the drugs and a small glance before I escaped into the real world, one that seemed inescapable yet so easy to block and forget about.

Why is it that I can so easily escape reality with drugs and words but I can never escape George. I got back to the hotel after a long walk and went up to mine and George's room. George wasn't even there when I opened the door which caused my heart too sink.

I stared into the empty room and already felt tears begin to soak my cheeks which had become hot with a mixture of rage and the warmth of the drugs I had taken.

Everything felt wrong. I slammed the door having no regard for anyone staying in the rooms beside mine. I collapsed into my the empty bed, cold and harsh against my warmth

I let my eyes close, but when I woke again I felt a warmth that wasn't present before. I turned to be met with George's chest and instantly flinched away though my initial reaction was to cuddle into him.

His face looked tired. All deep lines and frowns despite being so deeply asleep. I quickly got up, going over to the other bed and curling into the cold blankets. I grabbed my phone and opened up my browser. I began to type in the search bar.

How to stop loving someone I typed.

Search results popped up screaming titles like ' 12 Ways To Stop Loving Someone ', or ' 9 Steps To Stop Loving Someone '. I gulped as I clicked on each one just trying to find a simple answer to my over-complicated question though I knew I wouldn't find one. And of course, the answer never showed up.

" Matty? " I heard George's soft and sleepy voice whisper in confusion.

I flinched slightly at the tone of his voice. He sounded sad, worried, maybe even scared when he found that I wasn't pressed against him. I didn't answer him, instead I tried to hide myself in the overflowing blankets that covered me.

He heard the rustling and turned around with wide eyes. I stared back at George, my body freezing up. I began to shake.

" Matty? " George said again.

I flinched and hid under the blankets, squeezing a few tears out as I heard George get up and move towards my bed. Suddenly the blankets were thrown off of me and a grumpy and shivering George glared at me.

" What's wrong with you recently? " he asked as he reached out towards me.

I flinched away from him and he frowned, whimpering slightly. The sound broke my heart and left me out of breath.

" Matty please, " he whimpered.

I ached to touch him. The love of my life, standing in front of me. He knows every detail about me yet he has never realized that I hold him on such a high pedestal and that the pedestal was slowly crushing me with the weight of my love for him.

My breath caught in my throat as his fingers stroked my cheek. I wanted to pull away, to not feel his warmth against my cheek despite how much my body ached for it, but I didn't pull away. I leaned into his hand and sighed happily as he stroked my cheek.

God how I wish he loved me.

I wrapped my arms around the younger boy and he picked me up, crawling into bed with me and holding me to his chest.

" Please don't leave me again, " I heard him whisper before sleep overtook me and I was, once again, living in a dreamworld.

-

{ George's POV }

I stared at Matty, taking in his beauty and letting it sink in. Recently I had been finding comfort in one night stands and using drugs I never dreamed of using, being a person who usually sticks to weed and cigarettes, not even delving into hard liquor that often.

I found it strange that I went for one night stands with girls despite me finding no pleasure in fucking, kissing or even holding a girl. I suppose I was trying to prove to myself that I was still straight, or rather that I had been straight to begin with.

I've always refused to believe that I was into guys so I'd invest myself in girls and fall in love with them, but not for their body, rather for their attitude. A lot of the girls I'd been with weren't very feminine so in a way I felt like connected with them more.

I stroked Matty's cheek, feeling him press himself closer to me in his sleep. He was gorgeous. Brown curls that framed his perfectly pale face and soft lips.

" I love you, " I whispered.

I couldn't even believe my own words. I don't like boys I don't like boys I don't like boys. No matter how many times I repeated the mantra in my head, I never believed myself because the boy laying in my arms was so perfect. How could I not fall in love with perfection.

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HI GUYS I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT! I tried to make it longer after the last shitty chapter but it's taken me a while to write cause I've been catching up on sleep and my birthday was just on Sunday so I've been having family parties and such. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! I love you!

Xx ghxstlyxterrors

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