Take Me ( MRog )

[4] ~ Lies & Secrets

I woke up the next morning to an empty bed. George was no where to be found. I even went around the whole house looking in every crevice for his hulking frame. A few tears rolled down my cheeks as I remembered his words from the pervious night.

" I promise I won't leave Matty. I'll be here when you wake up. I'll help you get past the storm, " he had said.

Lies they were all lies. I tugged desperately at my tangled curls and made my way into the kitchen grabbing an apple to satisfy the monster growing in my stomach. I bit into the fruit chewing it unenthusiastically and feeling it go down my throat and hit the bottom of my stomach.

I went back upstairs going into my now clean room and lying on the messy bed. My blankets were strewn about on my mattress along with dirty clothes and some clean ones as well. I covered myself with a blanket to try and dispel the shivers that wracked through my body but the shivers that plagued me were not from being cold but from sadness.

Tears poured down my cheeks as I thought more about last night. Did last night even happen? Did George really come home and take care of me? Did I even get high or was it just a drug. I sat up and began looking for my cocaine but when I found none I knew that last night was real. Of course George would throw away the rest of my cocaine.

Maybe it's better that he's gone. If he had stayed I might have broken down more. I might have cuddled into him and never gotten up from the warmth of his room and my body was not used to. I curled up more in the blankets and let little sniffles out.

Maybe he went out with that bird again but considering that he came home so late last night I'm guessing she was no more than a one night stand.

I let out a sigh and sat up. I pulled my pack of cigarettes out and lit one, placing the toxic stick between my lips which were chapped and covered in dried blood. During the state I was in yesterday I'd been biting them till they bled.

I made my way into the small backyard and sat in the soft grass that seemed to be the only living thing besides George around here. Probably because he watered the plants as if we lived in a fucking desert. I could have sworn that the grass almost cringed away from me as I sat in the lush green yard.

I ran my hands along the spikes of green letting my mind wander. Lyrics flowed through my head of songs I've written and songs I was still working on for my band, The 1975.

The band was my passion honestly and I couldn't wait to show it to the world, though I knew we probably wouldn't be noticed since we're just another new band. I got up and went into the chest that I kept under a bench leaning against the house.

In it was my acoustic guitar in its soft case and a notebook along with three half used pens and a nearly empty led pencil. I grabbed the items and plopped down in the grass once more, releasing my acoustic from its case and placing it in my lap.

I opened the notebook which was nearly filled to the brim with lyrics and turned to the first empty page I could find. I wrote down every word that flowed through my mind letting them become lyrics on the clean page under my hand.

I placed the pencil down and began to play some chords on my guitar trying to find the perfect time for the song that was creating its own home in my heart.

To me, lyrics are the only pretty thing I can make. Everything else about me is ugly and I would gladly get rid of myself if I could but then, who would write the lyrics?

I pushed those thoughts away and continued to strum chords that would correlate with my lyrics. As I finished the rough draft of the song I instantly became excited at the thought of showing George!

Oh....George.

My heart became heavy again, my mind becoming clouded with sadness. I put my stuff away and locked the box before going back into the house.

Just as I made it into the living room, the front door opened and George stepped inside. He looked up at me and his eyes turned sad with guilt. My body began to shake and I turned away to run upstairs but George's hand grabbed my arm. I flinched away from him and fell onto the stairs.

My breathing had become sporadic and tears were already blurring my vision.

" Hey hey Matty it's okay, " he said softly taking me into his arms, " I'm sorry love I went to he cigs and some alcohol...we were running low and.. " his voice trailed off.

A small sob escaped my parted lips. I pressed myself harder against the taller man wanting his comfort and love.

He picked me up and carried me to his room, placing my down on the bed where I instantly sunk into the warm blankets. He stripped down to his boxers and tiredly shoved a cigarette in between his beautiful pink lips before he crawled into bed with me.

He pulled my jeans off leaving my in boxers and his sweater which I'd stolen months ago and which was much too big for me. He pulled my shaking frame into his warm arms and lit the fag as he held me.

" I'm here love. I'm here relax. "

My tensed body instantaneously relaxed, my shaking stopping. I wrapped my arms and legs around George, resting my head beneath his collarbone.

He covered us with a blanket and continued to smoke as my eyes closed in a light slumber that was quickly interrupted by a phone call. I pretended to be asleep as George answered the phone with a grunt. 

" 'Ello Ross, " he mumbled softly.

I heard him sigh before he continued to speak.

" Yeah we'll have practice soon...yeah...yes Ross for fucks sake I get it I know I'm trying to distance myself from him okay? I told you that this mornin...yes...yes okay...I'll see you and Adam tomorrow...cheers, " he hung up and placed the phone down.

His hand messed with the curls atop my head as my mind reeled. Why was he trying to distance himself? And why...why was Ross so concerned?