Breaking Dawn

Chapter 20: Tuesday, August 22nd

I wake up to the sound of soft snores. I sit up straight, quickly looking around my room for the source of the sound. My heart races and my stomach drops. I see Jake, and I calm myself. I forgot he is in here.
I step carefully around him, stubbing my toe. "Ouch!" I whimper.
I look to Jake to see if I woke him, but he is still passed out. That is one thing about him, he can sleep through anything.
I make my way around him and head downstairs. I have nothing on my itinerary today.
I sigh and sit on the couch. If things had gone as planned, today, and every other day for forever, I would be known as Mrs. Bella Cullen, and I would be living with Edward. There's a chance I would be a newborn right now but, of course, Edward would've tried pushing off the transformation as long as he could.
Everything has changed, and I can't tell if it's for the better or for the worse. All I know is I feel empty and broken. I miss talking to Edward when I couldn't sleep and waking up to him every morning. Nothing will replace the comfort Edward gave me.
I sigh again, something I've noticed lately that I do often. Thinking more makes me feel worse, but I don't know what to do besides sit here and think.
I lay my head down on the side of the couch, my feet curled up. I pull a blanket over myself.
I don't know if I'm exhausted because of my lack of sleep last night, or if it's because of the constant anxiety eating away at me. It could be from both, a double whammy.
I close my eyes. Maybe another half hour of shut-eye would be beneficial, maybe then I would feel at least a little better.

"Bella," I hear, a warm hand on my shoulder.
I rub my eyes. Did I actually manage to fall asleep?
"Bella, wake up. I made breakfast."
I sit up slowly, getting faintly dizzy. The smell of eggs fills the room.
I stand up, also realizing I smell either bacon or sausage.
"Omelets and sausage, I hope you're hungry."
The odd part is that I'm not hungry. I haven't felt hungry since Edward left, which really isn't that long. I don't want to offend Jake, though, or worry him, so I go and sit at the table. He has a plate waiting for me there. I take a couple bites but spend more time pushing the food around on my plate. Jake sits across from me, chugging a glass of orange juice and cleaning his plate.
I wish I was capable of finishing my plate, but with each bite I take, I feel more nauseous.
"Are you really not going to eat?" He asks.
"Um, I had a couple bites," I tell him.
"Bella, starving yourself isn't going to make him come back."
I feel my cheeks redden. "I'm not starving myself, I just don't feel well."
Jake stands up. "Wait here," he says as if I have anywhere else to go. He makes his way up the stairs, taking it two steps at a time.
I push my food away from me, the smell making me sickened.
Jake runs back down the stairs, a thermometer in hand. He lifts up my arm and places it under without giving me time to hesitate.
"I'm not sick," I tell him.
"I just want to make sure, there's been a stomach bug going around."
I give in. I know my temperature will come back usual, 98.6, but if it makes him happy to see that for himself then I'll allow it.
The thermometer beeps twice, and Jake quickly looks at it. He places his hand on my forehead. "Are you sure you're not sick?"
"I'm sure," I tell him.
"Your temperature was normal," he sighs. I can't tell if this makes him happy or not.
"You don't need to act like you're my mother, I'm fine," I tell him.
"I just get worried, Bella," he says as if it isn't obvious.
He could be worried because he imprinted on me, or he could be worried because he is basically incapable of getting sick due to his extremely high temperature (which is normal for the pack) and doesn't know what to expect from a sick person.
"I'm okay, really. I'm fine."
He sighs and pulls me into a hug. I hesitate, but loosely wrap my arms around him. I feel guilty. He shouldn't be the one worrying if I'm sick, it should be Edward. I should be wrapping my arms around Edward.
"If you're not sick, why won't you eat?" He asks, still embracing me.
"I am just not hungry right now Jake," I say. It's somewhat annoying that he is making me explain myself, but I don't have the guts to tell him.
"Okay, I won't make you eat anything right now," he says, "but you're eating lunch."
I furrow my brow. "You can't force me to eat lunch. If I don't want to I don't have to."
"I will tell Charlie," he says, a seriousness settling across his face.
"That's not funny."
"I'm not trying to be funny."
I frown. "That's unfair."
"It's not fair that you refuse to eat," he says.
"I can't help that I'm too anxious to eat anything!" I yell.
He stares at me. "I didn't realize that's why you wouldn't eat."
I turn around, heading for the front door. I don't make it there though, Jacob grabs my arm and turns me around.
"Where are you going?" He asks.
"I can't deal with this right now," I tell him. I'm not even sure where I would go, but I can't stand another moment of arguing.
"Bella, please just talk to me about it," he begs.
"I'm fine, I just need to go for a ride."
"Don't shut me out."
I let my mouth hang, trying to find the next thing to say but failing.
"You need to talk about this, Bella," he insists.
"Let me go," I say.
"Let me come with you."
"I need to be alone," I tell him.
He pauses for a moment. "Promise you won't do anything reckless."
I stay quiet for a moment, then nod and walk out the door. I get in my truck, slamming the door. I turn the key in the ignition, the truck roaring to life. I step on the gas, squealing out of my driveway.
I try not to think of where I'm driving, and just drive. So many things play through my mind. How long will things be like this with Jake? How long until the empty feeling is gone, and the pit in my stomach? And how long until I truly comprehend that Edward is gone?
I pull into a long driveway, his driveway. Edward's driveway. It is all so familiar. I park, looking around. Everything really is gone. It hurts to see. There are none of the expensive cars sitting around.
I step out of my truck, walking up to the large glass windows. Just as expected, the house is bare. No furniture, no pictures. There is no sign that the Cullen's were once here.
I sit down, my head in my hands. It's so empty, and it makes me feel empty to look at.
I pick my head up, looking inside once more as if things would change. But the house is still barren, and the Cullen's aren't coming back. A couple of tears escape the corner of my eye.
This is your own stupid fault.
I walk over to my truck, struggling with every step to not look back. It's like my eyes are magnetized to the house, and it takes everything within me to not look back at it. It's just a letdown, I know that it's going to look the same it did the first two times.
I sit in my truck and rest my head on the steering wheel. I would do anything to have Edward sitting next to me, his hand on my knee and his soft, low voice telling me everything is okay. Things have changed.