Breaking Dawn

Chapter Six: Saturday, August 12th

I awake to myself screaming. What I first thought was a good dream, which was Jake and I walking on the beach hand-in-hand, turned into a nightmare where Jacob killed Edward, and the Volturi killed Jake.
"Bella, Bella, shh, it's okay," Alice whispers. I gasp for air as I sit up, confused and disoriented. I look around, then realize I am in my bed, and everything is okay. I wipe the tears that formed in my eyes, and rest my hand on my head.
Looking at my alarm clock, I realize that it is eleven o'clock. "Why didn't you wake me up before?"
"You needed the rest," Alice sighs. "You slept fine, up until now."
"Where's Edward? Why hasn't he called? Or Jacob?"
Alice smiles slightly. "I warned them that if they bother you before you're ready, that they won't see you for quite some time."
I shake my head. I can't decide whether I appreciate Alice's actions, or if I miss Jake and Edward.
My heart drops as I remember that I have to tell Edward that the wedding is off. Our wedding was planned for tomorrow, Saturday. I already feel guilty.
Apparently Alice can read my expression clearly, because she rests her hand on my shoulder. "It's okay, Bella, to not be okay."
"I know, but it's not okay to choose between two lives to ruin. It's not okay to hurt people you love like this."
"Bella, stop doing that to yourself!" Alice sounds exasperated.
"Sorry..." I say quietly. It is bad enough I have my own problems, but now I am putting them on Alice. "Where's Charlie?"
"He left early this morning, there was a car accident by the school that he has to deal with. It's no one we know though, and no one is badly injured, so don't get worried."
I think for a moment. No matter how much I try to keep myself distracted, my thoughts keep coming back to my wedding. "Alice," I breathe, "I'm ready to tell Edward that the wedding is off."
She smiles a little. "Are you sure?"
I nod. I know that if I change my mind now, that I will never be able to tell him that the wedding is postponed.

He is right at the door as I walk up the steps. Alice and Jasper went to Port Angeles, so Edward couldn't listen to her thoughts. He embraces me into an immediate hug, and kisses the top of my head. "You've made me a nervous wreck," he mumbles into my hair.
"Edward," I pull away from him. "I'm so sorry."
"Bella, it is okay. I know you need time, I know that this is hard-"
"Edward, no, you don't understand..." I stumble for words. "You-... I-... Edward..."
"Bella, what is it?" Edward asks.
"I need more... Time." I manage to say.
"What do you mean?" He asks intently.
"The wedding is off," I look down so he doesn't see the tears build up in my eyes. I never was a huge fan of the wedding idea, to me it is just a piece of paper, but to Edward it shows that you're giving someone your all.
When I look up at him, he is staring into the distance. His eyes seem darker than when I saw him yesterday, which I didn't know to be possible. "Please," I beg. "Say something."
My request is not fulfilled, not for another five minutes. But for those five minutes I embrace Edward, listening to his breathing. I know he doesn't need to breathe, but it is such a normal thing for him to do.
"Edward," I break the silence, "it doesn't mean I love you any less, or that I am choosing Jacob. It just means that..." I think for a second. I can't stress him out more by telling him about the vampire who is coming in six months, Leonard. Alice and I agreed that it would be too much stress if everyone knew, and that I wasn't in imminent danger. "It means that I need time to know I'm really ready for this marriage thing."
He stays quiet, but he looks me in the eyes. It is astonishing how a look can hurt more than a wound.
"I love you."
"As I do you," he says.
That is all I needed, I just needed to hear him say something. I hug him tightly, thankful for the response.
"Edward," I hesitate, "I need to tell Jake, but no matter how he reacts, you can not hurt him. He needs me as much as I need you."
"Bella, I couldn't hurt him. I know it would hurt you, and hurting you would kill me." He kisses me, not romantically, not emotionally, just lips pressing against each other. I can feel his pain behind the kiss.
I decide to enjoy a little bit of time without Jacob, although I am starting to miss him, and I go home after spending a few hours with Edward. He and I didn't do much, we just talked about the situation we are in. It was hard for me to talk about, but I knew it needed to be done. I know he needs the time to think about this, and I can tell he has to hunt. I promise him that I am fine, that I will be spending the rest of the afternoon watching television with my father and eating at the diner.

I do as I said I would, I go home to find my father exploring the refrigerator. I tell him that I don't feel like cooking tonight.
"So how about we go to the diner? We haven't eaten there in a while," he offers.
"We ate there last week, but sure," I knew he would ask to go there.
I never really mind going to the diner. It means that I don't have to cook, or clean the dishes after. Which I don't mind doing, but I have other things I would rather do.
Like visit Jake.